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goody
those are all quotes by Ambrose Bierce.
I don’t know much about him, but apparently he had an extremely sharp (and cynical) mind.
Seems to me he was a quicker version of mark twain.
oh. sorry 🙂
Actually I didn’t get it either at first. Then i googled.
goody613-
Moderator-80-
Sorry about the confusion; yes, those quotes/definitions were from Bierce.
No offense intended to dentists, either.
“i would call you, but i dont know if i could afford it”
ICOT, thanks for those–I should take out my copy of the Devil’s Dictionary to review, since I’ve not read it in a while.
anon for this-
I actually got those off of a calendar that mentioned his birthday ?
He was a master wordsmith, and his acerbic definitions are hilarious (and often include an element of truth).
In the end it will be ok, if it’s not ok it’s not the end.
Growing old is mandetory, growing up is optional
The only way you’ll find success before work is in the dictionary. (Poster)
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who don’t mind matter, and those who matter don’t mind. (Dr. Suess)
The only way you’ll find success before work is in the dictionary.
its a little sharper if you say “the only PLACE”
also its seuss
Gun control means holding your gun with two hands. – anonymous
There are two things that are infinite – the Universe, and human stupidity… but I’m not so sure about the Universe.
-Albert Einstein
I’m not sure if there’s an afterlife, but, I am bringing a change of underwear. – Woody Allen (I know, I know, I don’t like him either, but he does have some good lines.)
When you get to the fork in the road, – take it. -Yogi Bera
dont tell HASHEM how big your problems are, tell your problems how big HASHEM is!
:from the magnet on my fridge
due to the economic crisis the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off!
Sorry, I have a gadget on my igoogle page with sucess posters and it was on there but it didn’t say where it was from.
This is my favorite – Remember you’re unique just like everyone else.
In Order To Succeed You MUST Fail. So That You Know What NOT To Do Next Time!!!
Try & Fail, Try & Fail, Try & Fail,
But Dont Try & Fail, Try & Fail, & Fail To Try!!!
If You Dont Like Something Change it; If You Cant Change It, Change The Way You Think About IT!
A Successful Person Is One Who Can Lay A Firm Foundation With The Bricks That Others Throw At him!
These are more funny.
(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it,”
–A congressional candidate in Texas .
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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President
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“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .”
— Dan Quayle
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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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“Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery
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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
— Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
Pardon if this is a repeat:
Worrying is like a rocking chair; pacing back and forth but not getting anywhere…
be the change you wish to see in the world
what matters most is how well you walk through the fire –charles bukowski
for most of history, anonymous was a woman –virginia woolf
a girl’s reach should exceed her grasp or what’s a heaven for?
if somebody tells you nothing is impossible-ask him to dribble a football
there has to be a god, who else pops up the next tissue?
when the going gets tough the tough gets going does anyone know who said this its realy touching and breaks my heart or was it just me making it up whoever gets this gets 100 points in my book
If you’re fone doesnt ring, its me.
How come there’s only one monopolies commission?
Always proof read carefully to see if you’ve any words out.
Crime doesnt pay, so does that mean my job is a crime?
A signature always reveals a man’s character and sometimes also his name.
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need for people they dont necessarily like
Talent is G-d-given, be humble.
Fame is man-given, be thankful.
Conceit is self-given, be careful
42% of Americans state they cannot live without their cell phones ; the other 58% wish they would learn how!
Shticky guy those r really good!
Mod, on these long threads is there any way to display the latest comments first instead of last?
When you do not have emuna there are no answers, when you have emuna, there are no questions (Chofetz Chaim)
EVERY DAY, THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT PLANTS ARE KILLED BY VEGETARIANS.
HELP END THE VIOLENCE.
A egoist is a person who is always me-deep in conversation.
The poorest man is a person with nothing but money.
Children have more need for models than criticism.
Life offers every man a staff and a scale of notes. The song he sings is one of his own making. If his song is sweet, the world will stop to listen and hear it. If it will be brave, they will follow it. If it be a dirge, they will run away.
Ask yourself, “What is the music in MY life?”
the human body was designed so that we can neither pat our selves on the back nor kick ourselves too easily
Don’t know where this came from but it’s on my wall – If G-d took you to it, G-d will take you through it.
“Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care”
“Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes its the voice at the end of the day saying, ill try again tomorrow”
“Smart people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, stupid people talk about people”
“A lamdan isn’t someone who knows how to learn, a lamdan is someone who learns”
“Its good to learn from your mistakes,and its great to learn from others’ mistakes”
“You don’t choose what happens to you, but you choose how you react to it”
“A man will be about as happy as he makes up his mind to be”
(Lincoln)
“Change is life giving, it helps us become someone greater that we already are”
“You’re vastly more capable than you think you are”
“A good excersize for the heart is to bend down and lift someone up”
“If you think you can do it, you can, and if you think you can’t you’re right”
When Hashem solves your problems, you have faith in His abilities. When He doesn’t solve your problems, He has faith in YOUR abilities!!
When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know..
But if you listen, you may learn something new
Imagine how differently we would run our lives if we knew that we will only wake up tomorrow with the things that we had thanked Hashem for today…
“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. -Deal with it!”
–George Carlin
“Labeling is good for jars, but pretty useless for a human being.”
DaasYochid:
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“Reading only the last three letters of a label is good for jars, but pretty useless for a human being.”
With your eyes open you can see 1 mile maybe a little more, with your closed you can see from one end of the world to the other
Thoap.
If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything
-Rabbi Paysach Krohn
If at first you don’t succeed, kill yourself. JK JK PLEASE DO NOT KILL YOURSELF
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.” – Alexander Hamilton
You’ve got 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to smile? 🙂
“Life is actually very simple. It’s the people who are complicated”
A man isn’t complete until he’s married and then he’s finished
Some people aren’t happy until they’re totally miserable
I have 2 good friends I can always rely on, Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels.
I’m preparing my impromptu remarks
Winston Churchill
Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die
If you think you’re the smartest person in the room you’re in the wrong room.
Few women admit their age but very few men act theirs
Develop your eccentricities when you’re young. That way when you get old people won’t think your going gaga.—David Phil by
Good Yiddish qoutes
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