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Many here seem to think that controlling a child’s behavior at all costs is the key to preventing OTD teens.
I believe that it is likely that such parenting is THE root cause of MOST children going OTD.
Would you rather a child who does bad things but trusts, communicates with, and confides in his/her parents?
Or would you rather a child who seemingly doesn’t do many bad things but resents his parents control over his/her life (even on a subconscious level) and desperately hides whatever bad things s/he does?
Note: EVERY child does some bad things.
very true. i thought things over and realized that one cannot prevent his child from doing some things. in todays world, someone can do the worst things possible without their parents knowing about it. whats most important is establishing that the parent will always love their child, no matter what he does. and ensuring that the child knows it alright to make mistakes, in fact, its healthy to do so. parents really have to work on unconditional love.
Would you rather a child who does bad things but trusts, communicates with, and confides in his/her parents?
Yes, and hopefully their definition of “bad” includes skipping vasikin and tikkun chatzos, and posting on Yeshiva World.
The OP isa leading question and I insist that the topic be closed and the poster banned.
“I believe that it is likely that such parenting is THE root cause of MOST children going OTD.”
The problem goes way beyond parenting.
I would suggest the mere fact that we call it off THE derech is problematic as it assumes there is ONLY one derech. Accepting that there is only one derech often leads to ostracizing of the one who is not like the others. This then leads to to feelings of dissonance which will not always and perhaps not even often bring the one who does not fit in back to the fold.
Judaism is not black and white as many families/schools/people believe it to be. Yet we preach and “us” vs “them” mentality almost every day.
I’m certainly not making any suggestions to fix the siutation, but in my mind and as someone who is not a parent yet, I’d rather have a son/daughter who doesn’t necessarily follow every halacha to a T than one who does because their parents/community compelled them to do it and down the line inevitably rejects me as a parent and the community they grew up in as intolerant of those who do not fit the mold.
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