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I once complimented myself on a first date. she thought that was so nice that she married me.
She must be a real dolt.
Anyone going on a date today in Brooklyn?
G’luck with all this downpour!
Dating in the rain is so fun! I get to wear my cute rain gear. Dating shouldnt b this little bubble with perfect little outings and perfect hair. It should be getting to know a real person in real life situations. Does she put her hair in a pony with a smile or does she freak out and cancell the date? Does he bring along an umbrella for her or make her walk an extra 4 blocks in the wet mist? Something to think about.. Also- ppl- seriously? U can get engaged to someone who doesnt compliment u or show he likes u?? really??
so adorable, what ended up happening with your friend? did she go out in the end or not?
my friend went out on a date today. She wore rainboots and brought her shoes in a bag, but never changed into them. She told me tonight that the shadchan said that the boy specifically noted that he liked that she wore rainboots and appreciated her excitement of jumping into the puddles. maybe dating in the rain isn’t so bad after all… 😉
I’m loving the irony. everyone seems to think its a good idea to compliment a lady who is not your wife on her appearance. in fact s2021 thinks she should not marry you unless you verbalize this. asking to marry her is not proof enough? on the other hand many dolts find it unreasonable to not want to marry a fat lady. how can a guy be so vain. badabapapa. i’m lovin’ it.
“asking to marry her is not proof enough?”
Proof of your attraction to her isn’t the point. Girls don’t just want “proof”. That means nothing. The point is, it is important for a woman to constantly feel assured and confident of her beauty, especially under circumstances where she is working hard to look attractive for a date; Or if she’s married, for her husband. A husband should get used to complimenting his wife on her appearance. It is very important to her.
And when you say “a lady who is not your wife”, you are making it seem like everyone here is encouraging giving compliments on looks to random women, which is NOT the case. Almost all of us were referring to dates, not random women.
Wow middle path Im impressed. Where did u get all ur knowledge about how woman need (ahem. need) to b treated? I thought guys were supposed to b clueless like that.
Thank you, s2021. Well, seeing how my father was not a very good role model for a husband, I knew I had to learn it myself, so that’s where I got the motivation from. And I did a lot of reading about treating women properly, as well as spent some time with girls when I was a teenager, and I picked up a lot of things. There is much I still don’t know, and I try to pick up new things all the time.
And guys are not supposed to be clueless about this. Unfortunately, many are, but guys should know this stuff. (Maybe yeshivos should give a class in how to treat a wife.)
i agree with MP.
“on the other hand many dolts find it unreasonable to not want to marry a fat lady.”
If by ironic you mean that people could believe simultaneously that a man should compliment his date/wife on her physical appearance, and then also believe that a man shouldn’t be so concerned with superficials, you are assigning generalizations superficially.
No one believes that a man should marry someone he’s not attracted to- obviously.
But if he appreciates how she looks he should (in the appropriate time for whichever circles you belong to…) tell her so. That’s separate from not wanting to marry someone you’re not attracted to.
MiddlePath, how old are you? You have an uncommonly mature and sensitive outlook for a young guy. The girl who gets you will be very lucky.
Guys who spent their entire unmarried lives NOT complimenting people of the female persuasion, do not magically change just because they said harei aht. No one says they should be indiscriminately flattering women, but they have to start learning to do so sincerely when they are little children, or they will not easily be able to do so sincerely as adults.
My husband after 34 years bli ayin hara and kein yirbu, still tells me EVERY DAY how pretty he thinks I am. He needs new glasses IMO, but it is still wonderful to hear, especially after all this time. And yes, I compliment him, too (not necessarily about his looks, though that is a part of it).
I think this topic is getting blown out of proportion.
so…. if you DO go on a date in the rain, does the guy bring 1 umbrella big enough for both, or 2?
What I don’t understand is when I see a lot of married people with the baloney compliments. It’s one thing to compliment on something when it’s true, but another to just make it up all the time. Eg. Your supper is sooo good when it’s barely mediocre. The wives of these guys never let on whether they enjoy this baloney or not. All I can tell you if I would have done such a thing (when I was married) and make up a story that greatly exaggerated the truth, my wife wouldn’t appreciate it in the least bit. I guess birds of a feather flock together. Some people enjoy compliments, no matter how far-fetched they really are!
Adorable -“what if she is the type that knows she hates rain”
Ok, most people don’t like rain. An adult keeps to their duties even when it’s uncomfortable. Why is this a duty? Because you scheduled a time to be somewhere with s/o. His time is also important.
