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Here is an e-mail for the CR that ayc has sent me. Enjoy!
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It’s wonderful to hear from you, Baal Habooze
One of my most favorite inebriated Jews!
So decent and sunny, bright and funny
Your sense of humor is often right on the money!
There’s no doubt the Cr can be a wonderful outlet
Learning, playing, sharing, there’s even space for a poet!
With many posters there who are second to none
Who are learned, respectful, humorous, and a lot of fun!
Thank you for sending the links to the site
I appreciate the sentiment that something’s not right
It was encouraging to read what some posters had written me
And such a nice feeling that they’ve not forgotten me.
From the start, I gave the CR my all
It was a nice chevra, I was having a ball
I was publicly mistreated and humiliated ever since I began
It was clear that the administration was not an AYC fan
It even assigned to me “Od avinu chai”
Implying that I was J, without explaining why
So I ignored it for MONTHS, posting on in my merry way
Until it blew up again, much to my dismay
mods! when someone calls you a 'dolt' they're calling you an idiot!!
The admin was challenged, why does it think I am J
It seemed that most readers didn’t see me that way
The admin claimed I constantly pried for information
But that’s not my MO, and there could be no substantiation
They claimed that J pilfered poems for the poetry thread
Yet my poems related to that of a poster’s directly ahead
So the poems could not possibly be plagiarized
And that’s something that the admin could have realized
That in itself is ok, so the admin’s not my “friend”
But the fierce accusations I’ll never comprehend
There was no substantiation for the blame I’d endured
My last email to the admin has been virtually ignored
I’m grateful for the platform that the admin has given
So that readers may share ideas that are daas-Torah driven
But it failed to get guidance from a rav in this case
The means to an end should be above board and in place
The first time I was publicly accused, shame on you
It happened again, there was only one thing left to do
There’s no mitzvah for me to take such abuse
Being threatened with jail ’cause of my family name’s use
The family’s been through so much already
I’d documented the losses in threads previously
Yet the family members contacted about my harassment
Were SOOOOOO upset at my abysmal mistreatment
So much so that they wouldn’t speak of it to the bereaved parents
The irony of MORE tzaar from our BRETHREN was quite apparent
Yet the admin didn’t verify as it claimed it would do
It just wanted my name while keeping its anonymity, too
It’s ok to make mistakes, I’m okay with these
But where are requests for mechila and apologies
The two major posters who caused so much grief
Did NOT ask mechila, to my great disbelief
A poster just “teitched” my post and had an ax to grind
To make it sound like something other than what I had in mind
Penned it over and over, as if it were the truth
Got many followers, a social experiment that’s really uncouth
I’d responded to a post that Leiby’s death hit him hard
As if ONLY he’d been affected and self-appointed to keep guard
I clearly beseeched caution but not paranoia
We were ALL affected, and my accusers need kapara
And, yes, I am a Kletzky, but I’d meant it tongue-in-cheek
And many posters understand the manner in which I speak
As Syag points out that I meant it figuratively
That I wasn’t just a bystander of a horrible tragedy.
No words of nechama were offered to me.
And then a mod says something that I TOTALLY didn’t say
Since he’s part of the admin, some minds he did sway
For I ALWAYS preach CAUTION but NOT PARANOIA
And if you look at the outcome, hey, what did I tell ya
As for Leiby’s loss, they offered no words of nechama
AYC has basically been saying that there is nothing to worry about and that nobody will hurt you based on what you say in the CR.
And I still believe that one should be cautious but not paranoid.
And what were the lessons from this event learned?
Why, accusing a “trolling mechalel Shabbos” that was also unearned!
At least there that accuser asked to be kicked
At least he could admit THERE that he had been licked
It’s important in onaas dvarim to ask for forgiveness
And for suspecting my supporters- I’m told I needed to list the grievances
I enjoyed writing and learning and playing on the sight
I just need to know that posters will be treated right
I was shaking and hurting and couldn’t eat
Being harassed, accused, threatened, some things I can’t repeat
There’s been no apology yet to the family that was informed
So the faith in the system has not yet been restored.
I was falsely accused of copying “eved Hashem” in the profile
But I’d never heard of J in the meanwhile!
Calling me a hideous ogre, manipulator, among other things
I get much reward for constant public shaming, but it sure stings!
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/profile/jothar
I appreciate the support that many posters have given
Despite their depiction as J cronies, they’d been so driven
And wouldn’t rest until they imparted their wisdom
Mi k’amcha Yisrael, the Yidden in Hashem’s Kingdom!
