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Husbands of the world, there is an evilness in our midst. A sinister plot against us. How many of us, innocent men going about our business, HOW MANY OF US have suffered at the hands of our wives? I have been married only a few years, my brothers, only a few years. Yet I have already put on 15 pounds!!!
A little while back I did a study and found that 100% that’s ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of men who got married and put on weight also ate BEFORE they were married.
Do you understand what this means? This is a clear indication that it is ONLY the food that we are fed by our “dear, loving, caring” wives that causes this!
How many of us can no longer leave the shabbos tish without opening a button or a hook? how many of us worry that we may need to buy new pants every 5 years if we want to get dressed in the mornings?
We MUST unite! We must BAND TOGETHER and fight this- this threat to our very waistlines!
why are you “blaming” the wives if you wrote that these men also ate before they got married.
Just think how insulted your mothers are that you like your wife’s food better than theirs.
Marry a bad cook, or skip the third helping, sir.
Stop blaming people! Have some self control and don’t eat so much!
“Thanks, I’m full.” is a complete sentence.
I’m going with the original post is satire.
Its not just the cooking. When you live in a dorm you have your 3 meals. When you get married you stock up your apartment and you have access to junk all day. My boys got married and both gained alot of weight. They did marry amazing cooks but when i saw the nosh closet and the fully stocked fridge i saw that had a huge part in them going up another size!
Marriage should be about self-control. I blame the parents in a lot of these cases. Your son gets married after being in a dorm with no creature comforts and all of a sudden he owns a new car, new furniture and perhaps a new house. You just spoiled your child for no reason -he didn’t go out and work for all these things. So why should a spoiled child all of a sudden have self-control when it comes to food?
it seems the coffee room is not a venue where satire is sufficiently appreciated.
I do. LedOL, in fact.
Mod80, I agree with that statement 100%!
health -Self control is a basic staple to life, there is no one to blame but the eater.
I, too, would like to complain about my wife’s cooking.
The food she cooks is extremely good, very tasty and almost impossible to resist. I married her because of her excellent cooking but did not know at that time that she would use it as a weapon against me.
We were just discussing this last week..
My husband was saying that he sees his friends who in yeshiva were skinny now a few sizes bigger! I guess either use ones self contorl or deal with lifes issues!!
the gemara states: “Ain simcha elah b’ma’achal uvimishteh”
real-brisker -But like most things in life, you learn from your parents. True a person needs self-control, but it’s much harder to achieve when you’re spoiled rotten! Over-eating, smoking, these are things that a lot a people have trouble with in life. It helps with being able not to indulge, if you had a proper upbringing!
and my wife is not the only problem. This week I will visit my mother in Florida, who is also a terrific cook. How much can one man be expected to eat?
Maybe a gym membership? Walk around the block a few times every day? Buy a bike?
Derech – the satire was appreciated. It is a real phenomenon, though. Maybe ask your wife to cook in smaller quantities so it looks like you’re eating more and she can still feel appreciated?
Health – Do you mean to say that parents arent being mechanech thier children properly? They are forgetting to teach them a very important key?
Derech HaMelech – “I have been married only a few years, my brothers, only a few years. Yet I have already put on 15 pounds!!!”
What’s your excuse going to be when you are married longer and the wife is no longer cooking your meals, and you’ve put on +50 pounds?
cherry, Why would the wife no longer be cooking the meals? She’ll be doing so ad meah v’esrim.
My husband also gained a lot of weight and my MIL doesnt give me credit for cooing good meals…She aint too happy about it!!
real-brisker – Exactly. Do you think spoiling your adult kids is good chinuch?
How about Husbands Against Being Flattened?
Health – What do you mean by spoiling? How exactly do you spoil them?
For all those husbands who worry about being fattened up by their wives’ excellent cooking – here’s an exercise you can do to stave off the extra pounds. Pick up your clothing that is strewn all around the bedroom floor, take out the garbage daily, load and unload the laundry into the washer/dryer, and push yourself away from the table three times a day. That ought to do it!
real-brisker -Read my post above! Ya know the First one!
Oomis – if I give you enough money, can I have a bedrooom by the water?
Health – There is two ways of looking at it, I dont think getting a car, apt, furniture is called being spoiled! These are basic things that are needed in order to live his own life. Where else should he get this from if he doesnt have a penny to his name? No I wouldnt call it being spoiled. However if he gets a fancy car, a house (not an apt.) Fancy furniture, yes that is spoiled. I dont think most parents do option b, rather the more unspoiled option a.
Derech HaMelech:
You make a fine satirist. Thanks for the grins.
real-brisker- In the town that I live in most parents do option B.
I live in the town with the biggest yeshiva/kollel in the world. It’s about 95% of parents, maybe even more. 20 years ago, yungerlight would drive a jalopy and then upgrade to a stationwagon. They would get secondhand furniture and live in an old apt. building. You probably don’t even have 1% who do this anymore. You must be living in a dream world; everyone is spoiled nowadays!
Health – Sorry to disagree with you, but lets take lakewood for example. The avg. kollel yungerman has an apt. for around $800 a month, A buick century, or a chevy impala, or some of the sort, and they are usually bought used and a good 10 yrs old. Well obviously no one these days no one is going to be driving a station wagon – cause they aint sell em any longer! But no, I dont think the avg lakewood couple is spoiled. I dont know where you are getting your sources from.
real-brisker- Do you live here? I get my sources by looking out the window. A good 10 years old, yea right! I’m sure you live in Gertners and walk from 5th to sixth everyday. If you would take your head out of your daled amos or the clouds and walk on private way south of fifth or anywhere else here, you’d know what I’m talking about.
no one in the world could be blamed for someone elses eating habits, it is totally self control.blame blame blame…. yourself!!!!
Health – No I dont, but I do visit occasionaly and this is what I picked up, besides for the plenty of people that I know of that are not living this spoiled way.
real-brisker – Maybe you still live in Europe (Brisk,Lita), but most newlyweds in America are spoiled. I said most, not all!
OP “…We must BAND TOGETHER”
A rather unfortunate choice of language when there’s a whole thread on the stomach gastric band…
Anyways, let me tell you a story. A friend of mine AND HIS WIFE decided they both needed to diet. They were very good for a while, being careful whatever they ate, so on the next Rosh Chodesh his wife said why dont we go to a grocery store and get ourselves a small something as a treat. So off they went and the wife picked out something new. The husband said “oh no, thats not very tasty. Try something else”. So she chose a different nosh and the husband said “oh I dont think thats good either”. “Wait a minute” said his wife suddenely, “how do you know these are not good???”
Yes you guessed it – the husband on his way to and from kollel had been sneaking in and buying things…
SO YOU CANT BLAME THE WOMEN FOR EVERYTHING!!!
it’s true they are doing it on purpose they want you to be heavy, and not to have a quick reaction time to deflect the frying pan. DON’T LET YOURSELF BE FOOLED !!!! THAT SECOND PORTION IS JUST THERE TO GET YOUR GUARD DOWN!!! say no to the extras, it’s a vast (pun intended) conspiracy!!
Its not baal tashchis, and I’m not a dustbin (trashcan)…
Next time cook less…
Give it to your freezer or other beings.
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