how to become more religious?

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  • #1174029
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    “kosher and shabbos are the most important for a jew.”

    You keep saying this, on what do you base this statement? Why is taharas hamishpacha, hearing the shofar on Rosh Haashana or kibbud av or any other of the taryag mitzvos any less important?

    I dont know where it has come from, but it seems that has become the general definition. There are unfortunatly many people who keep shabbos and kosher and for example do not daven 3 times a day or learn every day

    There are also R’L many women who keep shabbos and kosher and wear pants and do not cover their hair

    #1174030
    absan
    Participant

    Sparky I am very proud of you. In fact I have a Tora Mate were learning together for about a year. This family came a long way..The last few weeks we broke it through they became shomer shabbat. You can’t imagine how happy and thankful we all were..When someone wants to become better like you mentioned we all as a jewish nation want to help (especially here in this coffee room we are one big family) we got a little disapointed when you gave up so fast . We know you are very special. We all have our nisyonas Remember non of us are perfect ,we all want to get better and if we want enough the time will come and we will get there. Never give up…

    #1174031
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Truebt, your post is beautiful, but Sparkly is not a bt. You probably have not read all her posts in previous threads, or you would realize that the context of her posts is not what you are making it out to be, and that there is a reason why people are responding the way that they are. When people become Frum, they are told to take it slowly, since it is not a good idea to take everything on at once. Even if someone is already Frum, they are also told to work on themselves step by step.

    However, that is not exactly the issue at hand.

    The problem is that in the world of “already Frum” people, there is unfortunately a certain attitude in a large segment of the Orthodox world. This attitude is that being Frum only includes Shabbos and Kashrus and a few other things such as fasting on Yom Kippur and Tisha B’Av, but certain things such as tznius and shmiras hayain and being shomer negiah are not “included” in being Frum, and they are kind of viewed as extras. They are for people who are “ultra Orthodox”, and as long as you call yourself Modern Orthodox, you are not obligated in those Mitzvos.

    Of course, we are all unfinished products, and we are all working on ourselves, and some people find certain things more challenging than others do. The fact that someone has certain challenges does not mean that he should consider himself OTD, and he should be praised for keeping those things that he is able to.

    However, there is a very fine line between saying that a certain Mitzvah is challenging for you and between legitimizing its non-observance. When someone (with the possible exception of a new bt) makes a statement that being Frum means keeping Shabbos and Kashrus, he is advocating that viewpoint, albeit inadvertantly.

    Sparkly is in a situation in which it is important for her to feel good about those things that she does keep (and it is even possible that she keeps everything) and to feel that she is still an Eved Hashem and part of the Orthodox community even if she can’t live up to all the things that she was once taught that everyone has to do and even if she feels she needs to be part of a community where many do not keep everything.

    She is absolutely right for feeling that way, and I think it is great that she found a community in which she feels comfortable and can continue being an Eved Hashem.

    However, she has a hard time differentiating between the two attitudes and understanding that it is possible to be tolerant and accepting of someone without validating their actions. So she ends up making statements that inadvertently espouse the viewpoint that one does not HAVE TO keep certain Mitzvos and it is being extra-Frum if one does, as well as the view that calling oneself Modern Orthodox makes it okay to do things that would not be okay were one to call oneself Yeshivish. Hence, all the comments in response to her comments.

    #1174032
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Sparkly. You keep saying things with implications you may or may not mean. We are not prophets and only know what you write not what you really intend. With that said, I don’t know what they do or don’t teach at Ohr Samayech but I’m fairly certain they never said two specific mitzvos are more important than others. They may have advised two take on those 2 mitvos before others but it wouldn’t be because they are most important. All are equally important. I think you are making an assumption that is wrong. Either way as has been stated several times, you need a mentor and a guide to consult and clarify. I’m also certain that anyone at Ohr Sameach would tell you the sentiment “I’m happy where I am right now” is not correct.

    #1174033
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Sparkly, I do want to say that I think it is great that you have found a community in which you can be comfortable and be an Eved Hashem and grow at your own pace. However, you do have to be careful about making comments which imply that one does not HAVE TO keep certain Halachos.

