It isn’t easy at all but here is a suggestion for a perspective change –
You get upset with your mom treating you like a baby but being mean to someone because they tell you what to do is a very babyish response. So to give yourself the ‘umph’ you need to resist, tell yourself that a MATURE response would be to do what she says, or explain yourself kindly. Many adults don’t know how to communicate effectively, but it is definitely an adult skill. So when you want to jump in with a hurtful/nasty response because you think you are grown up, tell yourself that that response would only be proving her point. (It is easier to cater to your ego, and then change your motivation, than it is to fight your ego)