Dear Leeba,
Please do me a favor and go to Shabbat.com, and try eating a Shabbos Seuda somewhere. If it feels good, then keep doing it. If it doesn’t, then you are no worse off then you are now.
Look at the posts – even Da’as Yachid. We all love you – yet we will never know who you are. There are many things that are difficult to understand about Yiddishkeit. Add that one to the list and maybe your perspective will change.