Goq on Apologizing

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  • This topic contains 9 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  TheGoq 5 years ago.
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  • #613615

    TheGoq
    Participant

    What follows is not a mussar schmooze but rather a guide to apologizing.

    At this time of year we are given the opportunity to right our wrongs and ask our fellow man for forgiveness, to receive forgiveness we have to acknowledge our wrongdoing and sincerely apologize.

    Why do some people have difficulty apologizing? Well an apology is an admission of guilt and no one likes to acknowledge they were wrong, it is hard for some to tell their friend I was out of line for saying/doing what I did but I believe it is a necessary trait that can repair relationships if done correctly.

    I for most of my life have been a serial apologizer this comes from being made to feel guilty and responsible for all that went wrong in my family, even after years of therapy and realizing that most things were not my fault it was very hard to break the cycle of over apologizing, if you are 100% sure you did no wrong you are not obligated to apologize even if the other party believes you did but to judge this you have to be completely honest with yourself and analyze the thing that upset your friend.

    When customers at my store complain about things that are not my fault or not in my control I immediately apologize in full I am the representative of my company and if the customer feels they were wronged I am happy to apologize on behalf of the store.

    In closing just realize that we all of course make mistakes, mistakes that hurt others but we have the tool to heal the hurt it is a proper heartfelt apology.

    At this time I would like to apologize to anyone in the coffee room I may have hurt with what I may have felt at the time was a harmless joke or comment but in actuality it was insensitive and wrong of me please be mochel me.

    Also please forgive me for referring to myself in the third person how gaivadik! so sorry.

    #1031717

    oomis
    Participant

    Goq – not even possible for you to be offensive.

    #1031718

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    I’m sorry you_______________is usually a deliberate insult. Except if it refers to something that has nothing to do with the speaker.

    #1031719

    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    Just on a side note, you wrote:

    When customers at my store complain about things that are not my fault or not in my control I immediately apologize in full I am the representative of my company and if the customer feels they were wronged I am happy to apologize on behalf of the store.

    See the website Not Always Right dot com where there are many stories of when the customer is not always right!

    #1031720

    TheGoq
    Participant

    True Sidi there are times when the customers can be boorish and in those circumstances i do not apologize i just finish the transaction as fast as possible and let them go on their way.

    #1031721

    kapusta
    Participant

    kapusta on apologizing:

    Don’t be a jerk in the first place and then you don’t need to apologize at all. See how simple it really is?

    *pet peeve alert*

    *kapusta*

    #1031722

    golfer
    Participant

    Nice, kapusta.

    But no, not simple.

    Our Creator knows that we are a different entity than Malachim, angels.

    And we are intrinsically programmed to fail, to mess up, to make mistakes.

    That’s the reason we were given the obligation and gift of doing Teshuva.

    You may feel peeved that your fellow human beings misbehave.

    But you have to realize that you were put on this earth to coexist with humans, not with angels.

    Try to be tolerant of their shortcomings.

    And if you happen to have any of your own, and have behaved not so nicely toward someone else, apologize!

    #1031723

    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    But I’m absolutely perfect, so why can’t anyone else be?

    #1031724

    kapusta
    Participant

    golfer-

    ok, third try here. You’re certainly right that a wronged party should try to forgive as best they can. I was referring to repeat offenders of simple things lacking basic mentchlichkeit. It’s not about the wronged party forgiving, it’s about the wrongdoer learning to take care to be a mentch. You know what they say, do it right the first time and then you don’t need to do it over. Yes, mistakes happen, but like they also say, the second time isn’t a mistake anymore.

    *kapusta*

    #1031725

    TheGoq
    Participant

    Kapusta is right that when one apologizes in part it is a promise that they will not do the wrongdoing again.

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