Read “Off the Derech” by Faranak Margolese. It seems that most people who leave do so because of negative role-models and a minority because they simply found out that here is another way of life (I personaly once met someone like that). The key to the teshuva movement, on the other hand, is showing people that Judaism has something for every type.
BTW, regarding the controversy on wives and guests the Chafetz Chaim once invited Rav Meir Shapiro for Shabbat. When Rav Shapiro asked if the rebbetzin sat atthe table the Chafetz Chaim said “I gave her a ketuba so I am obligated to her – to you I am not obligated”. Rav Shapiro regretted the missed oppportunity for the rest of his life.