I’m getting more mad at ultra-orthodox people

To the opening poster: Your story is a sad one. Consider reaching out to your nearest Chabad House. If they cannot help you, they will probably put you in touch with someone who can.

Do you really think a 16 year old belongs on their own? That sounds like a very unhealthy family dynamic that may have driven him out. Even in the secular world, 16 year olds are only on their own if they’re abuses, thrown out, neglected, or runaways. Comparing yourself with him is not a good idea.

There are exceptions to every rule. We all know people who smoke and live till 90 without developing cancer, but that doesn’t mean that you should do so. In general, unless you want to go into business, college is a good form of hishtadlus (in a kosher setting, which nowadays is very accessible) to have a self sustaining job.

. Having internet at home may have helped you learn, or you may have fallen into the countless pitfalls that an MO kid does, or gotten addicted to video games. An MO kid who was failed by the system can just as easily wish and hope he was raised charedi, thinking of how much better his life would have been if he would have been exposed to authentic frumkeit at an early age – I am one such person, but I don’t allow myself to think that way, because Hashem puts us in whatever situation we were supposed to be in, and ultimately it is in that setting that we accomplish our shlaimus and mission.

Your post reminds me of a dear talmid of mine. His mother wasn’t frum and decided that being in a Yeshiva was the one thing holding her son back from getting better in his middos and disrespectful behavior, because her friends’ kids were in public school and were supposedly all very respectful towards their parents.

What she was missing was that her son came from a broken home, had severe physical issues, was in yeshiva learning how to be ehrlich and had to come home to her mother’s “partner” living with them, among other problems both internal and external that were affecting her son’s behavior. I worked with her for months to convince them to keep their son in a Yeshiva, and b”h they did.

We need to address our problems באשר הוא שם, the way we are at present – we need to move forward in serving Hashem and not get bogged down by vengeance and ill will towards what we view as the causes of our problems.

I apologize for being a little harsh, but know that I’m speaking out of genuine hope for your success and happiness.

Ephraim, can you think of ways you can develop your independence without necessarily going against your parents? For example, take care of the house when others are out. Help your siblings in their studies. Get a college textbook from the library and study from it. You would know a good example better than we can suggest. If you find some successful activity like that, you will gradually learn how to do those and your parents will move forward also.

Ephriam,

From what I’ve seen on your website and Github you are a very talented programmer. I highly reccomend that you build on that and work on your professional profile and constantly share your work. Through that opportunities will come in terms of work, it will start small but before you know it you will have alot of work.

There are alot of talented people who have your challenges and you should not view it as a limitation.

You will get through this challenge!

yaakov – shades of observance are generally not in a number of mitzvos observed, but in degree of adherence or weights of different observance area. If someone denies one mitzva he is already an apikoires.

Are you sure Darchei doesn’t allow internet? Didn’t I see that they held their dinner online?