Okay, I’ll respond to everything in order.
zahavasdad:
Selection of kosher food– yes, it is sometimes difficult to find kosher bread in smaller communities, but even that is not impossible to find. You would be surprised at the ease of finding other kosher foods. Las Vegas has a huge selection of kosher wines, including many labels I have never heard of before. We have kosher balsamic vinegar, kosher ramen noodles, kosher gummi bears, and lots of specialty products that are hard to find kosher. I even purchased, from the kosher section of a stam grocery store, a blue set of large spoons and spatulas marked DAIRY and a green vegetable peeler marked PAREVE. No labeling necessary! Who would have thought you could find these things in Vegas, and in a stam grocery store? It’s incredible.
Selection of schools– yes, you will have more to choose from in NYC. But you only need one school for each child, and unless you have children with learning disabilities or some other extenuating circumstances, choose a community that has a school that you like and you will be fine. Obviously you must research the school first, visit, find out if it will be a good fit. But do not be scared that there are two schools and not twenty if one of those two is a good quality school.
Frum kids to play with– you will of course live within the eruv. All the frum families will be concentrated in one area. You can decide how many friends you need your children to have. Even in a small community, you will not necessarily know every single person. Barring really tiny communities or really picky and asocial children, this should not be a concern.
Employers– I am not sure it is true that in NYC your employers will be more understanding. Being more knowledgeable about frum people will not necessarily work in your favor. Rebdoniel, this speaks to your comment about anti-Semitism as well. New York area employers will, for instance, have heard about all the chilul Hashem news stories (murder of Leiby Kletzky, the infants who died from herpes when a mohel practiced metzitzah, etc). You may in fact be better off in a small community where, by the way, the employers may be religious Christians and will totally respect your religious needs as opposed to in NYC where the employers are more likely to be atheists.
Seeing stores closed on shabbos– Okay, you won’t get much of that outside of New York. But in frum neighborhoods out of town, you can still walk in the middle of the street on shabbos. I don’t know about you, but that’s enough to give me “that feeling”.
rebdoniel:
Making aliyah can work either way economically. It obviously depends on your situation. If you have a career that will transition well to an Israeli market, and if you speak Hebrew passably well, you’re in much better shape than if your Hebrew is rusty and your career is distinctively American. If you eat a lot of produce, you will save more as an oleh than if you eat a more meat and potatoes diet. It just depends on what your lifestyle is. There are many factors to consider when discussing aliyah.
If you feel that social expectations are crimping your wallet, get out of your community. I’m completely serious. If shidduch dates at steakhouses and name brand clothing are values that you personally feel strongly about, go ahead. But if you’re only doing it to satisfy expectations? Don’t! There is no need! Find a community that comports well with your values. They do exist elsewhere in the New York area, if you really do not want to leave. Try Queens, Long Island, or New Jersey. Teaneck and Lakewood are obvious choices, but you might also consider Highland Park/Edison, Paramus, and Passaic.
“creative solutions to these problems…without compromising hiddurim and halakhic standards” See above. I wrote you a whole megillah.
You say that most people in “places like Texas” are “probably antisemitic [sic]”. Try visiting and then tell me what you think. Many goyim in what you deign to call “backwater places” are warm and friendly to everyone, including frum people, and will even ask you all kinds of questions about your frumkeit out of a genuine sense of curiosity and interest. Compare that to New Yorkers, who are rude and abrupt. I don’t know anything about Austin, but you would be completely safe in Dallas and Memphis, plus any number of other communities (I’ll give more examples if you want; I have a whole laundry list).
As for realism, everything I’ve said is completely grounded in reality and based on extensive research that my husband and I have done for the sake of deciding where we want to settle in a few years. We have visited many of these places already, called up rebbeim, and spoken to friends who live there.