- This topic has 41 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Another 9 days to go without music!!! And I’m going craaaaaazzzyyy!!! I feel so bad for those poor souls who keep the whole thing! At least after lag baomer I can listen!! (Yes, I know that’s the whole point…but still!)
You are aloud to listen to soft music over a headset if you need to de-stress. There are kulas that can be relied on when necessary. I suggest you discuss this with your Rav.
if you are seriously finding this that difficult just try carrying a child for 9 months…
Not listening to music and being pregnant?? Shaychis for 3 airball
you must be male . . .
Everything is based on your perspective. Being pregnant for nine months is absolutely wonderful! Think of all the people who WISH they could be pregnant and are having difficulty….. They would trade places with you any day!
As far as sefira is concerned…. there is a reason for this. Though I will admit, working without music is very difficult and boring!
a mamin – absolutely! I loved being pregnant as well and I never took a single day of it for granted. My comment was about the time period, not the idea of motherhood.
Here is my translation of my above statement: If something like not having music for a short 30 days is so difficult to cope with, than you may find yourself needing coping strategies to get thru a whole 9 months of living with or without more important/pressing/vital activities/comforts/things.
(If it needs to be dissected it just aint worth saying)
By the same token I could say that mourning for the loss of so many tzaddikkim, and knowing that if they had lived our world may have had hundreds of thousands of their decendents populating it so we mourn them as well, makes it very easy to live without music because who can think of being joyous with such a severe loss in our lives.
a mamin- they wish to be pregnant, or do they wish to be parents and pregnancy is a step on the way? For people who have lost one or more pregnancies, it’s nine long, stressful months.
Syag: On target!
Gamanit: That is the ways of creation….I wasn’t referring to pregnancy loss, of course. Only to actually being able to fit the role of motherhood.
Going crazy over abstaining from music? You need to ask yourself why that is the case, or whether it is even true whether a person cannot survive without music for an extended period. Could you explain what not coping means to you?
I see cij got here before I did. To the esteemed moms here, music is life for some people, if for the distraction, the actual music, or any other number of reasons. I’m not sure what one thing has to do with another, and sorry, I really don’t see how missing music is in any way a sign of someone not being able to cope with things in general, only a sign that something is important to them, and while thats not me, I can definitely understand it. Just saying…
cozimjewish – I wasn’t comparing not listening to music to pregnancy. As I clarified above, I was commenting on the potential implications of having a difficult time coping when things are not comfortable or in the preferred state. But I was trying to chose a more social-friendly way of stating it. Didn’t work I guess. And my comment about the mourning wasn’t directed at you, it was just a tongue in cheek response to the comment about keeping things in perspective.
So now that that’s cleared up (?) – I can’t tell if the concept is difficult or if it is just being dissected in the typical CR fashion, but…
Coping is a facinating skill. (I have the pleasure of working with kids who lack this skill and are working on developing it). Being without something; leaving our comfort zone; and being under pressure are all stressors that require us to use our coping skills (or methods). If two different unrelated things both set us off, it does not mean that the two things are related, it just means that they both require us to use our coping skills. Someone MAY be able to draw up the ability to manage in one situation even if they can’t in another situation, but sometimes they can’t. It’s not about what sends you “there”, it’s about what tools you have to get by once you get there. Depravation was the common factor i had in mind, and I believe perspective is 90% of my coping strategy.
Developing a “good reason” for something can really help get thru the stress of it, even if the “good reason” is just that you are doing what you believe is right without knowing why. We may not be able to mourn the bais hamikdash, but we know what mourning looks like and maybe feels like and we can try to internalize the need to mourn for Hashem’s house. The more we see a reason, the easier it is, sometimes, to cope. When I was in availus for my parents I missed several simchas. I had people trying to give me “jobs” and loopholes so I could attend. What they didn’t understand was that I couldn’t even think of attending a simcha. I was barely comfortable at my own son’s bar mitzvah. The closer we get to the source, the better understanding we develop of the things we are experiencing, the more strength we will have to make it through.
SYAG- very interesting. so in my own words youre saying that an understanding of a trouble can help a person struggle through it? and it sounds like you have living proof of this?
And im suffering here as well. I think it’s obvious that some have more of an appreciation and love for music than others. Same way i like scotch (scotchy scotch scotch) and dont like wine so much, while others cant even understand why anyone would wanna “just burn their throat” type.
