Average Shidduch Age in the Frum Community

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  • #602618
    farrocks
    Member

    What in *your perception* is the average age young couples get married at, in the frum community? Please break your response down between boy and girl as well as by which community you are referring to.

    To start with my own perceptions:

    Ultra-Chasidish: 18 (Boy and Girl)

    Chasidish: 20 Boy, 19 Girl

    Yeshivish and Heimish: 22 or 23 Boy, 20 or 21 Girl

    Modern Orthodox: 27 Boy, 25 Girl

    #862390

    Me and my wife were pretty young for BTs. I was 21, she was 22 (she’s a few months older).

    As for what’s normal, I think you’re pretty close.

    #862391
    2facer
    Participant

    umm farrocks you got some wrong info there if i may correct it.

    Chassidish get married at 19 boy, 18 girl

    ultra chassidish get married at as young as 17

    proof being that the Belze Rebbe just made a Shidduch with his son who is 17

    whatever im just pointing it out

    #862392
    MorahRach
    Member

    I turned 23 a few weeks before my wedding. I have some verrrry MO friends who got married before me or around 23,24. My more yeshivishe friends between 20-23. (girls) my husbands friends on the more yeshivishe side around age 25. Everyone is different. I have a lot of Lubavitcher female friends who get married usually 22. Literally a shanda if the girl turns 24 and isn’t married. Oy.

    #862393
    writersoul
    Participant

    The whole question is moot. It depends on your priorities for what you feel you need before marriage— something which is NOT ALWAYS determined by your “grouping” (something which I’ve never quite gotten; where do I apply to find out what group I’m in?). Sometimes yes, especially with chassidim, but otherwise I’ve known of people from 17-60.

    Admittedly, the general population I’m counting (ranging from what OTHER PEOPLE call yeshivish to MO) clustered by 20-28 for girls and 22-32 for boys, but there are always outliers.

    #862394
    Sam2
    Participant

    Let me get this straight: You’re asking for us to post what we believe stereotypes are in this thread? This can lead to no good…

    #862396
    more_2
    Member

    2facer your new here?!

    #862397
    menucha12
    Member

    sam2 you are very right: no stereotypes

    but i think the right age for MOST people to get married is: 23

    #862398
    Geordie613
    Participant

    Many Chassidim get engaged at 17 but only get married a year later.

    #862399
    morahmom
    Participant

    Have there not been enough CR discussions that indicate that there is no such thing as “average” anymore?! Anyway, sorry, writersoul, but even if your priorities match those of your stereotype, things just don’t always work out the way we hope and expect.

    This is just another dangerous question if it leads our readers to get depressed because they are not in the societal norm.

    #862400
    mytake
    Member

    2facer

    The only chassidim who get married at 17 are generally from Rebbishe families.

    Farrocks is right. Ultra chassidishe couples get married at 18. THowever, they often get engaged a year before that.

    #862401
    writersoul
    Participant

    morahmom: Yes, I know. I really meant “starting shidduchim” when I mentioned priorities.

    Look— my mom and her friends began to date at 19. My mom’s friend got married at 20, my mom at 30, and my mom’s other friend at 40.

    My entire point was to

    a) put out what I see the numbers at (and by the way, there are PLENTY of outliers at the higher end of the spectrum unfortunately) and

    b) to point out that stereotypes mean practically nothing.

    #862402
    farrocks
    Member

    The younger, the better. (Chazal’s point, not mine.)

    #862403
    147
    Participant

    I once heard HoRav Avigdor Miller ZTKLLH’H answer in a Shiur:- “A 22 year old single girl, is an exceedingly old maid”.

    #862406
    avhaben
    Participant

    Uh moderator, poster dd just made a derogatory comment about a godol. How’d that slip in?

    #862407
    RedNails19
    Participant

    writersoul- GOOD POINT!!

    I agree, when the time is right it will happen. It has no difference as to what age you are. Im almost 21, nearly 79% of my close friends are married (from Lit/Heim?chasidish/ some sefardic and MO); with babies- some onto their second one…etc etc and im seen as an “old maid”?! Not at all!!! When its b’znamo its b’zmano!! Do your hishtadlus- and all that other garbage about being old maid and depressed- PA-LEEZ- live up your single years- you only have it once!!

    #862408
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Why is a older single female called an old maid but an older single male isn’t called an old butler?

    Is there a male equivalent to the word spinster?

    #862409
    charvona
    Member

    You make this sound like it is always a choice. I know a frum 27 year old young man, accountant, big 4 firm, (tall & thin) would love to get married but he is often turned down for being a worker and not a learner. He is not in the average, but not because of his choice.

    #862410
    avhaben
    Participant

    Goq: The male equivelent is an alte bochor.

    #862411

    its nvr to late uk…

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