A Humorous Item

Home Forums Humor & Entertainment A Humorous Item

Viewing 50 posts - 701 through 750 (of 2,008 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #1172331

    kapusta
    Participant

    Top Twenty Flight Advertising Slogans

    1. BadAir: When you just can’t wait for the world to come to you.

    2. BadAir: We’re Amtrak with wings.

    3. Join our frequent near-miss program.

    4. On flights, every section is a smoking section.

    5. Ask about our out-of-court settlements.

    6. Our staff has had lots of experience counseling next-of-kin.

    7. Are our jet engines too noisy? Don’t worry. We’ll turn them off.

    8. Complimentary champagne during free-fall.

    9. Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.

    10. The kids will love our inflatable slides.

    11. If you think it’s so easy, get your own plane!

    12. Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?

    13. Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.

    14. BadAir: We may be landing on your street.

    15. BadAir: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.

    16. Bring a bathing suit.

    17. Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.

    18. That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.

    19. Fly BadAir and enjoy a free two-week hospital stay on us.

    20. BadAir: A real man lands where he wants to.

    #1172332

    teen
    Member

    i no someone whos in his teens and has one spot on his head that is white…does anyone no wy that happens?

    #1172333

    Kapusta Cute! badair… no reason to pack any luggage- it will get sent to the Timbuktu (unless you are going there)

    #1172334

    kapusta
    Participant

    teen why on this thread? we were just getting back on track… in answer to your wuestion its either part of the genetic makeup or lacking certain amino acids (maybe a certain food that he stopped eating a certain kind of protein or mineral or something.

    OK, back to humor!

    #1172335

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    kapusta: haha.$

    will hill: that’s funny.$

    teen: i know somebody that got a really blonde spot, from bleach.$

    #1172336

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    Will Hill: hi buddy!!! funny joke there!!!

    kapusta: ha good one!!!

    qwertyuiop: so it’s only in one spot??? i got a cousin who has a read bead & has a gray spot the size of a quarter in his beard!!! i always thought it looked pretty cool too!!!

    #1172337

    ujm
    Participant

    Will Hill: ROTFL!!!

    #1172339

    teen
    Member

    kapusta bec b4 it was off topic so i went with the off topic, topic and it didnt get back on topic until after i had already posted mine

    make sense?

    #1172340

    kapusta
    Participant

    teen: yep totally btw, please don’t tell me you were posting on an (assuming) non-moderated (updated) forum 3 hours ago. you’re almost as bad as me.

    will hill: LOL!

    #1172341

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    asdfghjkl: it’s complicated.$

    #1172342

    an open book
    Participant

    oh phew that makes more sense….i said qwerz sounded like he was in his 20s

    nice jokes. wish i had one to post

    #1172343

    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    moish- thin? glasses? red beard?… thanks for letting me know what I look like. I’ll be sure to pass the info along to my fam (PS- is this what that guy really looked like?! Do I sound like that big of a nerd?)

    qwerty- I know a few ppl with a white or grey spot in the middle of their hair. I happen to go for it- it’s unique 😉

    but that’s not what you made it sound like when you said some grey…. ;););)

    asdf- I’d say tall & thin describes you very well. And you probably have glasses- but funky ones, correct?

    #1172344

    kapusta
    Participant

    I dont remember if I posted on here before but teen; all forgiven

    more Dear Abbys:

    The following are a few letters sent to Abigail Van Burin (Dear Abby) that she herself admitted she was at a loss to answer:

    Dear Abby, What can I do about all the negative language and violence on my VCR?

    Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

    Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now, how do I get out?

    Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

    #1172345

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    areivim: omg you described me perfectly!!! i have the coolest glasses ever!!! this is nuts how correct you are!!!

    #1172346

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    areivim: i didn’t say where it was on my head.$

    #1172347

    moish01
    Member

    areivimzehlazeh

    Member

    moish- thin? glasses? red beard?… thanks for letting me know what I look like. I’ll be sure to pass the info along to my fam (PS- is this what that guy really looked like?! Do I sound like that big of a nerd?)

    you wish. happens to be he was ok looking and not suck a geek. but face it – that’s how you look. and do yourself a favor and break it gently to your wife. you don’t want her to freak or anything…

    #1172348

    Areivem: he did decribe u pretty well!! Haha

    Qwertyuiop: u can’t color the gray?

    #1172349

    heimesheyid
    Member

    ok now back to humor, anyone got any more jokes?

    #1172350

    xerox
    Member

    k well i’ve got a riddle:

    two legs sat on three legs with one leg on top of two legs. along comes four legs, jumps on two legs and grabs one leg. two legs jumps toward four legs, knocking over three legs, and grabs one leg back. Four legs runs away.

    Guess what is one leg, two legs… ect?

    #1172351

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    qwertyuiop: complicated is fine!!!

    #1172352

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    syriansephardi: with what a permenant marker???

    #1172353

    heimesheyid
    Member

    xerox, sounds very complicated, please post the answer.

