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shopping613
having emunah is not a contradiction to do things in a natural way.
let me ask you:
when you go out would you wear the same clothing you are wearing when you are in the kitchen cooking? or would you dress nicer etc.?
why have a resume?
why go out at nice places?
etc. etc.
I’m sure you get my point.
hatzlacha rabba in whatever and however you do.1. With online websites like sawyouatsinai.com where i am a matchmaker i ignore those without pics… its a way to understand who this person is and if I can see them possibly together . 2. If it is a long distance shiduch involving money spent on plane fares etc and time off work/ yeshiva, i think if a guy wants a pic and vice versa, or SHORT skype meeting, i totally get it. as two minutes into the date he can be like no way and i could have saved us both money and energy. and vice versa. I thik if an FFB wants to do the old shiduch way, meet the shadchanit, no pic on profile like my daughter did and bh she married a great guy that also didnt have his pic- the shadchan knows how they both look and can describe it- go for it, its great if its good enough for the couple, i think sometimes if a pic is requested to be sent in the young bais yaakov circles it should ONLY go to the mother of the boy or girl. I guess it all depends on the situation, BUT one thing for sure, NOT ENOUGH people realise the value of a GOOD PROFESSIONAL PHOTO> too often i have a profile of a guy who doesnt smile, is looking over Niagara falls with a tiny pose of him which isnt clear, or the girl in a casual outfit out doing whatever, THE FIRST IMPRESSION IS IMPORTANT> like u wd get dressed up for a date that had real promise so when you first walked in they would see u at your best, a shiduch pohoto is not different. smile. look at camera. show ur best side. do your hair make up wear shabbos clothes etc…
I may be old fashioned, but I think a profile photo should be a painting, not a photo. Then it shows now how the person physically looks, but how other people see him or her.
@Lucy
No one tells the truth these days, also again; for myself I need to see a picture.@knaidlach:
My pictures look nice. I look nicer when I go out because I’m a girly girl and enjoy looking pretty, put together, and made up. I’m not quite sure what you’re trying to say.
@LAmother: I’ve done casual first dates.Did anyone have an experience where they almost didn’t agree to go out with someone based on their picture, and then they went out and actually really liked the person?
Also, what about the many times when people went out with a potential shidduch and they didn’t like him/her right away, only to end up marrying him/her?
Why limit yourself?
Seeing a picture and then saying no to a date because you didn’t like the picture is not very smart.
So why did you need the picture?shopping613
my point is, that at the same time that we have emunah that hashem already decidedwho is your sivug, and if its meant to be it will happen regardless what your pic looks like, we still have to do things in the best natural way for things to work out. my opinion is that a pic might turn away others, and might prolong etc. the process even if its the right one.
especially in your case, that you describe yourself, that you look better in real life, so why the pic? the pic is a limitation.Y E S – I won’t go out without one & I’m a girl! People think it’s socially off when I ask, & while it may sound shallow, I’m not going out with anybody I’m not attracted to. I don’t have to think they’re the most handsome man in the world, but there has to be something there to draw me in. Yes, I am aware- personality lasts while looks fade, but attraction is important imo. This could be why I’m 21, almost 22 & single. But, that’s besides the point.
February 6, 2019 1:41 pm at 1:41 pm
#1675181
Yserbius123ParticipantIn my opinion pictures are stupid and serve zero purpose. But this is the way the world works, thanks to increasingly ridiculous demands (mostly from the parents of people in shidduchim, and the shadchanim capitulating on said demands).
But if you really want to do pictures, there has to be an agreement with the shadchan that both parties will receive each others picture. Otherwise it’s just prust and arrogant to ask.
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Why is it any less arrogant or prust for the boys side to discuss money and free apartments before evrn considering to go out with a girl.
Why is it less prust to go out with a girl for hours on end at night time on hiways and biways in locked cars.
No one deems to be bothered hete, only about a picture request..
How someone looks in a picture is completely irrelevant to how they will be in married life. Money does matter, as does how people look in person.
Imo sending a picture is a breach of tznius and 100% useless. Even if its not touched up it doesnt show anything other than obvious deformities. You cannot compare seeing an image of someone to meeting them in real life.
With that said, T2T point is silly and not accurate. Most dates start between 6-8 (or earlier) and end by 900-1130, most of the time they are in a public place (lounge, resturant, etc) they are not driving on empty highways for “hours on end.” You are essentially accusing boys in shidduchim of being predators which is a pretty vile thing to say.
I also dont believe (based on my own and my friends experiences) that money and “free apartments” are discussed in detail before a couple goes out. This only comes up once the relationship shows some potential.Expect it, then ignore it.
RY23, why/how does money matter?
bk613, when/how is money (or apartments) discussed?
I never heard of “free apartments”…..is that the new normal for shiduchim along with the “Kallah packages”, 2 goats and 3 chickens?
Joseph, money can help the couple purchase goods and services that they need in order to live.
Money is discussed when the shidduch shows some potential of going somewhere. Most newly married couples in the mainstream frum circles are not in the financial situation to pay rent and cover all of there living expenses. These things need to be discussed and finalized. Its a discussion that can be had thru the shadchan or between the 2 sets of parents.
bk613: Are you indicating that discussion is had after the shidduch is made? Or are you indicating that discussion is had prior to the shidduch being finalized and that discussions of monetary considerations are a serious factor as to whether the shidduch will proceed?
Photos are inappropriate, period. The impression here is that the Litvishe Torah world condones this practice and even gives it borderline approval. To reduce a bas yisrael to her physical attributes? Horrible. This is reality? Maybe, but it is certainly not Torah.
rational- i agree that pictures are uncalled for.
Just don’t agree with your statement “To reduce a bas yisrael to her physical attributes? Horrible.”
Because it’s important that a wife is motzei chein b’einei baalah
I’m indocating that this discussion is had prior to engagement. However I am not implying that it should be a serious factor in seeing if a shidduch goes thru. At the end of the day the couple will need certain expenses taken care of for them.
Pictures 100% are reducing a bas yisroel to her physical attributes. Yes its important to be attracted to your spouse but deciding who you will go out with based on looks is a vile practice that’s antiethical to anything frum Judaism teaches. Ask anyone who is married if they thought their spouse was gorgeous on their first date. Majority will say no. Thats not to say they didnt think the other person wasn’t pretty. Rather, it shows that real attraction is something that develops as the other (more meaningful) aspects of a relationship develop.
Whether pictures are appropriate, is a whole ‘nother discussion. However, as a single girl, if a guy requests a picture from me, I should be able to request one back; and not given a whole song and dance. The same way he wants a beauty, I don’t want a beast.
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