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idk what to do! my friend really likes this boy and he doesn’t even know her so well and idk what to tell her cuz she thinks she’s marrying him but she most probably is not because he’s not such a good boy (he probably has a million girlfriends- which my friend doesn’t want to believe) and my friend is a really good girl. she never speaks to boys. and I, together with the rest of my friends, are trying to get her to stop thinking about him but to no avail she’s always in lala land daydreaming… what should i tell her? she’s one of my best friends!!! help!!!
How do they know each other did they ever hang out???
Tell her to say tehillim and remember who she is and what she believes in. Remind her that she is normal and that her hormones are working. Maybe a little overtime but she should not allowed her fantasies to run out of control and make her do something that will change her life and make it spin out of control. She should understand that the choices she makes today will define her future and the paths those choices will lead to.
Encourage her to speak to the guidance counselor in the school or her own private therapist so that what she tells them is confidential and won’t get back to the teacher or the principal. She needs a professional to talk to that can guide her. She is NOT going to listen to her friends who she will think are immature and not on her level and she for sure won’t discuss this with her parents or mechanchim who she feel for sure won’t understand.
say tehillim… really?
Tell her to be dan lkaf zchus and that hes probably also a good guy and that she should express her feelings to him.chances are those feelings are mutual….how old are they? care to share some more details?
She has a crush on him. He doesn’t know she exists. Doesn’t sound like much of a relationship.
I believe there is something available online (thank you, gooogle) called 71 reasons not to talk to guys (boys?).
Heres a link to info about a fantastic shiur by Rabbi Wallerstein that ties in with the OP.
Hatzlacha
let her live and dream.She’s going to get old soon and realize whats up.I wouldnt worry about this to much.I can think of 8 million more things to worry about.Peace.
Let her figure it out the hard way. It’s part of the growing up process
when she ‘grow up’ and reality hits her in the face, how is she going to react? is she going to say oh wow that was childish of me or will she get really depressed when her dreams aren’t actualized. broken dreams can be dangerous. i suggest helping her now even though i cant give you an idea how to break her fantasies. Hatzlacha in what ever you decide what to do
Getting your heartbroken isnt the worst thing in the world, you get over it.
Its a part of growing up
chill. nothings going on. this is what guys feel day and night. itll pass.chill.
How old is she? This sounds more like a crush and does not sound as if it is being reciprocated.
briskforlife
Member
“say tehillim… really?”
Whats wrong with saying tehillim?
chocolateluver- I once had a friend like this when we were younger. She was still in HS and I was so shocked that she was seeing boys without the parents knowledge (eventually they found out). All i had to do as a friend was be patient and try to explain to her what she was doing. (and i prayed for her so much).
Sometimes when people are missing some care and attention they try to look for it elsewhere. In this case she found herself a “boyfriend”. She was such a good girl from a good family and everything, but as people grow up, sometimes they want to look for something they feel is missing.
In my case it took some time till she learnt that she wasnt the only girl this guy was seeing. It broke her heart but thats when she realized that what she was doing wasnt right. Sometimes people dont have the clarity to see things as they are and now my friend upon realizing decided that this wasnt what she was looking for.
Try to be patient and be there for her. It could just be a phase (hormones) and all she needs to do is become a little more mature over time. Keep reminding her that what she is doing is wrong (this guy isnt meant for her) etc.
Now, I dont know how old you or your friend are. But if you are in shidduchim already try to set her up with someone else. Send your friend emails about Rabbi Wallerstein’s shiurim and talk about how good it was or how you heard it and thought it was great and you just wanted to share it with her(without mentioning your friends situation).
Good luck and all the best.
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