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My son is currently in 11th grade. He attends one of the modern orthodox Jewish Highschools. Since the summer he has been hanging out with not such a great Chevra. My wife and I have been trying to watch over him, and stop him from hanging out with these kids, but nothing has worked. However things got really out of hand when my wife found a joint of weed in his room two nights ago. We have grounded him since then. This is only temporary until we get further assistance. If you have any ideas please help. I don’t want to loose my son.
1) try to get him to see a frum therapist that specializes working with teens and with this particular issue.
2) shower him with love. make him feel very comfortable to talk and discuss things with you.The only way you will lose your son is if you are uncompromising and insist he behave according to your rules. Attempt to educate him but in the end, you must allow him to make his choices.
I suggest Arachim. I think they deal with this stuff all the time. I could be wrong though.
Ultimately, his choices are the main factor, and that is outside your control.
I would suggest you help him find a part time job making money makes you feel very responsible and grown up. I would also recommend you telling him about any “maalos “ he has over other boys and why he belongs with the “better “ crowd.
Move out of the 5 towns they don’t need any trolls they have a צניעות problem as is now you’re going to bring drugs too?
It’s very normal for kids this age to push back a bit against their boundaries and to try dipping their toes tentatively a bit into “the forbidden”. Without judgement, without rancor, without carrying on like the world just flew off of it’s axis and came to an end, sit down and talk to your son with only your unconditional love.
Maybe take him out for lunch to a neutral place where the eyes and ears of the entire house and community aren’t looking and listening in on his personal business. And then, listen to him. What is your son’s motivation for wanting to fool around with pot? Peer pressure? Curiosity? A need to be on equal ground with his friends? A need for escape? He likes it? Once you find the motivation then you’ll have a better idea of how to go forward. Just always, from a place of unconditional love and acceptance. Flipping out and hard words only serve to shut the conversation down and you want always that your children should seek you out rather than hide and be secretive from you.
From my own experience with four sons… I don’t think your son is hardcore. Hardcore would never leave a rolled joint laying around in his room begging to be found. It reeks for one thing, it goes stale like a pack of cigarettes opened and left laying around for a week for another, and… hardcore would have already smoked the thing. Talk. Go talk to your son like the almost man with a few things yet to learn that he is. Use the discovery of this joint to bring your relationship closer together rather than as an alarming wedge driving you apart. I will pray for you. For peace in your house and for a son to make good decisions. Best wishes.
Where does it say he lives in five towns? BTW, there is a drug problem in Flatbush too ( teens who daven with father in non-MO shuls and then hang out on Ocean Parkway after supper ). My nephew ( a caterer) , and others, had been asked to hire these kids for Friday night simchas to keep them off the street. He had to drop out of the program because the drug use made the kids too unreliable.
Anonymous Jew
You’re right he works in the 5 towns 🙄
C’mon people ___________
You can’t see that this leidigeir is just prancing about, trolling ?
The other day it’s 5 Towns and ‘tznioot”.. Today it’s “modern orthodox” weeds.
Can’t you see what’s he’s intimating?“……If you have any ideas please help…..”
OK… Take the 5,000 mg. one, 3x daily and with food. Preferably, with your homemade lox bagel & onions you chow down lunchtime at the office on Central Ave. Lololol.
Here’s what my mom taught me:
When you see somebody overly obsess about a religious issue, then that individual has serious mental/emotional issues with that issue itself.. Hameivin Yovin.If you are so yeshivish that you say CHEVRA, why do you send your son to MO HS?
“……If you are so yeshivish that you say CHEVRA, why do you send your son to MO HS?…..”
There you go, FB. He’s been doing this for so long, he’s bound to trip up and make a mistake.
Enough of this for me.. Oh, for some reason I’m humming this old Yiddish theater song …..
Oy, oy, oy , Yuh-ssel, yussel, yussel yussel …..♬♬♬There are groups that misbehave in every mesivta HS, regardless of whether it is yeshivish or MO. Switching schools may be an option, but this really isn’t the kind of topic that should be discussed in a public forum, or based on the little known or understood about this particular young man.
Speak with his principle, speak with your rav, speak with experienced educators and daven. Keep the lines of communication open and show him unconditional love. With siyata dishmaya, this will become a growth period.
Why is he in a MO yeshiva? It sounds like weed is a result of a bigger problem. There’s little that can be done unless you don’t let him leave the house.
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