40 Responses

1. Satmar runs a public school.

2. So, is your son 7 or 8? You have both mentioned in your letter. I have 7 children and I would never forget my child’s when I’m dealing with him getting in to schools or what grade.

   There is something off about this article, not the age thing but just the way it’s written.

3. N

4. I always feel bad when someone is mistreated. But what is the message that more rejected people should go to public school? Maybe try a non Lakewood Yeshiva first?

5. It’s unfortunate. But it’s not only in Lakewood area. It’s all over. It’s where you belong. You have to dress the part. If you wear a chassidisha hat they won’t let your kids in a Flatbush heimisha school for they will wonder why the parents are coming to a more non chassidish yeshiva instead of placing their kid in the chassidisha yeshiva the family belongs. If you are clean shaven with a bend down hat you ain’t entering n chassidisha yeshiva in America or Canada. Today there are many new yeshivas as opposed to years ago. If you got kicked out you were finished. Each yeshiva calls the other yeshiva to find out about their potential new student. So you’re doomed. There are yeshivas that would take any kid in and it’s not the litvish or heimisha. Believe it or not Satmar would take any kid. Just tell the kid meet at this corner for the bus and bring your Satmar hat and long coat and your in. If you are modern you won’t last long but if you make an effort and behave your in. All the other yeshivas should be ashamed of Satmar as they are more open minded. Just because the other yeshivas principals wear suits and ties doesn’t make them open minded.

6. Unfortunately, some principals and schools have a lot to answer for, and will have to answer one day to a Higher Power.
   With empathy for parents in such situations.
   A little polishing of letter required, is he 7 or 8 years old, and didn’t understand sequence of events.
   Either way, for parents fighting the system, never give up on your children.
   Unfortunately, the Moisdos are out to care for themselves, not your child.

7. This is a very upsetting and concerning story. I am very sorry for your son and for your family.

   Question- was this a school outside of Lakewood, albeit in the Lakewood area, which has as its mission to ‘provide a Jewish education for Public School kids’?

8. I am confused by this letter, there seems to be a hodgepodge of accusations strung together in a non-sequential way, but three points seem to emerge.

   1 – The yeshiva “rejected” your son, while a public school showed more “welcome”
   2 – You feel that “needing pull” is a corrupt system
   3 – You don’t conform to the school, and didn’t feel the need to “dress the part”, and pretend you do.

   Well, I would say that you may be correct, this school is unwelcoming, corrupt, and does’nt value individuality.

   But there is another option here…

   Maybe the school 1. did not have the tools to handle your child 2. was not able to people they can trust to verify that you are a good partner for the chinuch they provide 3. Saw that what your idea of chinuch and their idea of chinuch was, were incompatible.

   The fact that you choose to see it as the school being at fault may be because you are are correct, or you may be biased to your own shortcomings. Hard to truly know from my side of the keyboard. Hatzlacha!

9. Hi,

   I genuinely feel with you. The pain is real.
   I don’t know both sides of the story, but your side is your reality, and it hurts. It was painful reading your story which unfortunately represents many other stories as well.

   Kudos to you for doing what you feel is the best for your child and your family.

   That being said, is it possible (that if your child was not under the ABA program) the school simply didn’t have the framework and available staff to service and attend to the needs of your child?

   I’m curious, were you rejected with empathy and understanding or did they just throw you out?

   Did the school help you look for another school?

   Last, (and this is the most difficult for me to type) at the end of the day a School has a responsibility to all of its students. If they would have to taken your child could it have been at the expense of other students being that they would have to deal with his behavioral issues which they apparently are unequipped to deal with?

   I’m sorry if these questions come across harsh. I don’t mean to be hurtful. Just trying to give perspective. Schools are struggling with being understaffed and the means to deal with children who the attention the most.

   I earnestly wish you much Hatzlacha in all of your endeavors and much Yiddishe Nachas from your children.

