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Wondering about the experiences of other Frum couples who are parents of an only child. There are very unique issues at play in this situation, not the least of which being people making insensitive remarks about our situation. Would love to hear from others.
Everyone who was ever a parent was the parent of an only child at one time, even if only for a few minutes.
The Wolf
I know this is not what you are looking for but I just wanted to chime in. I was an only child until I was almost 13, my mother had a lot of trouble getting pregnant but bH did and I have a wonderful little sister. My first point is never give up, Hashem sends miracles when you least expect them, and we all support you here and send you good wishes.
Back to my point. People used to say the most in appropriate things to me such as, ” mom and dad only wanted one kid to spoil huh?”. Or people would say, ” you are probably happy mom didnt have more kids so you get all the attention”. People alwas say things without thinking. I wanted a sibling so terribly and wished everyday that my parents would have another baby. I wish we could just zip the lips of those who say hurtful things, even though they don’t mean it. Hatzlacha!!
When i was young there was a girl in my class who was an only child, but we never knew that until years later. She was so friendly and very positive. A few years later, another only child entered our class and boy was she spoiled and not the most pleasant person to be around! Until she entered my class, i never even thought about an only child being different from me.
I cannot judge as i dont know what its like to be the parent of an only child or to be an only child.
As far as nasty comments people make, that i can relate to in a different area of my life.
So good luck and dont let those nasty comments get to you, just look where its coming from!
Here’s some advice I think most people need to hear: don’t ever assume someone you meet has children, or that they have more than one. Don’t ask, “HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE.” or “How many other children do you have?” while most people are lucky enough to have kids, and most have more than one, it is quite painful if you’re among the minority and you’re asked those questions.
When people would ask why we had only one child, I wasn’t rude. I just asked why they wanted to know. Never got a response.
My friends married to an only child. She always says she would never let her kids marry an only child. It’s very hard to carry all the responsibility of elderly or sickly parents. There also are a lot of “only child syndrome” issues.
By that logic, couples should only be allowed to have 2 children under 18 at a time.
1st timer,
In my experience, and that of some of my friends, having siblings who offered only useless criticism but no help in terms of time or money towards the care of a parent can be worse
To 1st Timer: it’s precisely comments like yours that are truly ignorant and unhelpful. Think b4 you speak.
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