You have my sympathy. It’s not easy growing up in a community where you don’t find the level of religion meets your needs.
My experience with Orthodox black hatters is that they need time to get to know someone. Once they befriend you, it will be a close friendship. Take the time to let someone get to know you, and your opinion will change.
It’s heartwarming to hear you say that you love Jews and you love being Jewish. Best of luck.