10. Unfortunately, this story is a little too similar to ours. We are still trying to make it work within the Lakewood school system but the light in my son’s eyes have gone out and he is only welcomed for 2 hours a day in a Yeshiva setting. Can we just discard these children because they need something different?

11. I am grateful every day for the thousands of lives that were saved because the people that went into chinuch did not go into medicine.

12. They’re children, not kids (kids are small goats).
    This letter is full of inaccuracies and half-truths, which makes me think the story is made up.

13. I am sorry for your pain and the dificulties that you have been going through. I hope and Daven that you, your son, and your family come through this ordeal stronger than when you went in. On a mostly unrelated note, if your strong feelings about authenticity do not allow you to “dress the part” for a school interview, then you are most probably correct in your thinking that a city other than Lakewood would have better options for the Chinuch of your children.

14. While a small school cannot always manage difficult pupils, in a large Kehillah like Lakewood, there should be a moisod catering for the many children that do not fit into the main-stream Yeshivos. I am sure, this boy is just one of many.

15. Thank you for the “not dressing the part” clarification. It balances a little the accusation against the schools.
    You are doing the right thing by looking for another community where you and your son will be accepted.
    Public school though is unfortunately not an option – even with strong Yiddishkeit foundations at home. I have a cousin who tried it and just celebrated his son’s wedding in Israel, but we couldn’t dance at the Chasuna. Vehameyvin Yovin.

16. There’s got to be a lot more to the story. If your authentic self is not acceptable in Lakewood, then for your child’s sake, move to a more accepting community & enroll him in yeshiva.

17. BYE BYE!!

18. Move back to Brooklyn. Your son will not have an issue finding schools

19. Please dispel some rumors about public school. Was your child offered gender reassignment surgery upon enrolling? Given tattoos? Forced to listen to rock and roll?

20. There’s a lot more to the story than meets the eye. The original school that ejected the boy (he was 7 at the time and has since turned 8 by the way), is not in Lakewood but rather half hour away. The family wasn’t interested in a Lakewood school. Unfortunately for the family even this modern school is run and controlled by people from Lakewood. The people in charge are trying to completely
    Revamp the school; get rid of all parents who can’t pay full tuition or are a nuisance in anyway shape or form. Many many ppl have had problems with the person(s) who run the school. This family isn’t the first (or the last) to transfer their child to public school because of the incompetent and unmentchlikh way they treat parents. There is zero accountability, transparency or caring. The hypocrisy is staggering and someone needs to do
    Something about it.

21. Fortunately there are times where I see these letters and I say that they have to be purposely placed here and this is one of those times. As somebody mentioned there’s a few indiscrepancies in the letter that a parent would not make that mistake.

    Maybe it’s time that we called for honest letters, real letters, written by real people about real issues and that just something that’s made up because we need clickbait.

22. There is a special Olam Habboh for yeshiva principals. The better, more mentchlich principals, will all be in Gan Eden behind a glass wall to stand and observe all the tzaddikim enjoying Gan Eden while they’ll have no part in it. Others will be in Gihennom and will observe the beauty of Gan Eden from the abyss and the hellish fires of Gihennom.

23. This was definitely written by chatgpt (AI). Not only is the language is chatgpt but also the ideas. Theyeshivaworld should not have printed it because it’s clearly not fully authentic. Full of inaccuracies that a frum person would never have written.

24. As a few mentioned, there is something off about this letter. It is full of inconsistencies, the way she writes “my kid” and has two different ages and generally written very strangely.

25. You also state that you are a “licensed therapist.” However, your use of grammar—particularly past and present tense—is not accurate. Therefore, I do not find your version of events believable.

26. The denial and defensiveness of some of the commenters here is really something to behold. I know these people personally and every word written here is true. In fact many people are aware of this situation and disgusted and dismayed with the leadership of the school in question.

    1. The child was enrolled in a modern school outside of Lakewood. He’s a sweet and brilliant kid but with some behavioral difficulties.