CIJ, belive me, your not missing anything by not listening to acapella…
SiDi™
if you think deep into it & realize you know something its a very sad (rather now during sefira or in the 3 weeks) with very bad things happening during this time. then you will not have a hard time admitting & saying to yourself you know something? Hashem is right, I don’t belong at weddings & listening to music etc… at such a sad time. I should feel the lack of happiness (no need to be a mourner but you should feel the difference)
BOTTOM LINE: when a person realizes this then all the halachos to keep are so easy & its nothing to keep because its a part of you now that you’ve realized the truth & reasons behind these halachos.
idk sounds a bit fluffy to me.
do you consider yourself to be someone that lives with music? has music playing yomam vlayala?
if this is your situation you might want to approach your local rabbi & ask him if you can listen to music due to your situation.
a very depressed person is allowed to take depresson pills & might even be allowed to listen to music if this can change his situation.
for all this. speak to your local rabbi
coz….. I think I have a great shidduch for you!!
Speaking as someone who likes music, I’m really not sure your
level of occupation with music is healthy, Cozimjewish.
cozimjewish:
You cause me to open up, once more. I do commiserate with you in a way. When I was a bit younger, and into learning how to play, I couldn’t rip myself away from the instruments or any other music producing apparatus for a moment. I was totally possessed. I really was. When the Sefira and three weeks period came around, I was a goner. How I counted the minutes!!! (ok, so I cheated a bit, it wasn’t REALLY music, just a speaker vibrating… for learning it’s permitted… etc.) The relief when Lag Ba’omer finally did make its appearance, was tangible. And believe it or not, the absence of music pained me more than the fast of Tisha’a B’av.
My mother (“Mommy”), the tzadekes, had to endure from a whole house always vibrating deep bass, having to bear such ghoulish, meow sounds from another instrument… Her greeting (mantra) to me was always “Froggie.. lower please”. It did help. For 1.57 seconds! (her happiest day was the day I got married, and quiet once again reigned)
<<Mom – NO COMMENT>>
I still LOVE music (all sorts), I “toned down” much.
be joyful: “a very depressed person is allowed to take depresson pills”
you just said in another thread that medicine is 100% fake
me too:(
newbee
1)it takes many years to reach this True & high level. only once you’ve put a lot of work into your personal relationship wit hashem & brought yourself closer to Hashem will it become so fake to you.
some People hundreds of years ago (were on a much higher level) didn’t not go to the doctor cause they couldn’t afford it. Hashem was their doctor with %100 percent faith & trust so they didn’t need a middle man (a human doctor)for help. they simply turned straight to Hashem for ALL THEIR NEEDS. & that’s the best medicine for any issues 24-7
2)although it is fake a person still needs to do his hishtadlus & can’t just sit back & depend on miracles. Hashem will only save a person that does his hishtadlus & also puts his trust in Hashem) i.e. if a person treats his doctor or boss like avoda zara cause he saves him or pays him 5,000,000 a year then Hashem will have to remove him from them until he realizes that its all coming from Hashem
that doesn’t mean the laws of nature are fake, it means Hashem overrides them in a miraculous way for some people.
one after urs
Coz
Kids today have a hard time coping with a lot of things that we adults call minor inconveniences.
Its mostly because in America we never learned as kids that life is a struggle.
In the old days kids saw hardship at an early age and learned this instinctively. But in America we are spoiled.
The problem is that kids grow up and become spouses and parents and get jobs, all these things involve lots of struggles.
But because young adults aren’t prepared for struggle, we have a high divorce rate and the top medications prescribed in America are meds to help people cope.
So
Think of this minor inconvenience as good training for life’s struggles!
Sorry for the mussar shmooze, but your post asked for it 🙂
definitely. doesnt it make sense that if you are working toward something it is easier to withstand the pain? If you follow a strict diet and lose some weight you will say it was worth it. What would you say if you followed a very strict diet and then gained a pound? You wouldn’t just be upset about the pound, you would say that all the suffering was for nothing! When we understand what we are striving for and why we are sacrificing our time, happiness, selves etc it makes it so much easier to focus on the goal and suck up the pain.
And yes, I see it all the time.
All I could think of when I saw the first post in this thread is, if after considering the reason for Sefira and why we don’t listen to music, take haircuts, etc., how you can say it’s too difficult for you to abstain from hearing music, is beyond me. Do you really think the sacrifice is too great? Really?
thank you. lemme give it a test run.
2 more days
Now you can’t count with a Bracha…
I have it really hard.. I’m supposed to “warm up” now to get back into shape.. for several engagements, yet I’m not supposed to enjoy any of it.
CIJ- wasnt aimed at u sry
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.