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LB – I’m super-impressed! You’re doing a much better job of answering than I could have! Shkoyach!!
Meno – never underestimate your influence on others! (Most people do and I have a feeling you might in particular).
Lilmod, is it okay halachically in order to not make me feel bad to hang out with boys and not make me feel embarrassed that other girls have husbands and I do not?
rebshidduch – sorry but your question was not phrased accurately so I don’t understand it. Can you try again?
Is this what you meant: “Is it okay halachically for me to hang out with boys because it will help me to not feel bad as well as to not feel embarrased about the fact that I am single?”
Lilmod, yes.
Just as assur as it was before. Those facts don’t make it mutar.
btw, even though you may feel worse in the short run, and maybe even much worse, I think that eventually you will be much happier. Sometimes the very things that are very hard at the moment (and maybe even for several moments) ultimately make us much happier.
Also, I do think that if not talking to boys makes you so unhappy, you should try to figure out why you feel this way and what you can do to stop feeling this way. Wanting to talk to boys is natural, but you should not feel depressed when you don’t.
Lilmod, it is okay I almost have a boyfriend to start seriously dating and maybe even marry.
B”H
Meno, why B’H?
B”H you almost have a boyfriend to start seriously dating and maybe even marry.
Meno, I guess it is good that you like my boyfriend.
How could I like him? I don’t even know him.
Meno, and you never will.
How do you know? Maybe I am him
Meno, I did not know that you were him. But you guys are completely different.
“But you guys are completely different.”
That doesn’t sound good.
I hope this isn’t the guy with the tattoo who you were giving rides to who is not Frum enough for you.
Lilmod, it does not matter if it is or is not.
Lilmod, I will have to admit it is. I know you will not approve but I am the one dating him not you.
Aren’t you Jewish?
I will have to admit it is. I know you will not approve but I am the one dating him not you.
In that case, I retract my “B”H” and replace it with “oy, nebech”
“But you guys are completely different.”
Next time, try to find someone like Meno.
Lilmod, I am a religious Jew. Someone like Meno will not work for me.
“Lilmod, I am a religious Jew. Someone like Meno will not work for me.”
???? Huh? What is that supposed to mean? Meno is way Frummer than this guy you are dating!!!!!
Meno, that is very insulting. It is B’H.
Rebshidduch, it is not insulting at all. It shows he cares about you and that he thinks you deserve someone better.
Lilmod, thank you. For me this is a good boy.
From your previous posts, that is clearly not the case. You are clearly acting on your emotions and not your seichel, and he is clearly not good for you.
If you don’t believe me, go back and read your previous posts in the thread on that topic. (That was someone else’s idea – can’t remember who – maybe WTP? – anyhow, it was a great idea!)
Lilmod, some people change their minds. Now I think he would be a great husband for me.
Again, from what you wrote before, it was clear that you might eventually reach that conclusion if you let your emotions blind your intellect.
Your originals posts were written before you completely let your emotions take over. So they were written more from logic. But it was clear that you were going in the direction of letting your emotions take over.
I think from now on when you are trying to decide if a boy is for you, you should compare him to Meno. If you decide that he is “VERY different” from Meno, he is not for you.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be Meno. It can be anyone you know in real life who is sensible, mature, well-grounded religiously and emotionally, cares about you and what’s good for you and is looking out for your best interests and not just for a girlfriend, knows what his goals in life are and those goals are to grow in his Avodas Hashem and he is looking for a partner to help him to fulfill those goals, is honest and doesn’t try to get you to do things you don’t want to do, etc.
Lilmod, from what it sounds like to you, your saying that you think he is looking for a girl friend and not a wive?
Lilmod, I regret not telling him it was okay to date me from the beginning.
“Lilmod, from what it sounds like to you, your saying that you think he is looking for a girl friend and not a wive?”
YES!
Lilmod, I meant to add to my last post that obviously Hashem did not want us to start dating right away. He wanted us to start at the right time which is now.
“Lilmod, I regret not telling him it was okay to date me from the beginning.”
That’s to be expected. Once you started dating him, your emotions took hold and you can no longer think as clearly.
Lilmod, why would you say he would not want me as a wive and only as a girlfriend?
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