ecplise: I can’t imagine what you are going through, but it sounds really tough. Stay strong, and may the force be with you.
It is very easy for someone else to tell you your problems should be a kaporah. It is much harder to really feel that way yourself, but it seems that you are getting there.
On a side note, that is exactly what we daven on Yom Kippur at the end of Viduy. We ask that Hashem should forgive us for everything, but not through pain and hardship. Once again, wishing you all the best.