Oomis: Actually, I did understand your point. Your posts are very clear and intelligent. As for Mrs. Mandelbaum, I’m not so sure your view and her view are necessarily the same. Of course maybe it is, but somehow I got the idea that it’s not. And you’re right, that before I comment I should read the article. But honestly, I have no desire to. (I don’t even know where the article was written)
You mentioned she would be wise to put on a little makeup, comb her hair nicely, and wear attractive clothing. Somehow I got the feeling that Mrs. Mandelbaum was overacting. Comb their hair nicely? Where are these girls from, outer space? I don’t know Mrs. Mandelbaum, but if she can suggest plastic surgery, then in my view, she is overreacting, and likely overreacting over all that she saw. I walk in the streets of flatbush, and from what I see, the girls dress decent, they wear makeup, and their hair is combed nicely. And this is not when they are going to meet mothers! She is stating her own opinion, but that doesn’t mean other mothers there didn’t see a total different scene.
When my daughter was in shidduchim, a shadchen called me to tell me what the mother of a boy’s impression was about my daughter’s picture. The mother had said “well, her hair isn’t styled with the lastest style, but it looks neat and nice anyway, so I guess it’s ok.” Along with another such stupid comment, I right away told the shadchen, this shidduch is not for us.
As for plastic surgery, if a girl feels that SHE wants plastic surgery, that is her choice. I know of two people who had nose jobs. One got it at 14, because she begged her parents to get it for her. She did not do it to get a shidduch obviously. The other one had begged her parents, but they were not willing, and so she got it after she got married – which means it didn’t shter her shidduch prospects (she’s actually gorgeous). The fact that Mrs. Mandelbaum got it because she felt unattractive, is her prerogative. But she did it because she felt unattractive, not because she had to fear not getting a shidduch.
And the fact that many others get plastic surgery without my knowledge is perfectly fine. But to write an article suggesting girls to seek it if their looks are not perfect, that is something I don’t think is so fine.
I believe all these girls will find their bashert. They will find husbands who will find them beautiful even if some other people don’t.
While your posts are well written, what annoyed me was that you admit that today’s day people are concerned with this nonsense, yet you think it’s fine for someone to write an article encouraging the nonsense. Of course, it’s true that girls should take care of their appearance when they are in marriageable age, and it’s a mother’s job to make sure that that happens. I believe most do. There are those that don’t. If she just said what you said she would be wise to put on a little makeup, comb her hair nicely, and wear attractive clothing, I highly doubt the backlash would be the same, and if it is indeed as mild as that, then I admit my criticism is misplaced. And then I don’t understand why you call it an unfortunate attitude of today’s day. My guess is this has always applied.
Again, I did not read the article. But does it say anywhere in the article that mothers should look past a girl’s appearance and see who the girl really is? Does it say to have in mind that one day these girls will look like them (who you say are not such groiseh metzias themselves)? Does it say to look for real compatibility besides looking how the girl looks?
I wonder what the other mothers and girls in attendance have to say about this event. Did they see what Mrs. Mandelbaum saw?