Getting mad in front of your kids

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  • #607320

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    So I was driving my 3 year old to play group today, and we got stuck behind a garbage truck. For a long time. And I was in a hurry because we were running late and she was the shabbos abba today.

    When we finally got free, we drove a little further and got stuck again. Again. Another truck. Another big old dumb garbage truck moseying along with SDNY workers ambling back and forth to the garbage and stopping to shmooz in between.

    So my usual reaction if driving alone would be to get a bit frustrated. Maybe grit my teeth and say “aaaaaaaaah”.

    But instead my reaction was to just smile and not get annoyed, because I don’t want to teach my kid to get annoyed by things.

    But then I thought: No, this is annoying, and normal people are annoyed by this. In fact, I am annoyed by this. And my kid was annoyed by this (“Ima, why aren’t we going? I want to show everyone my shabbos abba outfit!”).

    So why should I teach my kid that when you are annoyed, you pretend you aren’t? That isn’t a good message. When you have an emotion, you should allow yourself to feel it. And if socially appropriate, you should express it. Then, you can also respond to it by telling yourself “it isn’t a big deal, it will take only 2 minutes, they won’t ask someone else to make kiddush and drink the whiskey and yell at the kids for fighting and go to sleep on the couch during the meal–just because she’s 5 minutes late”.

    And that is the proper way to deal with frustration–not to bury it and pretend it doesn’t exist.

    So I pounded the steering wheel and gritted my teeth and said “aaaaaah”. And she said, “ima, what are you doing?”. And I said, “I’m frustrated because this garbage truck is in our way.” But then waited a moment and said, “but, maybe it’s not such a big deal, they’ll wait for you and it will just take a minute.”

    (And would you believe it, those big fat jerks at the nursery didn’t wait for her! We walked in 5 minutes late and some other kid was swilling scotch and telling the other kids to shut up! I was so mad, I didn’t want to pretend to not be, so I grabbed the teacher’s chair and threw it through the window. Then I told my daughter, “maybe it’s not such a big deal, we don’t have to be so upset, they don’t teach you good middos at this school anyway. These teachers are a bunch of lazy good for nothings, and I’m going straight to yeshiva to yell at her husband in front of everyone.)

    #1016416

    Whiteberry
    Member

    That’s quite a progressive school your kid goes to. Cross dressing and underage drinking.

    #1016417

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Who said anything about cross dressing? She’s a she. And she’s wearing a dress.

    They use fake whiskey, obviously.

    #1016418

    Whiteberry
    Member

    Is that the official spin?

    #1016419

    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    I refuse to ask the obvious question. You’ll just have to answer it.

    #1016420

    squeak
    Participant

    ROTFLMKO!

    I assume the cross dressing thing is because she was slated to be the Abba in a dress.

    #1016421

    147
    Participant

    Nothing wrong with getting annoyed.

    Do you remember the Possuk in Mattos:- “vaYiktzof Moshe”? So if Moshe Rabbeinu could get mad & is still Moshe Rabbeinu, Kal v’Chomer that we have license to get mad.

    #1016422

    Wow!

    Popa, you’re an Ima????

    I never would’ve guessed!!

    #1016423

    WIY
    Member

    esther

    “Wow!

    Popa, you’re an Ima????

    I never would’ve guessed!!”

    It would seem that Mr and Mrs Popa use that account because the way a lot of the stuff is written seems very male and a lot of the Halachic knowledge seems like it comes from a male.

    #1016424

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I refuse to ask the obvious question. You’ll just have to answer it.

    Why is my daughter the shabbos abba? My daughter doesn’t go to a coed nursery, chas v’shalom. So they have one girl be the shabbos abba and one be the shabbos ima.

    #1016425

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    It would seem that Mr and Mrs Popa use that account because the way a lot of the stuff is written seems very male and a lot of the Halachic knowledge seems like it comes from a male.

    No, I’m just a “Yentel”.

    #1016426

    Whiteberry
    Member

    Very progressive.

    #1016427

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant
    #1016428

    Yserbius123
    Participant

    popa

    But your description says “perhaps” a women! That means you still may be Mr. Popa.

    #1016429

    superstar
    Member

    Whoa! Popa for along time I thought you were a young boy. Then finally I got used to you being a father with kids. Now I got the shock of my life- your a lady! It’s just so weird. Unless everything you say isn’t true… Now I’m really confused.

    #1016430

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Superstar, click on his screen name.

    Popa, great story, thanks for the bump.

    #1016431

    loca
    Member

    You should express emotion with words, not pound on steering wheels.

    #1016432

    oomis
    Participant

    Perfect opportunity to teach a child acceptable ways to show frustration and anger.

    #1016433

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Of course, that is what I do.

    I don’t twitch my face at all, and I say in a robotic monotone: I…am….upset.

    Is that how you show emotion?

    #1016434

    loca
    Member

    Oh I show looooooots of emotion when Im upset. I jump up and down in my seat. I sing loudly. I explain animatedly with hand gestures (not the rude kind) why I’m frustrated and how late I am. I discuss it with Gd and tell Him “Ha ha Hashem! Veeerrrrry funny!! THIS IS NOT FUNNY!PLLLLEEEEASE GET THIS DUDE OUT OF OUR WAY??” I tell myself “Chilll…. patience… have patience..” And other things that generally keep my car passengers entertained. I do not hit. I do not let out my frustration on objects. THAT is a bad message.

    #1016435

    nfgo3
    Member

    It takes a very small amount of strength to remain composed and calm in heavy traffic, which is admittedly an annoying situation. Parents should demonstrate to their children that they can deal with annoyance calmly. To deal with it otherwise is immature.

    #1016436

    nfgo3
    Member

    And one other thing – tardiness at a school for 3-year olds is not a serious matter, even for the Shabbos abba in a dress.

    #1016437

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Classic popa shtus.

    #1016438

    🐵 ⌨ Gamanit
    Participant

    My granddaugter was Shabbos Mommy today. She was so proud to be wearing a white tichel and apron… Of course teachers these days only let healthy nosh, but she was still excited about bringing something for her friends, even though it was only carrot cupcakes.

    #1016439

    oyyoyyoy
    Participant

    147- Nothing wrong with getting annoyed.

    Do you remember the Possuk in Mattos:- “vaYiktzof Moshe”? So if Moshe Rabbeinu could get mad & is still Moshe Rabbeinu, Kal v’Chomer that we have license to get mad.

    are you serious? i dont know your style guy but if this isnt a joke…

    #1016440

    oomis
    Participant

    Better to emulate Hillel most of the time, and our Avos and Moshe Rabbeinu ALL of the time. There IS an appropriate time and way to be angry. When we see injustice, or rishus, or immorality, we SHOULD be angry. Getting stuck in traffic should not be one of those causes, unless someone in the car is in labor or having some other type of medical emergency.

    #1016441

    DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Getting stuck in traffic should not be one of those causes, unless someone in the car is in labor or having some other type of medical emergency.

    Still shouldn’t be a cause to get angry.

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