Do you know anybody who doesn’t go into work (if not given off) because of inclement weather? Do you know anybody who says I’m not going to the hospital today because it’s rainning or snowing and having my kid in the house?
If a person is dating to get married, not just to have a good time, then dating is on the level of the things I just mentioned -that noone in their right mind would take off because of a little rain!
Health: You couldn’t have stated it any more perfectly. Great job!
I really would like to think you people are intelligent but you don’t make it easy. I guess maybe i can convince myself that some non-jews have an interest in this site. Thats what i can come up with to picture a person so devoid of torah values. My lords bible gives the impression that there is a difference between marriage and not marriage. Even in terms of how you should act. The difference is not just a piece of paper. The paper has halachic ramifications.
Thank you, oomis. I am in my lower twenties.
Health, I completely agree with you. It’s always best to be honest. True complimenting is when it is sincere.
Bar Shattya, I don’t know who or what you are referring to, but I’m sure there is a more polite way of saying whatever you are trying to say.
I guess maybe i can convince myself that some non-jews have an interest in this site.
And what a kiddush Hashem it would be if those non-Jews could say, “Wow! Those religious Jews really write well. They don’t have typos, and they use perfect grammar.”
I refer to those who think its anything other than a recipe for kares to act with someone who is not your wife as if she is your wife. There may come a time when i may have to hit a son of mine, but i don’t practice on kids who are not my sons.
haifagirl, that is very clever!
Bar Shattya, thank you for clearing that up. I think if you read through the posts on this thread more closely, you will see that your issue was discussed and settled.
what do you mean by settled? was some authoritative source quoted or did some taavah driven person tell you the thoughts of their twisted mind? Kares is not something to play around with. Really. It is sad.
What I mean by “settled” is that it was concluded that some people here believe one should not be complimenting appearances of a date, while others here believe it is okay. There are also people here that believe it depends on who or what number date it is. And I think everyone here is correct, for the circles they are in. But I think NO ONE here is promoting the idea of complimenting appearances of a random woman on the street.
Does this settle the issue?
If your date won’t go out in the rain, you might be getting a fair weather friend (bad pun, but I could’nt help it 🙂
Tell her to wear clothing that approriate for the rain, or to go to suggest an indoor mall. In Bklyn, Kings Plaza has an indoor parking lot, so its weather proof. (while they are there, they can sign up for all the bridal registries!)
Yeah i suppose some people just get kares and some people just dont and either way is cool. I dont hate kares people. they’re all my brothers. so I guess thats settled.
” I really would like to think you people are intelligent but you don’t make it easy. “
bar shattya, I would really like to think you have derech eretz, but you don’t make it easy.
You know what they say. derech eretz kadma latorah. another truism is that you have to use training wheels before you ride a regular bike, but once you can ride a regular bike you dont need training wheels anymore
To not date in the rain? Interesting question. Assuming you’re talking about a standard rainshower and not a monsoon, I’ll ask: did you stay home from work when it rained? Did you not go to shul when it rained? Do you think someone who is reluctant to step out in the rain for a date is truly in the parsha for tachlis dating? It rains, it snows, etc. No one expects you to be the postman, but come on, you won’t melt.
bein hasdorim – that was harsh dont ya think?
Whoa! hold the phone! first of all i’m very sorry Adorable there was a Total misunderstanding!
I didn’t really read the op, was making a general joke about rain
making all the makeup girls use come off. If i had any idea that i was referring to a specific poster, (or could even be attributed to anyone specific) I would NEVER post it. or say that.
When I saw your post I was frightened why you thought I was talking bout you. then I checked the op.
It was my fault and I sincerely apologize and hope you are Mochel me for any embarrassment I caused.
I will try to ask the mods to please remove it.
If you are not mochel me please let me know as well.
Thank you and I know I’m sorry doesn’t cut it.
adorable, I’m absolutely sure that the right guy for you will find you, and your looks, extremely attractive.
I’m sure you are adorable inside out. but again it wasn’t a joke, intended at you or at your expense. Since the op was vague and seemed like it was talking about girls in general, the question was asked for girls in general.
The answers some posters answered were directed at you though, hence an easy assumption that when i copied their answer and made a joke about girls wearing too much makeup (not you i’m sure you don’t need any) Then somehow it ended sounding like It was referring to who they were answering.
I hope that made any sense. As far as I can remember I never made fun of anyone specific here EVER! That is just mean and embarrasses the poster more than the one they wrote about.
Adorable; do you forgive me?
Adorable u r, Thank you!
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