    2. The school is basically under the sole control of a prominent and choshuve person from Lakewood.

    3. The school has been unstable and has undergone all kinds of changes over the years.

    4. It used to be a good option (the only one) for families in Lakewood whom don’t conform to the typical Lakewood standards. The family in question happens to have old roots in Lakewood but is not “typical Lakewood”.

    5. They were treated like unwanted refuse by the powers that be at the school in question.

    6. When the family reluctantly tried their luck with some more open-schools in Lakewood they were also not given the courtesy and respect they deserve.

    7. The child had to stay home for months on end rendering him sullen and withdrawn. One parent had to quit their job in order to be with him.

    8. Not one person in the community offered an actual practical solution to the problem.

    9. Having exhausted all options the child was enrolled in public school.

    10. When word got around that the child is in PS it became a mini scandal. Suddenly people seemed to care. Not care enough to find him a school, no, not that far, just enough to criticize the parents and leave it at that.

    There are a lot of people that need to give a reckoning here.

27. Whether the letter is legit nor not,, the point raised is valid. Many smaller yeshivos simply don’t have the resources to accommodate the needs of students with special needs, beyond a minimal level. They don’t the type of budgetary resources that legally mandate public schools to make such accommodation, once the ABA assessment is completed and an IEP (individualized education plan) is developed for the unique needs of that child. While there fortunately are a growing number of mosdos that have accessed public education resources to fund special needs programs for frum students, they are still too few and under-resourced.

28. As has been mentioned, the letter is rather odd, and not well written.
    Despite that, these are real issues, and some people will have to answer for the way parents and children are being treated.
    Schools are not only for the few lucky perfect children without ADHD and other behaviour issues.
    😫

29. Whether the story is authentic or not, it’s so easy to blame principals, yeshivos, and chinuch “systems”. Before criticizing yeshiva principals, try being one yourself. I can’t say that every mechanech is 100% perfect, but the issues that elementary and high school mechanchim (and mechanchos) face in today’s dor are extremely complex and pressurized. Today’s children are not the children of previous generations. (And neither are today’s parents!) Exposure to the current outside society has severely damaged the innocence (spiritual and behavioral) of our children, and the mechanchim are expected to be the champions to deal with it. Parents should take a step back and consider if they aren’t somewhat responsible because they didn’t make their homes bastions of proper hashkafa and derech eretz. Maybe they themselves aren’t fully knowledgeable of basic yiddishe hashkafa. So children grow up with confused ideas, leaving the mechanchim to solve the issues. A school principal has to balance what’s best for the child, what’s best for the class, and what’s best for the school. This is a very complex and difficult responsibility. Principals know very well the potential consequences of terminating a student. Most feel the pain of the student and parents when such a move becomes necessary, and would probably try to work with them to get the child into another yeshiva. Most principals would consult with da’as Torah, and professionals, before making such a decision. And then they have to live with the conscience burden, risking their own health. Unfortunately, They have to face this constantly. Would any of you critics be prepared to exchange places with them? In this particular case, before sympathizing totally with the letter writer, you have to hear the other side of the story. A parent naturally is biased in favor of their child, and can’t always fully consider the whole picture. It used to be said that children of psychiatrists ended up needing psychiatrists. I’m not judging this letter writer personally, but it can be reasonable to expect that one who is trained to analyze behaviors in a clinical fashion can create an abnormal atmosphere in the home, instead of a good old natural upbringing. I myself have experienced having conversations in a purely social setting with behavioral specialists, where I felt my every action and word was being analyzed. So there’s probably a lot more to the issue than what you read in the letter.

