Is it acceptable to go for a walk on the 1st date?

It’s completely unacceptable.

Dates must occur in the privacy of the parent’s home.

“Dates must occur in the privacy of the parent’s home”

Why?

Shalom Bayis is what works for both of you. Personally, it doesn’t work. Shoes might be uncomfortable for walking, she might prefer to just sit and relax after a days work. I might ask at end if the date if she woukd like to take a short walk, and make it clear that its an offer.

If you are asking if it would be looked at as out of the ordinary and you want to stay “in the box” at least for a first date, many pple start off in a lounge or the like, and after a bit offer your date the option of taking a walk around. So plan your date in a place this might make sense, it’s totally normal and acceptable.

An unmentioned advantage of the walk is that it lets you check the physical fitness of the person. Include some brisk walking, maybe a bit of jogging, some steep stairs, a few abrupt direction changes, some slippery terrain.

The key benefit of the “walk” versus the “sit and stare” is that it takes the couple away from prying eyes and allows for a more natural and spontaneous interaction. Its less stressful to walk for a few minutes quietly without have to fill the space with chatter and just enjoy the view, the people passing by etc…its silence across a table can be deafening . Most importantly, it puts the couple more at ease and allows them to engage with one another without as much pressure.

Is it acceptable to whom?
Its like asking about a certain hechsher.
Each to thier own.

I believe that for the first date I had with the young lady whom eventually became my wife, we went out to dinner and then sat outdoors – for several hours – at South Street Seaport. I see nothing wrong with going for a walk on the first date.

Aw phil, you ruined it.

I wanted to hear from Joseph directly.

“Slominer, hotel lobbies are not like conference rooms and ballrooms, which are rented out to large groups. They are generally intended for hotel guests to use as a common area.”

That may be true in some cities. IT isnt true in NYC where hotels generally have bars where they offer overpriced drinks to any and all who wants to pay.

There are so many aspects of the “dating” game that are not subject to yes/no guidelines but are more likely to be a function of the hashkafhah of the young man and young woman involved as well as their families. In more heimish settings, the parents obviously take a more central role in both the shadchanus and logistical arrangements for dating etc. and much is done under their supervision. Among MO, there is very limited parental involvement and the principals set their own meeting arrangements, although still with deference to norms regarding tzinius, negiah etc. MO are much less likely to ask a Rav about when/how/who to date and the protocols related thereto. There is no right/wrong. If you regularly consult your LRP for such matters, this would not be any different. Obviously, a walk in central park is a lot different than a walk in a country road out in the boondocks…

yes from your car to the hotel lobby

much better than a restaurant which is costly and awkward. walking you can speak more easily and get a sense of how the person handles him/herself, also you see things that spark conversation

e120 writes “I’m female and in shidduchim. I’ve been on a walk as a first date and was fine with it, but here are some tips:
1. Don’t go if it’s very cold.
2. If you want to go on a walk, tell her that’s the plan before the date so she knows to wear flats instead of heels.
3. Check in the day of the date to make sure she’s still ok with it—like “funnybone” says, she may have had a long day and be too tired.
4. Always offer to stop and buy a drink. You can go into a Duane Reade and buy a soda/water/seltzer. It only takes a few minutes and shows you’re aware of the fact that she’s probably thirsty after walking for a while.”

This is what’s wrong with shiduchim. All this babying of the woman. How is the guy supposed to function when he’s all caught up with making sure you are perfectly comfortable and you judge the date on how perfectly comfortable he made you?

What about riding bicycles? That way they will have to be shomer negia. In deference to those who think that saying that she is riding a bicycle is like saying that she is riding a donkey we can call it sitting on moving bicycle.

Of course, it is also possible that “riding” does not have the same connotation that “רוכבת” had for Rabbenu Chananel.

“No, it is not what’s wrong with shidduchim, it is what is wrong with marriage.
if the guy finds it too much to think about and be sensitive to the girl’s needs, and only thinks about what’s good for him, then maybe he is not ready for marriage.”

And what about a situation where the girl only thinks about what is good for her. That’s what we see in the comment in question. Derech eretz doesn’t mean turning the girl into a spoiled princess.

“What about riding bicycles?”

not tznius.

“Winnie, how can the guy judge whether the girl is sensitive to his needs?

They don’t care about that. The assumption is that all girls are angels and totally giving. Of course we see from many marriages that such is not the case at all. And can we blame the selfish ones. They were never taught to be giving.

“You know what’s wrong with shidduchim (and marriages)? The fact that some guys think buying a girl a soda from Duane Reade and asking her if she would prefer to do something else instead of walking is considered “babying”.”

you are looking for an argument, listen to what i am saying, the girls comment showed interest only in these matters, i’m not saying he shouldn’t be a mentch and you know it, but the whole date shouldn’t be about did he do this or that

I think Meno is an axe murderer.

MTAB,

Let me see if I understand. The guy asks the girl out or calls the shadchan who gives him a number. He makes the call, then must ask her out, then must travel to her, then must think of something wonderful to do and it can’t be in her neighborhood because someone might see her, then he must pay for the wonderful activity and the whole time make sure she is perfectly comfy in all ways. And if he stumbles in any these steps, then she must run because obviously he is an axe murderer. Her job is to judge him.

That’s a whole lot of whining. Look, do you want to eat? If yes, then you must find a source of income, travel to the store, pick out what wonderful foods you can find and afford, buy it, shlep it home, put it away, prepare a meal, go to the table, and eat it. And cleaning up after yourself is a bonus. The way of the world is that you have to put in effort. Does a young man want a wife? Then he must put in the effort. Be a man.

Do I have it right? Wonderful system.

What would you suggest? Going to bars like non-Jews? Have the young women call the men and set up the dates? I doubt men would fare better in that situation.

do you have sons? You want them to go through this nonsense?

Please Hashem.

MTAB, calm down. The OP was asking if it is appropriate to go for a walk. E120 gave her (i.e. a girl’s) perspective of how she thought this could be appropriate. Nothing in her comments suggested she was asking to be babied or treated like a spoiled princess.
The purpose of the date is not to check out how pretty the girl is in person, or to have a good time at some exciting place, but to find out about the person’s middos and personality for yourself, to see if you are compatible. So yes, everything that is done or said contributes to that impression. On both sides. There are ways for the guy to see how considerate the girl is also- from what she says, what she does, how she says it. For example, while they are walking, she see that he is getting tired since he had a long, hard day, and asks if he wants to sit for a bit.
yes the dating process as you describe it is unbalanced and the boy has the harder job. But that’s ok- because for the rest of the guy’s life, his wife will be cooking for him, cleaning up after him, picking up his socks from the floor, and maybe she is even working to support him in learning, etc etc. But she is willing to do all that because she knows that he cares about her and is sensitive to her needs.
Alternatively, you can join Joseph’s community and have a couple of sit-ins and leave everything else up to your parents.