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Everyone complains about older girls who aren’t married.
What about the boys? In my yeshiva, it was rare to find someone under 23 who was married.
netazar: lets assume each shul has 10 girls between 21-30.
It’s a few thousand dollars and they will garner tremendous attention for their girls. Let each shul figure out how to make it happen. But it should happen asap!
Ofcourse: you are sooo correct it is scary. Data was collected from a wide variety of girls HS across North America, girls who have been dating 5+ years and the number still single is shocking. We are way past debating if the tragedy exists. We are focusing on effecitve implementable soultions.
PBA: I don’t know which yeshvia you went to, and if the boys don’t start dating before 23 then they obviously won’t be married befor 23.
Please note that in the largest boys yeshiva in North America the average dating carrer is under one year, and within 3 years of starting to date almost ALL the boys are married.
“In my yeshiva, it was rare to find someone under 23 who was married”
Good point. But of the 24-25 year olds that did marry, how many of them did so to girls within 2-3 years of their own age?
AZ:
You brought up the idea of paying the shadchan for x number of dates. I disagree. Many times people will go out on several dates when they are unsure to get better clarity. If they know that by ex. date #3 they will have to pay $100, they might not do it. Thus, you get rid of the possibility of the guy/girl getting used to each other after several dates. Additionally, this is a very costly expense for many families in our community.
I always said that principals and roshei yeshiva should get together and try to make shidduchim. Not that it will end up happening…
I always said that principals and roshei yeshiva should get together and try to make shidduchim.
I think the Roman noblewoman should just make the shidduchim. Match them all up in one night.
Not that it will end up happening…
Ditto.
Why be negative? Let’s focus on what CAN be done with some determination. The CR is a good place to start, we all feel for the older singles.
Dunno:
1. For that exact reason the concept will first be implemented by shuls on behalf of their congregrants, classmates on behalf their still single friends, communityes on behalf of their daughters. This way there is no financail deterrent on the individual to continue.
2. It is extremely inexpensive. Most regular girls do not date even 4 guys four x’s each.
3. It will bring tons more people into in the field of redding shidduchim as people tend to get involved in activities where they feel succesful, appreciated and thanked
AZ:
So why aren’t you a shadchan?
1. I fail to undersatnd the question? why do you think i should be one.
Trying my best, AZ has been extremely active and vocal in the area of Shidduchim for a long time now, with results!
In any case, the Klal needs way more than one new Shadchan to handle the immense need.
Brooklyn Yenta
Member
sacrilege: back to the beginning here, if you think this is a gross exaggeration, it’s obvious that you’re not familiar with the goings-on in the divorce scene. good. it’s better that way. stay innocent.
Posted 2 days ago #
Brooklyn Yenta well I’m familiar and not innocent and I don’t understand why you are bashing divorcees..
“Brooklyn Yenta
Member
eclipse: unfortunately, MANY divorcees consider themselves above halacha and do, in fact, lose their yiras shamayim. if you are one of the few that haven’t, kol hakavod to you. i speak from personal experience with many of these. “
Posted 4 days ago #
I find your words very offensive, and where do you base your findings on? I have personal experience too, and do not see at all that divorcees should “consider themselves above halacha & lose yiras shamayim” more than anyone else.
“willi
Member
Brooklyn Yenta well I’m familiar and not innocent and I don’t understand why you are bashing divorcees..”
What do you mean not innocent/personal experience??
Of Course:
Thanks for the plug but how would you know me other that from The CR, and other than the fact that people in the CR have come around in a big way, what other results do you speak of.
Please share… it’s helpful for people to be made aware of the progres that has been made…
AZ, Ive heard from Shadchanim that until the popularization of the age issue, mothers of boys were stuck on much younger girls. That is no longer the case, B”H, and now some mothers even request redding similar age girls, and even older girls, for the benefit of the Klal and for the benefit of maturity/life experience.
Not as much of a rush to rob cradles with very young and of either extreme “teeny bopper- fun loving” type or “in the clouds unrealistically Hashkafically demanding” type, less grounded, straight out of Sem girls.