30. while there are always two side to the story, we still have to admit to a major communal short-coming. All these problems stem from one source. Inability to use the Torah and Chazal in a pure form. Halevay, we should all look at things, the way Vilna Gaon looked at things. We love Pilpul. Everyone likes to give his Chidushim and believes that they are right. They then excuse themselves by applying that there are 70 Panim Latorah. Well, when you make decisions on how to run things based on your personal feeling, then you run the risk of getting influenced by an old European close minded culture. When you submit yourself to devrei Chazal and are aware that we should not allow ourselves to be influenced by the culture of the Esav, they you realize that Judiasim operates on love and warmth and Chessed, and not policitical Judgnents and other superficial values! The system needs to be close-minded where the Torah wants us to be ( the culture of Esav), and open-minded where to Torah wants us to be ( Pure, non-political Chessed). May Hashem send us a speedy Geula so we come out of our confused practices.

31. My Brocha to the writter is that I really hope that experieces like this would bring you closer to Hashem by doing Teshuva and by doing the right thing. It is very easy to rebel in cases like this and Chas Veshalom use this as an excuse ( willingly or unintentionally/naturally) and distance ourselves from our creater. no, situations like this shall motivate us to do our part and be a role model for our bretheren, That is true even loving those who hurt us. Believe me, Hashem will pay you back and will shower you with Brachos if you think that way. After all, this is the ONLY way to bring the Geula

32. So disingenuous and so one sided. This letter is obviously only one side of the story. Why don’t you tell everyone why your child was rejected and what the “diagnosis” was?? That’s the least you can disclose instead of writing a whole one sided letter. The second point you may need to elaborate on is what do you mean by “dress the part”? Be a little more specific about what you want to look and how that differs from what they want you to look. All this can shed some light on why a Lakewood school wasn’t interested in partnering with you in your children’s chinuch and why the public school was interested. You can do better by being more honest with yourself and others than by casting blame on all the Lakewood schools in one broad swipe

33. I do not know this school, family, or child. I am basing my comments just on what the letter writer says. It certainly sounds like the child was not a simple case. It sounds like he was a “behavioral challenge”( children are NEVER problems, just challenges). I wonder, how many of you would tolerate a child who is disruptive? as a school principal, I can tell you that at that age, most children that are disruptive can hurt other children. This is not because they are mean or trying to be hurtful, just they dont have the ability yet to understand what they are doing. They may even mean to be trying to include the other child in their mischief. Whatever the reason, what would you as a parent do if your child came home every day crying that a particular child hit him, bullied him etc? What should the school do when you, and other parents, keep calling the school that SOMETHING must be done to protect your child/ren? Who is at fault when the school responds to the threats of a number of parents to pull their children out of the school because of bullying, when they know that they will be the subject of a YWN mailbag rant if they leave it alone? (you see how well that worked, anyway). Not every school has the infrastructure to give individualized supervision. Chances are the school never figured that public school would be an option, By most frum families it wouldn’t be. ( Hashem should never test me, but I cannot imagine it being an option by me, even if it meant moving, or exploring other extreme options).

34. Edited: While there are always two sides to every story, we still have to acknowledge a serious communal shortcoming.
    Many of these problems stem from a single source: The inability to approach Torah and the teachings of Chazal in their pure form. Halevai that we should all strive to see the world the way the Vilna Gaon saw it.
    We often love pilpul. Everyone enjoys offering a chiddush and naturally believes their own understanding is correct. Sometimes, this is justified by saying that there are shivim panim laTorah. While that is true in SOME situations, it does not mean that personal feelings or cultural assumptions should become the basis for communal decisions.

    When decisions are shaped primarily by our own perspectives rather than by a complete submission to divrei Chazal, we run the risk of absorbing values from the surrounding culture ( whether old European or modern liberal American)—an outlook that is foreign to the Torah. When we recognize that we must guard ourselves from the influence of the culture of Esav, we come to appreciate that Judaism is built upon love, warmth, and genuine chessed—not political calculations, social pressures, or superficial values.
    Our approach should be firm where the Torah calls for firmness—resisting the influence of the culture of Esav—and open where the Torah calls for openness: in extending pure, sincere, and non-political chessed to every fellow Jew.

