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My friend has an internet addicition and is involved and doing things that you can leave up to yuour imagination.
How can I help her? Im worried and i know that its destroying her marriage..
Fiu
Firstly, she will need to want to be helped. You can’t help someone who doesn’t care or doesn’t think they have a problem or doesn’t feel the need to change.
If your friend is ready to take action, here’s a great place to start.
Is she aware that she is addicted?
How does this addiction manifest itself with her? What is she doing as a result of the addiction? Bad sites? Contacting other men?
Its a real thing that needs to be worked on. Yeah, I’ll say the same thing as many people say-she should go for therapy. Based on what I know, addictions have an underlying issue. It can be used as a means of coping or getting distracted or simply making them feel better TEMPORARILY. That’s why drugs are so addicting as well as many other things. Realize that she is NOT a bad person (I’m not saying that you think she is) and has a hard time battling herself with the internet. Honestly, I really have pity on people with addictions.
where’s the husband. are you the husband?
is it because she has so much time on her hands?
It also depends on what type of internet sites she is visiting. If they are sites that are “normal” for Gentiles such as Redbook Magazine, it is one thing. If she is visiting pornographic sites, that is a totally different thing. Do you know how she is spending her computer time? Can you get her away from the computer occasionally by suggesting going out for lunch and a shopping trip or would she turn that down in favor of staying at home with her machine? If her addiction is driving a wedge between her friendships and her family, then she probably needs a bona fide intervention.
i had a period of time when it was very hard for me to stop using the internet and some of those times really ruined the purity of my neshama :(…
i finally stopped [well still working on cr ;)] when i didn’t go on for a longgg period of time and then when i came back on i realized how bad it was and was able to stop.
* maybe if the internet connection doesn’t work? 😀 😉
Would it be possible for you and some of your friends to spend more time with her, and help her use her time productively (even grocery shopping)?
Like any addiction you cant help that person until;
a) That person relizes they have a problem.
b) That person wants to do something about it.
Those two things usaly happen when that person hits the bottom, until then there is not much you can do besides driving yourself crazy. Make sure your freind knows that when she is ready to help herself you will be there to support her.
deiyezooger
Sometimes a person can be inspired to change when they get clarity by speaking to those who have hit bottom or seeing a video about that…
People often don’t see the consequences of their actions, but there are ways that it can be shown to people.
she needs to busy herself with other things. perhaps u can invite her to join u to go shopping or lunch or the supermarket? if u can do this a couple times a week she will have less time to spend surfing the net.
Just wondering: on what grounds do you classify her behavior as “addiction”?
Zahavasdad
Ki Heim Chayeinu Veorech Yameinu.
Most people I know are addicted to breathing. Well Torah is the same way. The Gedolim recognize the value of Torah and therefore don’t waste a second. An addiction is a negative thing, if someone learns to the point that they neglect their health and hygiene I would say that they have developed an addiction or compulsion…but if a person lives a healthy life and loves to learn and doesn’t waste his time, that’s a healthy yid not an addict.
So if a person is healthy but brings a Sefer to learn under the Chuppah (During the “break”) or a person is healthy but Learns a bit during Chazareth HasHatz (Between the Baruch Hoo and the Amens) its a good idea and shows he loves of learning.
How about bring a Sefer in the car and opening it up at a Red Light (Ive seen this done too) when stopped
Zahavasdad
“So if a person is healthy but brings a Sefer to learn under the Chuppah (During the “break”)
Im not sure what you mean. Who brings a Sefer to learn under the chuppah unless he is an eid or something and they know that the mesader kiddushin is running late and isn’t there yet…
or a person is healthy but Learns a bit during Chazareth HasHatz (Between the Baruch Hoo and the Amens) its a good idea and shows he loves of learning.
Many people dont know that this is assur.
How about bring a Sefer in the car and opening it up at a Red Light (Ive seen this done too) when stopped”
This person is a shoiteh and endangering himself and others. I have never seen this but if I did I would not be impressed, I would probably tell the person something if possible.
I don’t think you need me to tell you that there are times when bringing a Sefer is appropriate and times when it isn’t. If you want to point out that there are extremists out there and people who don’t know how to judge what is and isn’t appropriate then I wont argue there are people like that. But most people who take a Sefer wherever they go and use it when appropriate are chashuveh masmidim and I have a lot of respect for such people.
addiction would be if someone loses their job because they stayed home to be on the internet (this has happened). A recovering drug addict started playing video games to that extent.
so anything like that is an addiction where you put off doing more important things you have to do, in order to go on whatever site it is.
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