    It is also important for you to realize that calling oneself Modern Orthodox does not change one’s obligations. If something is assur, it is assur whether or not you call yourself MO. If it is muttar, it is muttar whether or not you call yourself MO. Not being shomer negiah is assur even if you are MO. Talking to members of the opposite gender in certain circumstances is muttar even if you don’t call yourself MO. The label you give yourself does not change the halacha.

    Also, you have to be careful about deciding on the importance of Mitzvos based on what PEOPLE commonly do. It is very common for people to keep everything but hilchos tznius. This does not meant that tznius is any less important than any other Mitzva. It simply means that it is harder for most people to keep.

    We have to be careful about deciding things based on what is accepted societally. The fact that tznius and negiah are ignored does not make them unimportant; it just means that they are difficult. We don’t decide how important something is by how difficult it is or how widely- kept it is. If you want to say that these things are hard, say that they are hard, but do not say that they are not important.

    #1174034
    Chortkov
    Participant

    Lilmoid Ulelameid: Kudos for an exceptionally written post. Three times I drafted a response to Sparkley, trying to point out everything you so eloquently said – about using labels to justify wrongdoings, about the difference between failing a nisoyon and accepting that – and each time I deleted my post because my tone was too critical, and the only try that wasn’t critical simply didn’t cover the points. Thank you for being able to give mussar directly to the point, without the “You-are-not-as-frum” tone.

    #1174035
    Avi K
    Participant

    Lilmod ulelamaid, I would add a caveat to your caveat. Many times whether or not something is permitted depends on custom and can vary from place to place, time to time or community to community. Tzeniut is an example. To cite two examples that have been discussed in the CR, in some communities it is unacceptable for women to drive and in others it is not. In some calling someone by his/her first name is considered closeness whereas in others it is not. One can also add the issue of wigs.

    #1174036
    Meno
    Participant

    LU,

    Fantastic post.

    Doesn’t need any additional caveats.

    #1174037
    Sparkly
    Member

    i am not a baal teshuva. ive been frum my whole life.

    #1174038
    Sparkly
    Member

    zahavasdad – so its better for them to stop keeping shabbos and kosher if they dont keep tznius?

    #1174039
    Sparkly
    Member

    lilmod ulelamaid- you almost got what i was trying to say but only 70%. the issue with me is that i didnt go to a jewish high school since i was homeschooled and i ONLY learnt english subjects NOT hebrew subjects so i try my best to keep whatever i can but for someone in my situation its VERY HARD to stay frum let alone be VERY frum.

    #1174040
    apushatayid
    Participant

    There are several components to observance. The first is the knowledge that one has certain religious obligations the second is, how committed you are to fulfilling those obligations. There is another component called growth, which is the recognition that there is more to observance than (I am using these examples because they have come up) just Shabbos and Kashrus, and learning about it and committing to its observance as well. Ones environment certainly plays a role in ones growth, or its opposite. I doubt most people simply remain “as is”. I have no idea how old you are, where you live or what type of people you spend your time with, but at some point in your life people simply wont care where you went to high school.

    #1174041
    Sparkly
    Member

    apushatayid – when your in shidduchim they DO care where you went to high school.

    #1174042
    apushatayid
    Participant

    I don’t know what you are looking for in a shidduch. I don’t know where you live or what your social circle is like. I don’t want to know either. All i Will say is that you might be looking for shidduch b in the wrong place.

    #1174043
    Sparkly
    Member

    apushatayid – what do you mean in the wrong place? so i should go ask for a a non jew? A nice frum guy who is going to either learn in kollel full time or work and learn just like a typical frum girl wants.

    #1174044
    absan
    Participant

    sparkly..eveyones trying to help you I think you got to many mentors ,in return you and everyone seems confused. Especially the way the post comes in we just get broken conversations .You are the best of as I stated before one good mentor which shall guide you period.

    #1174045
    Sparkly
    Member

    absan – do you have a mentor?

    #1174046
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Meno & Yekke2: Thank you so, so much!!!! You don’t know how much I appreciate the validation. It is not something I have been getting very much of in the CR. It is quite frustrating when I speak up about something because I feel I have a chiyuv to even though it is extremely difficult for me, because it is really not my type at all to say anything resembling criticism to anybody, but when it is a question of Loshon Hora or a bizayon to the Gedolim or kefira, I have to speak up even though it is REALLY hard for me, and it is really upsetting when I get knocked for it.

