yeshivishsocrates -“It seems that i havent said it enough times because youre still misunderstanding. At no point did i put the burden of responsibility on the wife. I feel for her and dont envy her plight. I merely maintain that the problem can be solved between them and professional intervention is an unnecessary measure.”
Yes, you keep repeating this, but do you have any proof that your
theory will work? Your conjecture will only place undue pressure on the spouse that she’ll start thinking that she has to solve this problem. It’s not her problem and she doesn’t have to solve it!
“I also stressed the importance of her being supportive and on his side in solving their shared problem.”
This line makes sense, even though it’s not exactly shared.
“She shouldnt oppose him and shouldnt make ultimatums which will put pressure on their relationship.”
While she shouldn’t oppose him & make ultimatums from the git-go, this is an effective last resort measure. She doesn’t have to try to sweet talk him into trying to cold turkey, because even if your theories might work on a few, it would be a very small amount. This small group that it might work on is not enough to tell e/o to try your method. Therapy will work on many. She should spend her energy trying to get him into therapy. Whether she can convince him herself to go or she can get s/o else like a Rov or family members to do it, is not really revelant.
If after all this he still won’t listen, then she should give him an ultimatum. The ultimatum should be either go to therapy or I’m outta here. An ultimatum to cold turkey or I’m gone is not a good idea, because most can’t stop on their own! (I posted a case above where this did work, but I don’t recommend this ultimatum.)