The admin revealed ayc blocking, but didn’t let its readership know
That ayc was unblocked after c 3 hours, letting fear needlessly grow
Couldn’t bring myself to post on the site at all
Reliving the nightmare just made my skin crawl
Posters were afraid and the atmosphere was tense
No information was forthcoming, the implication immense
“Alternatively, please call the Kletzkys and touch base”
SO the admin might apologize to the readership at large
That’s the sign of a great man, taking the helms of a barge (!)
And asking mechila from one and all
And then can continue looking tall!
Thank you to all who cared enough
To write such supportive, caring stuff
I’m GRATEFUL to the admin for giving the opportunity
Of impacting others’ lives positively in anonymity
I wish each of you continued syata d’shmaya
Can’t wait to speak to you and hear from all of ya!
At least I am backing up my claims with proof
So that in future there can be no reproof
Perhaps the admin can do the same
And people will be spared from being called by J’s name
I do not wish to change the name ayc
The name is important to me intrinsically
It tells me that even though the am is diverse
We are all ONE nation, for better or for worse!
You could probably see that I still am hurt
It’s not ok to treat people like dirt
I guess I myself need some more chizuk from all the rest
Coming after my previous losses, my system’s distressed…
I am the victim of onaas dvarim,
Of kafuy tov and choshed b’ksherim
Of maligning and public shaming
I.e., Malbin pnei chaveiro b’rabim
And of other things, too, the list is long
But in the meantime, chazak v’ematz, I need to be strong
I hope , BH, you can put your beer mug down long enough
And see that this experience has been pretty rough
It seems that others also took a hiatus
In response to the recent fracas
I miss many posters, please send my regards their way
That is, if you can please put down that chardonnay
I’m open to kind words to get over this sad saga
Now, BH, would you PLEASE just put down that malaga!
you have way too much time on your hands.
Toi,
this wasn’t BaalHaBooze’s writing it was AYC’s read the title
and I guess you haven’t learned in school yet “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”
please Baal HaBooze please forward this post to AYC
you know with this I’ve realized that he hasn’t been around either
(Is this analogous to “meisim kol adam hamavakshim es nafshecha” please don’t correct my transliteration, you know what I mean)
I was not aware of the entire picture, reading this post saddens me deeply…….
however he hasn’t apologized like he has by the “Motzei Shabbos Troll”
Thank you so much for this communication. I have TONS to write about this saga. I wish I had his/her email address. Please send him/her my most warm, gracious regards.
coffee addict – please stop dragging more fighting in here. It is hardly for you to decide who should live and who should die. There were some nasty posts made by OTHER posters that were beyond anything Jothar posted. If you want to write to AYC then do it yourself, please! She posted her email twice. But if anyone WHETHER THEY ARE CORRECT OR NOT and whether they mean well or not, decides they are going to invite another bar room brawl in here I am going to throw up. Please coffee, just email her and talk to her directly.
a mamin – I am with you. Not only were we not aware of the entire picture then, I still don’t get most of it. But since most of the fighting is done by bunches of people who also don’t know, that is the reason I am begging for a halt.
It is hardly for you to decide who should live and who should die.
I see my reply wasn’t understood correctly, CH”V did I say that someone should die (I don’t know where you got that from!) I’m just saying that I haven’t noticed Jothar around recently (Kick me was his last post)
If you want to write to AYC then do it yourself, please! She posted her email twice.
Huh? Where?
Sorry if I misunderstood (I wish I could figure out how to underline but my 4 year old isn’t available right now). I would explain what I thought or ask what you thought but I REALLY am walking on eggshells. I HATE controversy that involves people getting hurt so if its okay I will just leave it.
Regarding her email address – you will have to look more closely at the post links, or find some undercover mod to give you mine.
To quote BTGuy – “Peace”
Classic!
Nice to hear from AYC!
All the best!!
Regarding her email address – you will have to look more closely at the post links, or find some undercover mod to give you mine.
to many to be ma’ayan and I wish I knew an undercover mod (maybe I do but they don’t tell me because they’re undercover)
Could someone share it with me, please? (quietly)
coffee, so email me and I’ll tell you.
HaLeiVi@YeshivaWorld@CoffeeRoom@HotWater_
Perculator.TakingCoffee/WithSugar/AndSomeMilk
(quietly, whisper)
<No one is looking> What is it?
