Yehudah Tzvi ben Elisheva, you are going through a tough time. No doubt about it. May you have a complete recovery soon.
“Now my Elul is being wasted.”
Is it possible that your current ?????? are helping cleanse the slates of many among us? That would certainly not be a waste.
“I feel as if the Sitra Achra has placed this mechitza between me and Hashem.”
The successful modus operandi of the sa is Depression. It is important to be aware of this and guard against it as much as possible.
You write that you are isolated and not experiencing friends’ support. These conditions can be precursors to depression. Can someone make a visiting schedule so that your friends can come on board and remove 1/60th?
Hashem only expects you to do what you can do under these difficult circumstances and nothing more. The hardest might probably be accepting the situation with a modicum of acceptance and blessing. Tough stuff.
You have a tremendous amount of support here from the CR.
May you have a complete ????? ????? ?? ????? soon.