Yasher Koach, AZ! You probably helped Shalom Bayis too! Whether the guys are more or less mature than the girls, two immature young marrieds is more of a recipe for disaster than one.
Anyone who marries someone for the benefit of the klal is an idiot.
pba, you’re right, anyone who marries someone for the benefit of the klal is an idiot!!! Ive described clear advantages to the couple and longevity of the marriage, that happen to also benefit the Klal.
I’m good with that.
“Anyone who marries someone for the benefit of the klal is an idiot.”
Most definitely.
Of course:
Your chizuk is greatly appreciated as is your clear accurate adn accurate presentation of the change that has been ongoing in the dating scene B”H.
However much work still needs to be done untill we can say that we have really got the situation under control.
A good start would be for shuls, communities etc to implement the concept discussed earlier.
willi, if you really have personal experience, you’d know what i’m talking about. while i understand that many divorcees have been through the wringer and therefore have lost a lot of faith, the fact is that their actions and behavior are far from ideal. are there some divorcees that have retained their level of frumkeit? definitely, but they are the precious few.
trying my best
Member
Brooklyn Yenta
Member
sacrilege: back to the beginning here, if you think this is a gross exaggeration, it’s obvious that you’re not familiar with the goings-on in the divorce scene. good. it’s better that way. stay innocent.
Posted 2 days ago #
Brooklyn Yenta well I’m familiar and not innocent and I don’t understand why you are bashing divorcees..
Posted 1 day ago #
– about innocent- okay I just used brooklyn yentas words- in not innocent I meant to say that I know whats going on in the divorce scene
– and with personal experience I again used her words
willi
Member
“Brooklyn Yenta
Member
eclipse: unfortunately, MANY divorcees consider themselves above halacha and do, in fact, lose their yiras shamayim. if you are one of the few that haven’t, kol hakavod to you. i speak from personal experience with many of these. “
Posted 4 days ago #
I find your words very offensive, and where do you base your findings on? I have personal experience too, and do not see at all that divorcees should “consider themselves above halacha & lose yiras shamayim” more than anyone else.
Posted 1 day ago #
and with that I also simply meant that I have experience of my own with divorce.
trying my best- continued -sorry I do not know how to highlight/ make bold on this page so for clarity, please just read the lines after “POSTED 1 DAY AGO” for my current response
Popa-bar-Abba,”kol hanosey isha le’shem Shamaim ma’ale alav haKosuv ke’ilu yalda”(Sotah). Plus, we are talking about something which does not really matter — a slight difference in the age of a girl.
willi, sorry, but i have no clue what you just said.
willi – okay. I thought I saw an old post of yours saying you were single.
PBA, just cause thats something that you wouldn’t do doesn’t make them an idiot. If a person wants to marry someone for the Klal, he should if he thinks he can get used to the girl after a while. Even if he doesn’t know for sure, you never really know for sure. How about all those people who marry the first girl they go out with? See my point? It’s the same thing. And also that they marry them.
Im not sure how many bochrim in this generation would make major life decisions to please Gedolim/Klal but…
There was once a (true) story in one of the frum magazines where a Chasan got cold feet the day of his weding. A Gadol (cant remember which) asked in Bais Medrash whoever wants to marry this excellent girl today, will merit long life and a good family. One bochur agreed. On his 50th or so wedding anniversary this “bochur” was asked to what he attributes his old age and beautiful family and he told of the Bracha given to him on the day he agreed to marry his wife (on trust of the Gadol’s opinion and Bracha).
If anyone remembers details, please share. This is pretty much what I remember reading.
Brooklyn Yenta
Member
willi, if you really have personal experience, you’d know what i’m talking about. while i understand that many divorcees have been through the wringer and therefore have lost a lot of faith, ***the fact is that their actions and behavior are far from ideal.***
are there some divorcees that have retained their level of frumkeit? definitely, but they are the precious few.
