Sholom Zechorah

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  • #608236
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    So my brother had a girl. And we wanted it to be a boy because then there is a sholom zachor which is fun. But it was a girl.

    So we realized something very important– we could still all come for shabbos and we could still have a sholom zachor. We could just clean up after the meal, and then drink beer and eat lethal beans and sing ureh banim.

    So we did. But we sang ???? ???? ???????, and we sang ???? ???? ?????? ?? ?? ????? ??? ?? ????? ?????? ?????, and we thought about singing ????? ???? ???? ????? ????…??????? ?? ????? ???? ???????????.

    And we realized that it was much more fun than a real sholom zachor, because it was just the family. And that is the part of thee sholom zachor that is fun anyway–not when your brother’s rotten friends come and get drunk and swill all the scotch and yell at their kid for eating too much candy and throw up in your beanies and leave with each other’s coats–it’s the most fun when everybody else leaves and it’s just the family left. (I’ll teach you how; you set the lights on a timer to go off for 10 minutes at 11:00.)

    So how come other people also don’t do this?

    So we realized they do; they just don’t tell us because then we would come (and swill the scotch and yell at our kids etc).

    #1118616
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    He had a female boy?

    Oh you meant Shalom Nekeiva.

    #1118617
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Why, would that make more sense?

    #1118618
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    A zechora is a female zachor. It makes as much sense as saying Chava was an “adama”.

    #1118619
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Brilliant!

    #1118620
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    A zechora is a female zachor. It makes as much sense as saying Chava was an “adama”.

    Yes, but sholom nekeiva makes about as much sense as saying your son had a bas mitzva.

    #1118621
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    Popa: OK I hear that. And nice song, and good point, and may you enjoy many such simchos in the future.

    #1118622
    yaakov doe
    Participant

    popa_bar_abba Any reason your brother doesn’t invite you to come over every Friday night to drink beer and eat beans?

    Having a big seuda for the pidyon habas?

    #1118623
    farrockgrandma
    Participant

    A girl is welcomed with a kiddush. Time and place flexible. Mazel tov!

    #1118624
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    popa_bar_abba Any reason your brother doesn’t invite you to come over every Friday night to drink beer and eat beans?

    We live in different cities.

    #1118625
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    If the first sentence in the OP is not subject to Popa’s Law, mazel tov!

    #1118626
    shmoolik 1
    Participant

    for a girl there is “zeved ha bas”

    celebrated by the Sefardim

    #1118627
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    for a girl there is “zeved ha bas”

    celebrated by the Sefardim

    And if I was sfardi, then I would care.

    #1118628
    oomis
    Participant

    Mazel tov on the Simchat Bat (that’s what some people I know call it). Definitely not sholom zechora.

    #1118629
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    If you were sefardi, you’d have to remember to set the Shabbos clock.

    #1118630
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Mazel tov on the Simchat Bat (that’s what some people I know call it). Definitely not sholom zechora.

    People you know drink beer and eat chickpeas on friday night after they have a girl? And don’t invite me?

    And sing ureh banos?

    #1118631
    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Mazel tov! May she grow up to be as strange and brilliant as her uncle.

    #1118632
    Toi
    Participant

    “lethal beans”

    i honestly think that is the best auto-word-correcter thingy ever, and hereby nominate those words as the best post ever. theen i chapped it may have been on purpose, and then its even funnier. props.

    #1118633
    oomis
    Participant

    People you know drink beer and eat chickpeas on friday night after they have a girl? And don’t invite me?

    And sing ureh banos?

    Yes, yes, and no.

    It’s not widely-done here, but I do know some families who feel that believe it or not, the birth of a healthy baby daughter is just as exciting and meaningful as the birth of a son and made the female version of a Sholom Zochor on the Friday night after their birth. I myself could not WAIT to have daughters after my ben habechor was born, but being super traditional, I did not make a simchat bat for any of them (made kiddushim, though).

    #1118634
    moi aussi
    Member

    Zechura/Zachur is from the verb Lizkor-To Remember, not related to the word Zachar-Male.

    #1118636
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Oomis: I did not know that, and I think it is a chillul Hashem, but I’m pretty sure we’ve done that conversation before. I still think what we did is ok, because it was just our family having fun and we didn’t invite the community.

    I don’t have any problem with wanting to make any sort of party for the birth of a girl. But I do have a problem with davka doing the type of party which is made for a boy. Meaning, if you are happy and want a party–make a party. But if you are doing it to make social statements–that I am not in favor of.

    #1118637
    twisted
    Participant

    PBA, why the condescending comment on minhag Sfarad, you could have remained silent.

    #1118638
    Health
    Participant

    PBA -I heard people don’t make parties for girls because when you meet people in the st. and ask where are they going Fri. nite -they say to a Zochor. You can’t tell people that you’re going to a “________”!

    #1118639
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    twisted: You misunderstand my disdain. My disdain is not for their minhag, but for the idea that other people should adopt minhagim that are not their own.

    #1118640
    midwesterner
    Participant

    Since this was linked . . . Health: cute chap. But I am not aware of any reason to say going to a zochor when in the street. I know that in the mikvah on Friday afternoon, people will talk about a zuchor, because Shalom is a name of Hashem that some consider to be inappropriate to say in the mikvah. ON the street, no reason not to say the full word.

    #1118641
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Lethal beans.

    #1118642
    good.jew
    Member

    wow, thanks for bumping. Happens to be, my sister had a baby girl and we followed Popa’s sage advice. In fact it almost felt like Popa was in the room

    #1118644

    I wonder if the reason we make a shalom zachor for boys and a kiddush for girls is because women cannot be chayav in a mitzvas asei shehazman grama.

    #1118645
    Joseph
    Participant
    #1252837
    Chortkov
    Participant

    Bump. Here you go, Zaltvasser.

    #1252890
    zaltzvasser
    Participant

    Thanks, @yekke2 !
    Turns out, the “sholom zechorah” is actually a real thing!

    The Shalom Zachar – And the Shabbos Kiddush for Girls: Halachic Analysis

    #1253319
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    zaltzvasser – very interesting! Thank you!

    #1253334
    avrah
    Participant

    I once heard from a famous rebbetzin that she is מכוין by שעשני כרצונו that she doesn’t have to go to shalom zachars, so if that is part of being a women, then we can’t make one for a girl.

    #1253343
    Lilmod Ulelamaid
    Participant

    Avrah – they are two separate issues (at least in theory) – who goes to the shalom zachor and who they are made for.

    On the one hand, it is possible for shalom zachors to be for boys but both men and women attend. On the other hand, it is possible for shalom zachors to be for both boys and girls but only men attend.

    By the way, most women I know do attend Shalom zachors, although there are usally less women in attendance than men.
    Also, that’s a very unusual thing to have in mind for שעשני כרצונו, so I don’t think it can be used as proof of anything. I hope she has other things in mind, and that was just a joke.

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