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Rubberbands:
LISTEN TO YOUR RAV! The way you have presented your case in your multiple posts dribbling and drabbling bits and pieces, it sounds as though you are looking for a confrontation. If you are trying to patch a relationship, doing it with a confrontational approach is not going to allow you achieve your objectives. I reccomend, you let things drop and keep out of shark infested waters!
You asked how to present to your kids:
The more honest you are, the lest traumatized they will be. Don’t editorialize that they are dysfunctional. Stick to the facts:
“You know zaidy has a brother Yanky who for some reason they have been fighting for 20 years. I therefore had very little to do with my cousin Devorah. Devorah is the Mommy of your classmate Rochy. Even if Rochy is your best friend, her Mommy won’t feel comfortable inviting you over to her house. It is not against you, it’s just sometimes fights in families get really messy and can’t be fixed the way we would like”.
Your kid asks: Why can’t someone get everyone to make up?
“That’s what happens when people fight. Everyone wants to be right and no one wants to back down, even when they know deep down that they are wrong. This is why I always tell you kids to spend time and be nice to each other”.