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A mother called me crazy because I informed her that her child was bike riding without his helmet and because her son was on an unsafe block. I simply wanted to let her know since she is usually never around for own kids and they are being raised by a spanish babysitter/housekeeper. Last time I checked children are supposed to be wearing helmets when bike riding. There are too many stories about this and I didnt need another one. So she called me crazy behind my back and informed me her kid was doing nothing wrong and that she didnt care. She said that Mashiach will come because her kid was bike riding in that unsafe area. Am I crazy??? I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her. Another mother I told the same thing to, told me that since her kid was near me tha he better get home this second and get a helemt otherwise no more bike riding. That is a mother who cares but also wasnt around to witness this. What does the CR think?
You did the right thing.
Normally, I could care less about neglectful parents and how they mis-manage their kids (poor diet, lousy middos, ect) but bike riding has a special place in my heart.
The only thing I would have added to the 1st mother is that I’m going to call Child Services and report the fact that the kid is riding unsupervised, and without a helmet.
THAT gets their undivided attention. Not becuase they care about the kids.. but becuase it might affect their benefits.
I would definitely want you to tell me if this would be my child.
About the mother…. She was probably just overwhelmed with pesach cleaning. She did not mean to offend you in any way. Either way, you just continue doing what you did. An ounce of prevention is better than a lb. of cure.
I think u did the right thing. The mother probably called u crazy as a defense mechanism. Maybe the way you “informed” her felt like an attack. Im sure most Moms would get defensive if they felt like ther parenting skills were being judged or attacked..
I think you did the right thing.
Next time, just hit her son with your car, and she will learn like that.
You are not crazy, she should have thanked you.
And I was called a lot of other unmentionable names.
i think that people should just mind tgeir own buissness and do what theyre supposed to do. in my opinion……wtvr..
I think you gave a lot of details about the mother,which may identify her.What she does,her maid,etc.Perhaps just those details could be “edited out”?
gumball- I completely agree with you. It is none of anyone elses business what I or anyone does with my children. It does not mean I don’t love my child because I don’t want someone else telling me how to parent my child. It means I (notice the IIII here) love my child and you aren’t meant to- so please leave my child and myself alone.
This is all my opinion though:)
Btw yogibooboo im not a mother yet let alone married!! lol but true what u said but some people wouldnt like it, yes i think ur right but sometimes people can go crazy when u say something about their kids wtvr u just need 2 know who ur handling with ……:)
Yogi…who have a playgroup?
How can people judge whether someone is a good parent? Do you know what goes on in their homes? Do you know where the parents are when the kids are left with a babysitter? Maybe the parents have to work or tend to a sick relative. How do you know ” a mother is NEVER home” and what business is it of yours anyway. Aren’t we supposed to judge others favorably?
In cases where you might have to give “constructive criticism” how do you say it? Is it in a condescending “holier than though” attitude? Or do you say it nicely. Do you ever offer to help a tired, overworked, underpaid mother? Or do you just sit back and criticize.
MY brothers helmet saved his life… it’s a long story
yogibooboo, stop already!!!! wait till you become a mom and you will see how hurtful it is when you are always judging ppl. keep to yourself and don’t block anyones driveways!
Next time, just hit her son with your car, and she will learn like that.
remind me not to be around you
There is a pediatric neurologist in Far Rockaway who is the doctor all Rabbonim from all over the world consult with in any emergency with neurological problems,even if it is Shabbos. His wife works with my sister and she tells of how her husband knocks on peoples doors,(especially on Shabbos afternoon when many kids are on their own and do whatever they shouldn’t be doing )and gives the parents the type of mussar you gave and how they just leave their kids hefker. If they talk back to him he tells them that now they are yelling at him and when there is a problem they come running and begging to him for help even if on Shabbos or Yom Tov.
There is a hospital in Manhattan, if i remember correctly it is Cabrini which has one floor of children who are brain damaged and living as vegetables lo aleinu some as result of such as not wearing a helmet while riding a bike.
If our grandchildren are caught without their helmets, the bikes are taken away. It’s the law of the land and Dina D’Malchusa Dina!
Your were 100% right.
yogibooboo:
King Soloman taught us “Al tocheach letz, pen yisnoeko. Emor l’chochom, v”yehoveko” Do not rebuke a letz, since he will hate you[for it]. Tell a wise person, and he will love you.
Shelo says, its one person! Don’t rebuke a person by telling them, or thinking they are a letz (i.e. irresponsible, goyta raising kids, obnoxious, etc etc etc), they’ll hate you for it. Tell them and recognize they’re a wise person (only wise people will choose to heed your advice anyhow!), rebuke them this way, and they’ll love you.
I’m not a soon to be mom..
when I was younger I gave peaople my opinion (I’m not the criticizing type)
Now I mind my own business…
as long as my children listen to me, thats good enough!
And NO I dont appreciate when former neighbors call me just to let me know where my child is or who he is spending time with!
I dont think it’s her business… I know what my child is upto and I know what I have to do about it!
and if I dont know yet I will when I have to..
Yogi, I take offense to your comment about the Five Towns!!!
On the other hand you were right to inform the mother. Riding a bike without a helmet is against NY law.
Lia – Cabrini closed down awhile ago.
“Not a newly married pisher! sorry, don’t mix in!”
