Blame the shadchanim

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  • #963548
    Mammele
    Participant

    RebDoniel: you do know that Chazal said shemona esra lchupa, right? (Before you pounce, I’m not condoning it as an absolute, but you are way off base…)

    And be aware that the older – and probably more jaded – you are, the less “romantic” your marriage will be. And there is no greater humanitarian work than taking care of your own precious kids, who hopefully will not call you Dr. dad. Life is not a bed of roses, but postponing marriage seems like a cop-out to me. Good luck!

    #963549
    haifagirl
    Participant

    If I decide I want to move away to go to medical school, all I have to do now is hug and kiss my mother and shake my father’s hand.

    Why wouldn’t you hug and kiss your father, too?

    #963550
    golfer
    Participant

    Interesting that this thread is called, “Blame the shadchanim.”

    Everyone is searching for places to place the blame for their problems with shidduchim. We have the age gap theory, the vile vicious mothers of boys theory, the ridiculous useless resume theory, and now- the incompetent unreasonable shadchan theory.

    Anyone with a functional brain and moderate reading skills perusing some of the posts above, will buy the complaining singles a mirror and say, “Ladies & gentlemen, the fault lies not in your shadchanim, but in yourselves.”

    #963551

    Or how about this: some singles just aren’t meant to meet their bashert when they’re young. My cousin got married last August at the age of 35 and b”h is expecting a baby in a few months. Was she too picky for 15 years? No, she just hadn’t met her bashert yet. Better to wait for the right person than to think “well, I’d better choose someone”, marry someone who is wrong for you, and get divorced.

    #963552
    rebdoniel
    Member

    Rav Aharon Soloveichik, zt”l, rejects the whole romanticized way we conceive of bashert. A person can fall for many people in their lifetimes. Each one seems like “the one,” only for the entire shidduch to end in heartbreak.

    #963553
    gadfly_gadi
    Member

    [ad loc 2a]

    #963554

    I agree that a person can have multiple “bashert”s. In fact, I dated other men who probably would have been right for me had we each been in a different stage of life. It just didn’t work out at that point in time. B”h I am very happy with how things turned out 🙂

    I am not saying that there is only one “right” person. However, before you call someone picky for waiting around, remember that there are many, many “wrong”s.

    #963555
    BigGolem
    Participant

    If shadchanim are a necessary evil, they are more necessary than ever, considering the strict separation of the genders in much of the frum world. Perhaps the most strict it’s ever been. That leaves people in service to shadchanim as much as shadchanim ‘serve’ them.

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