    Mods, what happened to not approving posts off topic, maybe start a thread “see if u can figure out what I look like”…

    This is supposed to be a humor thread, not a guessing game!!

    #1172354

    xerox
    Member

    the answer:

    one leg- polka (from a chicken)

    two legs- a human (man)

    three legs- a stool

    four legs- a dog

    now re-read it!!

    #1172355

    Asdfghjkl: r u kidding me??? I mean at a hair salon!!!

    #1172356

    xerox
    Member

    heimesheyid- sorry abt the riddle not bein a joke- just culdn’t find the right place to put it! and any topic is bound to go off topic! sorry! :o)

    ames- cool! i didn’t think anyone wuld get it! Great guess!! :o)

    #1172359

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    syriansephardi: do u really think my dear friend qwertyuiop will be caught dead in a hair salon???? answer a big NO!!!

    #1172360

    h2
    Member

    Here’s acute joke I just heard;

    An atheist teacher asked a Jewish student “If you can’t see your god- why do you believe in him?”

    The student answered, “OK teacher, I can’t see your brains- that means you don’t have!”

    #1172361

    teen
    Member

    ames: haha very nice

    #1172362

    teen
    Member

    h2: ha go(o)d one

    #1172363

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    ames: ha ha i liked those!!!

    h2: kinda funny!!!

    #1172364

    Asdfghjkl????? Do u KNOW what a hair salon is??? Is a place where EVERYONE gets haircuts!!!!!! (Unless ppl come to their house) I actually never go to hair salons but that’s besides the point!!

    #1172365

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    ames & h2: great ones.$

    asdfghjkl: haha, thanx for answering for me.$

    syriansephardi: no need to color it, i like it.$

    #1172366

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    qwertyuiop: no prob buddy!!!

    syriansephardi: yes i know what a hair salon is!!! but qwertyuiop ain’t going there!!! he would only use the baber for a haircut-nothing else done!!!

    #1172368

    Qwertyuiop: well of course no need to, ur a MAN!!! Haha I seriously thought u were a women!! I was like WHY does she like her gray hair??? Now u bein a man explains everythin…..haha n I just wrote on a diff thread if u guys were gettin married!! Ha this is too funny

    #1172369

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    asdfghjkl: nope, i don’t go to the barber, i’m a caveman with wi-fi.$

    #1172370

    teen
    Member

    k heres a joke 🙂

    a priest, a rabbi, and a muslim walk into a shop and the owner says “what is this some kind of joke?” …wonder who will get this

    a guy walks into a bar and says….”ouch” (olddddddddd haha)

    haha heres a good one

    a preist and a homeless guy are next to each other both collecting…the homeless guy is dressed in rags and the priest is dressed all classy

    a guy walks up looks at them both and hands the priest a $10 bill, he tells the homeless guy if you were dressed better you might make more money

    after he walks away the priest turns to the homelss guy and says

    “Yankel he thinks he can tell us how to run our buisness”

    #1172371

    Joseph
    Participant

    asdf, are you qwerty’s attorney?

    #1172373

    headlines from the year 2029

    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

    Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

    France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

    Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

    85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

    Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

    Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

    Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

    Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

    New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

    Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

    Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines

    #1172374

    xerox
    Member

    ames- i like the donut one!! :o)

    any one got more? i like this thread!! :o)

    #1172376

    teen
    Member

    havesomeseichel: haha

    #1172377

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    syriansephardi: ha ha ha i can’t stop laughing from that one!!!

    Joseph: only sometimes do i act as my dear friend qwertyuiop’s attorney!!!

    qwertyuiop: ha ha i actually got a haircut on friday!!!

    havesomeseichel: those were good ones!!!

    #1172378

    Asdfghjkl: hahaha this was my chessed of the day- making u laugh!!!! 🙂 🙂

    #1172379

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    teen: i got it, those were pretty funny.$

    havessomeseichel: funny.$

    syriansephardi: i’m seeing your posts about me bbeing a wman in every thread, i’m gonna kill you.$

    #1172380

    Qwertyuiop: u just seriously made me crack up!!

    #1172381

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    syriansephardi: you won’t be laughing to much longer.$ mwahahahaha, jk

    #1172382

    Qwertyuiop: :), don’t say that! Hopefully I will! I LOVEE to laugh 🙂

    #1172383

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    syriansephardi: this is the humor thread.$

    #1172384

    Ya and ur point being??

    #1172385

    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    qwertyuiop: wanna borrow my gun that i got from moish???

    #1172386

    qwertyuiop
    Member

    syriansephardi: i wasn’t serious about hurting you.$ 🙂

    asdfghjkl: no thanx, i got my own.$

    .
    ___________________________________________,
    ___/ //////// ____/ |
    <__ |_////////__________________________________|
    ) * |________|
    / __________________________|
    / / || //
    / /______//
    / /~~~~~~~~~
    / /
    / /

    /

    .

Viewing 50 posts - 701 through 750 (of 2,008 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


Trending