Pesach

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  • #596386
    happiest
    Member

    I am so apprehensive about this Pesach. Not because I’m preparing stuff and on a tight schedule (I did help out though)but I think because there is sooo much family time and I’m just not used to it all. I love my family with all my heart but it just gets overwhelming at times. I’m used to a full time work schedule that keeps me out of the house all day and then being home with them in the evening is great. Now it’s being with them all day and night and it just seems daunting.

    Anyone have any ideas of what I can do to keep myself from having a panic attack over this? I feel myself getting to that anxious point that I don’t like:(

    #760168
    happiest
    Member

    Please someone post soon. My laptops gonna die and that’s it for me then, for the night at least.

    #760169
    walton157
    Member

    @happiest: You don’t mention if you are a male or female or how old you are or if you are the owner of your home or the renter.

    Trust me, I feel the same way when I get together with my family for the holidays.

    If you are over the legal age to drink alcohol, enjoy the 4 cups of wine at the Seders. (This does not mean I endorse/encourage alcoholism or underage drinking). The wine will “chill” you and you will be able to relax a little.

    Maybe you can get together with friends during Yom Tov. Go for a walk, maybe sit outside…maybe go to a class at a shule, maybe visit the elderly in one of the many nursing/assisted living homes in your community.

    Or, just close your door to your bedroom (if you have your own room) and read a good book.

    I hope this helped you and alleviated some of your anxiety.

    Much luck and have a wonderful Yom Tov.

    #760170

    Is there a private room you can excuse yourself and go into to be by yourself?

    If not, is stepping out, maybe just onto the porch, maybe for a short walk around the block something that can help?

    Just knowing that you have an “escape” available can be a huge help in calming your anxiety and reducing your stress.

    Panic attacks are very unpleasant – way beyond normal anxiety and apprehension, which may be what you’re experiencing.

    If you actually experience full-blown panic attacks due to relatives’ Yom Tov proximity, and simply removing yourself from the premises isn’t an option or doesn’t work, you may want to speak to a professional for other ideas.

    Obvious disclaimer:

    I’m no pro, nor do I know you or your situation.

    I’m just a poster trying to give some helpful advice based on conversations with a pro about panic disorders and their triggers.

    #760171
    Shrek
    Member

    lots of people have a hard time with this aspect of yom tov. even families that get along well can make each other crazy when cooped up together for extended periods of time. be thankful it’s not a 3 day stretch this time.

    #760172
    aries2756
    Participant

    Happiest, now would be a great time to buy yourself a book that you always wanted to read but never had the time because of your busy schedule. Find yourself a private spot in the house like your own room, and make sure you have a shabbos light on so you can retreat anytime you need, and you will have a good friend waiting for you in there, your book to just sit and relax with.

    You can also put together a photo album of your most favorite pictures and the ones you find most calming and enjoyable to look at and keep that in your room as well, so you can escape to the places you photographed and enjoyed the most when you feel anxious and overwhelmed.

    You can also find out which of your own friends or neighbors will be home, so that you can call upon them to take a walk with you or just have an escape with when you become overwhelmed.

    The most important thing is to remember that YOU are entitled to private time and to your own privacy. Don’t wait for a full blown attack. If you feel the triggers begin, take slow deep breaths from your nose and breathe out through your mouth and do whatever you can to calm down before the attack begins. Whether that is going out for a walk, just stepping out for fresh air, of escaping to your own room for some privacy where you can just breathe near an open window and calm down. Different people use different techniques to help calm them down. Breathing relaxation is very helpful to most people. If you sit in a chair put your hands in your lap with your wrists up and just do some slow deep breathing. When someone who is anxious or about to have a panic attack concentrates on their breathing, they usually overcome the attack. What happens when you go into attack mode is, your mind tells you that you can’t breathe, then you start breathing harder because you think you can’t breathe, and you start hyperventilating even to the point where you can pass out. So getting your breathing under control at the first signs of anxiety and panic is very important to ward off an attack.

    Don’t worry about everyone else, if you need to walk away just excuse yourself and walk away. At worse they will think you have a bad stomach virus.

    #760173
    observanteen
    Member

    Try going out with friends on Chol Hamoed and even at night when your father goes to shul. You can read books (I always get some new stuff before Pesach at the Feldheim sale), magazines, take a nap… You don’t necessarily have to spend time with your family ALL THE TIME. You can also simply tell them that you need some space right now.

    I think that the fact that you’re anticipating about the upcoming situation is creating your anxiety. Also, as I mentioned before, please don’t let it scare you! Why are you so scared of a panic attack? You know the breathing relaxation and what to tell yourself when suffering from one. Besides, has a panic attack EVER hurt you? Of course not. Why are you afraid then? Tell yourself you’ll be perfectly fine. You know precisely what to do. You never made a fool out of yourself, passed out or died. IT’S OKAY.

    Hatzlacha Rabba. A chag kosher vesameach.

    #760174
    RABBAIM
    Participant

    1- Learn.,read, say some Tehillim 2- Go visit people who need a visitor. hospital, nursing home, shut ins etc. the chessed will make you feel uplifted and small ….. things won’t bother you. Try it!

    #760175
    hanib
    Participant

    observanteen – that was a great answer about happiest’s anxiety.

    haven’t seen your name around here for a bit – hope all is well. 🙂

    happiest – good luck – you’ve been given great advice, just relax and know that most people get stressed out being around their families for a whole week. you’re normal!

    #760176

    there is something called too much togetherness. It has been explored by many psychological theorists, particularly the founding fathers of family therapy. It is an innate, instinctual response and is normal and healthy. Everyone has their own threshold, but individuality is also important and spending time alone or away from close family members has it’s time too. Pesach and bein hazmanim does mean too much togetherness for many, which is why all the suggestions to spend time alone, take a walk, go for a drive, etc. are good ones! Don’t feel guilty, this is true for any relationship and what’s unhealthy are people who need too much togetherness or too much individuality. You need to have a good balance of both so you can develop your relationship with others as well as with yourself.

    #760177
    observanteen
    Member

    Binah: Thanks. Yes, B”H everything’s fine. I’m posting less these days because a- it’s erev pesach and we’ve got TONS to do B- I want to “decaf” myself from the CR. I was too addicted!

    But it was nice of you to notice I wasn’t around. I was begining to wonder if anybody ever read my posts…:)

    Gut Yom Tov!

    #760178
    happiest
    Member

    Thanks everyone for the great answers!

    I took out about 8 books from the library, can’t wait to read them all. I have asked a friend if we can get together so that will work too. And I’m just going to take it slow and relaxed. I’m going to make sure that going to shul happens since I always enjoy the davening and come out feeling so calm afterwards.

    Thanks for all the ideas e/o!! Now, I’m looking forward b”H!

    Btw- Walton, I’m a single female who lives at home with my family.

    #760179
    GumBall
    Member

    Eveyone on The CR Have a WONDERFUL Pesach!!!

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