    My heartfelt bracha to the writer is that this difficult experience should become a catalyst for tremendous growth in avodas Hashem. May it strengthen your commitment to teshuvah, deepen your emunah, and bring you even closer to the Ribbono Shel Olam.

    When a person experiences pain or injustice, the yetzer hara seeks to turn that pain into distance from Hashem. Chas v’shalom, one may be tempted—whether consciously or unconsciously—to justify feelings of resentment or even rebellion, allowing the experience to weaken one’s connection with the Creator. But that is not the Torah’s path.

    The Torah teaches us to transform challenges into opportunities for growth. Rather than allowing hardship to define us, we should let it inspire us to become better ovdei Hashem, to serve as examples for our fellow Jews, and to bring greater love, kindness, and compassion into the world. This is true even when dealing with those who have caused us pain. Responding with dignity, ahavas Yisrael, and genuine chessed is among the greatest expressions of living according to the Torah.

    Hashem never overlooks such efforts. Every act of restraint, every moment of forgiveness, and every decision to choose the Torah’s path over personal hurt is precious before Him. He repays measure for measure, showering those who remain faithful with brachos beyond what they can imagine.

    May Hashem grant you the strength to continue on this path, and may all of us merit to live with the clarity of authentic Torah values. Through our teshuvah, ahavas Yisrael, and unwavering commitment to His will, may we be zocheh to the complete Geulah, במהרה בימינו, אמן.

35. No school is obligated to keep any child and that of course reserve the right to eject or refuse whoever they want BUT as Torah Jews there is a way to do things. You don’t ghost another Jew, be evasive, and disingenuous. You have the decency to be open and honest. In this case the leadership of the school acted in an underhanded way and without any integrity. Shame on them. Parents should be warned about STA. Nobody should have to go through this.

36. so, short story you were moser yidden to the government and this led to your children being raised by goyim.
    A Jewish father sends their son to cheder to learn Torah.

37. To some jew:

    You need to work on reading comprehension.

    The parents wanted their child in a Jewish school but the schools wouldn’t take them because they don’t have sufficient “pull”.
    People like you are the problem.

38. @eitang
    and then they said they were moser them to the DOE and that forced them to enlist their son:
    “We contacted our local Board of Education… we had to tell them the truth…if we don’t enroll our child, the DOE would send a summons.”

    these are not kosher jews if they send their kids to live with goyim.

39. Somejewsiknow

    What does that have to do with mesirah? They weren’t moser anyone or anything. They were looking out for their child who was unforgivably failed by the system.

    You are everything that is wrong with that segment of the community.

    You hurl baseless accusations and have zero empathy. I hope that you find yourself in the same situation some day and then we’ll see how glib you are.

40. I recently heard a compelling vort from Rav Malach. It addresses a profound question: Why do those who lead yeshivas so often find themselves traveling to raise money and basically living in a state of golus?

    The explanation offered is sobering. When one assumes responsibility for running a yeshiva, it becomes nearly impossible to not be
    הורג אדם בשגגה

    One must exercise the utmost care, for negligence in this role can destroy a soul and cause irreparable, long-term damage.

    I know of one Rosh Yeshiva who was known for wounding individuals under his authority. The issue was not merely the decision to accept or reject a student, but the manner in which it was carried out. Such decisions must be made with sensitivity and a deep sense of achrayus the profound responsibility one bears for another Jew, rooted in genuine care and concern.

    This individual, however, was notorious for the opposite: a conspicuous lack of care, even to the point of conveying that others held no value in his eyes. Recently, I encountered his grandchildren, many of whom are struggling with serious difficulties, including substance abuse. For someone so driven by status and reputation, this cannot be a source of pride.
    The lesson is clear: We must be exceedingly careful in our actions and words, particularly in positions of communal leadership and education. This is not a game. It concerns the eternal welfare of Jewish souls and the generational consequences of our choices.