If you see someone doing something dangerous the Torah requires you to say something. I personally don’t because where I live I would almost say it’s most people not being careful with their or their kids lives. Eg. -No helmets, standing up in moving cars, even when they are sitting – no seatbelts, on the cell phone while driving and totally distracted (I’m not the police, it’s still illegal even if you aren’t distracted), letting young kids cross streets when they don’t know how (crossing in middle, not knowing how to cross at a light -you still have to look for turning traffic). I could probably go on & on but I don’t have the time and to tell everyone off -if I spent the whole day doing it – I still wouldn’t finish.
yogibobo – Was your statement correct – Yes, everyone would agree that helmets should be worn. Regarding telling the mother, I personally would not have told for a few reasons – A) She most probalay new about it, and is working on it. (unless it was a one time thing, so there is no purpose anyways) B) I don’t like mishing arien in other peoples gishefts C) The Main Reason – PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE GETTING TOLD WHAT TO DO, especially mothers, or when it comes to chinuch matters, people don’t like getting told they are doing something wrong, or should do it a different way… But are you Crazy – No
are the ones I like!
Good for you! Is disliking and “cant stand”ing other Jews permissible? How do we know which is worse?
yogibooboo: How do you know what she said behind your back? We are not permited to believe these things, and they must be vied as motzie shem ra.
yogibooboo: It appears from your first post that you said the right thing, but whether or not you did the right thing depends on how you said it. If your tone was condemnatory or effete, you said the right thing but did it the wrong way.
Your second post reads in part: “i see day in and day out parents not caring and its driving me crazy.” You have therefore plainly said that if you are not crazy, you recognize that you are on your way. Admitting your problem is the first step to recovery.
As for “Spanish babysitter/housekeepers”, I know lots of them – they are called “Sephardim.”
yogibo, it sounds like you know too much about this woman and her children, maybe you need to back off. Let parents raise their own children, and learn from their own mistakes.I f you are interested in saving lives, become a firewoman.
You did the right thing.
My brother had a classmate who would be alive today if he would have worn a helmet when he rode a bike in Brooklyn almost fifty years ago.
His family still cries.
yogi, you got married last yr. right bef. pesach. you are still newly married. are you going to move again bec. of this?
@yogibooboo: You were correct to say something. How many times have parents said: “why didn’t you tell me?” after C”V something happened.
If this woman (supposedly) called you crazy she might have her own mental health issues and might not be capable of dealing with day-to-day life issues.
You did a big mitzvah. Don’t berate yourself.
When we were growing up (in the Bronx) everyone looked out for each other and all the parents appreciated it.
Perhaps there is a 3rd party this woman respects who can maybe speak with her??
BTW, doesn’t matter if the caretaker is Spanish, French or Israeli. No need to mention the ethnicity of the caretaker.
I agree with RB. This is something that the mother knows about and she’s playing ignorant. If she doesn’t care, then we will not fix her!
But no, you are not crazy and you didn’t do anything wrong. You took a 2% chance thatit might help.
Inattention to children and traumatic brain injury kill. My aunt a”h was 3 years old when she climbed on the back of an ice cream truck and fell off when it started to move. My 6-year-old aunt was supposed to be watching her because my grandmother was with her 1-year-old and newborn (my mother). How much worse is the potential for injury when a child is moving fast on a bicycle.
In other words, you’re not crazy.
I agree with The Goq.
SC – Thanks for the haskamah 🙂
yogi: to your answers. A. Halochos of accepting slander are applicable to the smartest and wisest.
B. If a person doesn’t mind slandering someone (when halocho doesn’t perrmit it) in orfer to feel “good”, do you think the minor fact that the story is embelished or false would deter her from feeling “good”? Especially when she’s making you feel bad and causing a fight.
C. Reffer to a
You might very well be crazy but that has no bearing on the matter. You felt it was your duty to inform the other mother about conditions you felt were unsafe. It was the other mother’s perogative to either thank you or ignore you. You have no further duty, nor do you have any basis to assume that your are a “better mother” that she. Frankly, when I was a kid no one ever thought to wear a helmet while bike riding and I don’t recall any issue of common head trauma.
To all: I strongly recommend reading “Free Range Kids” by Lenore Skenazy
P.S. While we are on the subject of things I don’t recall, I also don’t recall any kid ever going into vapor lock from eating a PBJ.
Yogi, I think you were right in telling that mother that her son is not wearing a helmet. I cannot either understand why parents let their children ride without one. I remember years ago when my mother was watching my younger brothers playing outside. 1 of them was riding a bike, she watched as all of a sudden he fell off his bike, flew in the air and came down head first on his HELMET! It cracked in half, but he was not hurt on his head at all! I cannot imagine what would have been if he was not wearing one.
yogi: You addressed a side point to my valid points. You may not believe it, therefore the basis for this thread may be faulty.
B”H you have a wonderful mother. We don’t have to degrade others to feel good about ourselves. I find that the way I avoid being jealous of others is threefold.
1. I try not to think about others, needlessly.
2. I try to genually be happy for other people and what they have (only when I’m forced to think about what they have)
3. Most important and hardest, try to see the tremendeous blessings in what have and we have to be thankful for.
yogi, you don’t know who I am so……….was it her upstairs neighbor that is the person that would never lie? I think you mean to say the world would be a better place if everyone agreed with you! Also, I find it funny that you are praising a local school for their rules with their bike a thon but had no probs in “loud and obnoxious neighbors” to slander that same school! I give you 6 months to a yr. tops and the kids and neighbors will make you sooooo crazy that you will move!
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