You seemed to have answered your own question. You said you don’t have emuna that Hashem will provide you with parnassa if you were to get married now and you asked a rav and did not follow his guidance. Maybe you could learn more about the subject of emuna and hishtadlus as your views seem to contradict das Torah. Also it’s very important to have a rav who knows you well. More importantly you must trust him otherwise he is not your rav.
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