BaalHabooze- please tell AYC the limerick thread needs him!!! He had great ones!
a shame he was put down like that. he was such an integral part of the cr when he was around. please ayc do what you feel in your heart is best, you are very missed here
Thank you for sharing that with us, BaalHabooze. AYC wrote it so beautifully, and with such obvious emotion.
AYC!!!! Its so nice to hear from you again!!
My heart goes out for you.
The CR is realy missing you!!!
Hey deiy (hmm that rhymes, never noticed that) welcome back!
AYC, you have been the victim of terrible injustice, and we all feel for you. However, I noticed that you posted many links to threads that prove the injustice, but you did not mention the apology thread:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/od-ayc-chai
The mods apologised to you publicly, it deserves to be mentioned.
I understand that you’re not ready to forgive yet, but ultimately forgiveness is the best healer. Don’t do it for *them*, do it for yourself.
Take your time, and when you’re ready, the whole coffee room will receive you with open arms.
aries2756
Smartness runs in my family.
There is a huge difference between forgiving and forgetting. It is easier to forgive than forget, but it is almost impossible to forget if you don’t forgive. In addition just because one forgives someone that does NOT necessarily mean that you pick up the relationship where you left off.
Why is it important to forgive? Not forgiving keeps us chained to that person forever. It takes a lot of energy to hold that grudge and be angry at someone. Choosing never to forgive someone means that you are forcing yourself to remember that person and choosing to be angry at them consistently reminding yourself of what that person did to you. “I will never forgive “x” for ……. and so on. This is a daily process almost from waking to going to sleep. Every morning you wake up and remind yourself how angry you are at so and so because of what they did, and if someone so much as mentions that person’s name or you see someone who lives on their block, or goes to the same school, or reminds you of them in some way, shape, or form, you will remind yourself again of why you will never forgive them for…….. On the other hand, that person probably doesn’t care, doesn’t remember, or doesn’t even know that you are angry. One of the three, and does not expend any energy in this disagreement at all. While you are busy thinking about them every day, they don’t give you a second thought while they go about their business. Which in turn makes you even more upset.
So look at both sides of the coin here. By not forgiving the “victim” relives the pain over and over and over again, while the “initiator” is not affected by the entire controversy at all and does not suffer one iota from the entire incident. Who is worse off and who is better off? What happens through the process of forgiving?
When a person chooses to forgive whether they tell the other party that they are forgiven or not, what happens is they free themselves from that prison of pain. They no longer HAVE to remember the hurt and the injustice done to them. They can now choose to put that person out of their hearts and out of their minds. That person is no longer important to them and is no longer a player in their world. This in turn allows them to heal and gives them an opportunity to forget the entire affair. It is impossible to forget the incident as long as you are still angry and choose to not to forgive. No matter how much a person claims that the initiator is not important to them, subconsciously they are because they are the key player in pain process.
I hope this was helpful in some way, and that you will be able to logically “choose” to forgive even though you can’t emotionally choose to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice. “I choose to forgive you, him, her because it just takes too much energy to be angry at you….I can’t control other people, only myself and I can’t change other people only myself therefor I can’t control what you do or did. I don’t have to like you or be your friend but I can choose to like myself enough to NOT relive the pain of the incident over and over again. I therefore forgive your lack of common sense, your streak of meanness, your need to speak loshon horah (or whatever else it was) because you are in control of your own poor choices and there is nothing I can do about it other than learn never to make those same bad choices in my own life”.
In addition just because one forgives someone that does NOT necessarily mean that you pick up the relationship where you left off.
What does it mean to forgive? If you don’t go back to the same relationship as before, how are you “forgiving”?
Why is it important to forgive? Not forgiving keeps us chained to that person forever. It takes a lot of energy to hold that grudge and be angry at someone. Choosing never to forgive someone means that you are forcing yourself to remember that person and choosing to be angry at them consistently reminding yourself of what that person did to you. “I will never forgive “x” for ……. and so on. This is a daily process almost from waking to going to sleep.
Says who? I can choose to ignore a person I feel did wrong to me. Doesn’t mean I think about the person at all. I don’t have to conciously forgive the person, I can just cut that person out of my life without ever having to give him/her another thought.
Moi, AYC was referring to posters and not moderators. I’m sure AYC saw that thread and either was or was not impressed. I wouldn’t have been.
Haleivi,
Ayc was referring to mods too
“And then a mod says something that I totally did not say”
There are others
I’m talking about the part of not asking Mechilla. “Two major posters…”
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