Posted 54 minutes ago #
yes I do in fact have personal experience, and I think you are generalizing and unfairly stereotyping most divorcees. and in general I find your post quite judgemental. how do you get the ‘facts’- as you state? I know countless divorcees who are frum erlich and trying their best to stay strong. only Hashem knows what goes on in a person’s soul and that applies to anyone, divorced married or single.
willi:
For italics, put
<em>before the string and</em>after the string.For bold, put
<strong>before the string and</strong>after the string.willi
you’re right that no one knows what goes on in someone’s soul, but sometimes his actions speak for his soul. in my very personal experience, i have found that a huge amount of divorcees have lost their yiras shamayim. you may see them in shul, on the street, in the grocery looking the same as they always did (even though many change even their mode of dress), but put them on a date and all *** breaks loose. believe me, this information is not made up. it’s coming straight from the tzaddikim themselves.
Ever hear of Sister To Sister?There are about 500 “precious few” of us frum and ehrlich women of all ages.The number is staggering,but yiras shomayim is quite popular.We try to make the best of our individual matzovim.In fact,inappropriate behavior(rare) results in the person literally being “bumped”from the program.
And stam azoy, heintike Chassidim are not known for their Ahavas Yisroel and Dun chaveiro le’kaf ze’chus.
Actually my divorce has increased my yiras shomayim. Please don’t generalize. There are plenty of married people who lack in yiras shomayim.
Brooklyn Yenta, please listen to yourself!
Loshon hora about divorcees “coming straight from the tzadikim”??
If that’s the case, I am on a higher level than they are,because I neither speak nor believe garbage about people.
mdd
Member
And stam azoy, heintike Chassidim are not known for their Ahavas Yisroel and Dun chaveiro le’kaf ze’chus.
POSTED 36 MINUTES AGO #
__________________________
Aside from that being the polar opposite of the truth as they have an abundance of Ahavas Yisroel and Dun chaveiro le’kaf ze’chus far more than typical in the frum communities, it is obvious you don’t have much Ahavas Yisroel and Dun chaveiro le’kaf ze’chus.
whoa! sorry, guys, i have to explain myself. when i said “tzaddikim” it was tongue in cheek. i meant the people themselves.
eclipse: i’m involved with s2s, too. terrific organization. but they don’t know what people do in their personal lives.
health: kol hakavod to you! i did say there are some that have retained their yiras shamayim, and some who have actually grown from their experience (myself included). however, there are loads, and i mean LOADS of divorcees that have fallen. yes, there are plenty of marrieds that have lost their yirah, too. but they’re not the ones we’re discussing now.
Dear B.Y.,But on a public thread like this you will still cause ignorant people to typecast us all.
haifagirl, thanks I’ll try it now willi:
For italics, put before the string and after the string.
Brooklyn Yenta
Member
willi
you’re right that no one knows what goes on in someone’s soul, but sometimes his actions speak for his soul. in my very personal experience, i have found that a huge amount of divorcees have lost their yiras shamayim. you may see them in shul, on the street, in the grocery looking the same as they always did (even though many change even their mode of dress), but put them on a date and all *** breaks loose. believe me, this information is not made up. it’s coming straight from the tzaddikim themselves.
Posted 3 hours ago #
okay Brook. Yen. for clarification sake, since you just keep repeating yourself in different words without bringing adequate proof to back your (harsh) statements, are you referring equally to both genders, or specifically divorced men or women?
In any case your words are very derogatory and not fair for any divorcee trying to remarry, or “stam azoi” to be viewed with suspicion by others from now on- for no reason- other than your “personal experience from tzadikim themselves etc”
willi, it’s very difficult to bring proof since, while guys have no problem telling me things they do, i highly doubt they’ll submit it in writing. i do think it’s worse on the men’s side, but the women do their fair share.
i don’t want divorcees to “stam azoi” be viewed with suspicion, but people that are in the parsha need to know what they may be dealing with. i also want to highlight how difficult it is for those ehrliche divorcees to find someone decent.
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