    So I really appreciate your validation!! Thank you!!!

    And Yekke2 – I’m glad you felt it wasn’t too critical because I was worried that I may have come across too harsh.

    Avi K. – true. Even then, I have always felt that it is important that people differentiate between black and white halachos that are assur because the Shulchan Aruch says so and between things that are assur because of Minhag Hamakom, and might be muttar is certain times and/or places. For example, it has always bothered me that some people don’t realize that according to straight halacha, girls are not required to wear socks. If you are part of a community in which it is the norm, it probably is assur to not wear socks. And even if you aren’t, it is possible that many Gedolim feel very strongly that “all bnos Yisrael wear socks” (quote from Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach Zatsal when he was asked by the head of an MO seminary if the girls were required to wear socks), but it still seems to me that it is important to differentiate between not wearing socks and not covering your knees, and even if you are makpid to wear socks, you shouldn’t feel that someone who doesn’t is not-Frum.

    #1174047
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Everyone who wants to grow should read this often. It is a letter that Rav Hutner Zatsal wrote to a student of his who was struggling. The english translation below was published in the Jewish Observer in Dec. of 1980 or 1981. It may have been translated by a Rav Kirzner, but I’m not sure.

    Everyone is awed at the purity of speech of the Chofetz Chaim, considering it a miraculous phenomenon. But who knows of the battles, struggles and obstacles, the slumps and regressions that the Chofetz Chaim encountered in his war with the yetzer hara (evil inclination)? There are many such examples, to which a discerning individual such as yourself can certainly apply the rule.

    The result of this failing is that when an ambitious young man of spirit and enthusiasm meets obstacles, falls and slumps, he imagines himself as unworthy of being “planted in the house of Hashem.” According to this young man’s fancy, flourishing in the house of Hashem means to repose with calm spirit on “lush meadows” beside “tranquil waters” [Tehillim 23] delighting in the yetzer hatov, in the manner of the righteous delighting in the reflection of the Shechinah, with crowns on their heads, gathered in Gan Eden. And at the same time, untroubled by the agitation of the yetzer hara, along the lines of the verse “Free among the dead” [Tehillim 88:6].

    Know, however, my dear friend, that your soul is rooted not in the TRANQUILITY of the yetzer tov, but rather in the BATTLE of the yetzer tov. And your precious, warm-hearted letter “testifies as one hundred witnesses” that you are a worthy warrior in the battalion of the yetzer tov. The English expression, “Lose a battle and win a war” applies. Certainly, you have stumbled and will stumble again (a self-fulfilling prophecy is not intended) and in many battles you will fall lame. I promise you, though, that after those losing campaigns you will emerge from the war with laurels of victory upon your head and with the fresh prey quivering between your teeth. Lose battles but win wars.

    The wisest of all men has said, “A just man falls seven times and rises again” [Mishlei 24:16]. Fools believe the intent of this verse is to teach us something remarkable – the just man has fallen seven times and yet he rises. But the knowledgeable are aware that the essence of the tzaddik’s rising again is by way of his seven falls. ” ‘And He saw all that He had made and behold, it was very good.’ ‘Good’: that is the yetzer tov. ‘Very good’: that is the yetzer hara” [Bereishis Rabbah 91.

    ________________________________________

    My cherished one, I clasp you to my heart, and whisper in your ear that had your letter reported on your mitzvos and good deeds, I would have said that I had received a good letter from you. As things stand, with your letter telling of slumps and falls and obstacles, I say that I have received a very good letter from you. Your spirit is storming as it aspires to greatness. I beg of you, do not portray for yourself great men as being as one with their yetzer tov. Picture rather their greatness in terms of an awesome war with every base and low inclination.

    #1174048

    how to become more religious?

    It’s a ever ascending Pyramid

    Start with the Top

    Read Messilas Yeshorim,

    Each level will take a whole life

    Try, however, to keep the first few levels each for about a half year

Viewing 20 posts - 51 through 70 (of 70 total)
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