Danish: here’s a question for you:
When you work hard on something, and invest energy and effort, do you like to see results? Or do you like to see the project fail. Or even with a test. When you study for a test, do you like to do well, or do you feel good if you fail?
Presumably, you like to do well, and accomplish your goal. Whatever that was.
Every parent has a dream. They want their child to grow up b’darchei hashem. And in the ways of our mesorah. They invest all their energy and effort in trying to ensure that this happens. they spend time and money. they give of themselves emotionally and mentally. all in order to achieve this goal.
When they see their child not following the path they would have liked, of course it pains them. Because they put 16 years worth of energy into you. They still love you. I’m sure that you’ve learned that ???? comes from the root ??, which means to give. Love is created through giving. And they gave. A lot. Whether it was obvious or not. They may not have an easy time displaying their love and feelings openly. So it may be hard for you to see that they are constantly giving. But even if you think of it just in the physical sense, they’re giving. And that creates love. So they love you. The more they love you, the more painful it is for them that you are not going in the path that they would have liked. That doesn’t change their feelings towards you. But I’m sure that they are in a lot of pain and davening that you be able to resolve the internal conflict you are having and that you should have the menuchas hanefesh and menuchas haguf required in order to follow in the ways they would want.