Reply To: Singles in The Frum Community

HaMagnat: Thanks!

burich: Why wouldn’t they talk about their husbands and kids? They’re a big part of their lives. It would be weird if they DIDN’T talk about them. Talk about other things as well, but don’t tiptoe around the largest part of your life!

intelligent: Why would anyone be offended by an invitation? Don’t phrase the invitation as, “You’re single, so you must be lonely, so why don’t you come for a meal this Shabbos.” Instead, just say, “We’d love to have you this Shabbos lunch. Would you like to come?”. Don’t just cold-call people you don’t know unless you can give a good reason–like that you heard the person has an interest that’s similar to yours or something similar. Of course, I’m only speaking for myself here!

As for the right thing to say in other situations, singles are people, too. Just talk to me like I’m a regular person. Don’t dwell on my singleness. I have other things on my life to talk about as well. If you have a shidduch idea, ask what I’m looking for, but don’t do it on front of a bunch of random people. I find that very embarassing.

One thing not to say–at chasunahs, don’t concentrate on my singleness. I am very happy for the kallah. Don’t ask me if it’s hard. If it is, you are making it harder. If it isn’t, you may have just made it hard. I’ve been at younger siblings’ and cousins’ weddings when people have come up to me, give me a big hug, and say something awful, like, “I am sure you wish that were you.” No, I am happy for the kallah. But I don’t need my singleness (i.e. my differentness) to be called out to everyone in the general vicinity.