HELP!!! How do I make a shidduch resume?!?!?!

Home Coffeeroom Shidduchim HELP!!! How do I make a shidduch resume?!?!?!

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  • #600558

    calorie
    Member

    So basically im the daughter of bt’s who know absolutely NOTHING about shidduchim. obviously the whole research and all that stuff is going to be done with a lot of help from Hashem and probably a rebetzin that i know. HOWEVER, i have NO idea where to start in making my shidduch resume!!! i live out of town, and idk… i have no clue how to make it! plus, a shidduch was kindov redd so i really have to get a move on this resume business!

    #915163

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    It should look like this:

    CALORIE

    1234 torah lane, lakewood NJ 98765

    732-666-6666

    Height 6’3″ DOB- 11/15/94

    Education:

    Bais yaakov

    BJJ

    MIT

    Currently:

    Science Chair at (insert name of university)

    Parents:

    Adam Calorie- tender of gardens

    Chava Calorie- Snake charmer

    Synagogue affiliation:

    Young Israel of Lakewood, Rabbi Sara

    References:

    shprintza yoilish, 718-666-6666 (teacher at BJJ)

    yoilisha shprintz, 917-555-5555 (married friend)

    Barak Obama, 202-456-1111 (parents friend)

    If you want, you can add in a personality section, which should say this:

    Calorie is bright, outgoing, thoughtful and considerate, warm, friendly, engaging, great sense of humor, creative, articulate and compassionate.

    (If you want long term learning, just take out the line about going to work.)

    #915164

    golden mom
    Member

    u have to write basics full name, what u r called by, parents names, where they work, shul affiliated with, schools u attended, hight, sibliges, how many who they married, in short what u are looking for, and references

    #915165

    kapusta
    Participant

    I never did one but I’ve seen a couple (a long time ago) so this probably isn’t perfect but its something to go on.

    Name (you can include a middle name in parenthesis if you like)

    Height

    Age (some people right the month/year they were born to keep things easier)

    Parents names and jobs (write your mothers maiden name if you like)

    Siblings (including ages and schools/what they do now and spouses if applicable)

    Your school/seminary/college/what you did summers (possibly with years)

    What you do now

    A short paragraph about yourself

    A short paragraph describing what you’re looking for

    References- two friend, one former teacher, one family friend

    My personal opinion- Don’t include a picture but it’s best to have one prepared. For the friend refs, its best for everyone to give married friends.

    Hatzlacha!

    *kapusta*

    #915166

    why should your shidduch be dependant on WHO your siblings married???? It makes me sick!

    Ok who your parents and family are is understandable because sort of gives an idea on how you were raised etc…, but if the family your sibling married into is totally not your type why should you be judged majorly on that… It doesn’t represent who YOU are! Sick Sick and SICK!!!!

    #915167

    SaysMe
    Member

    ice cream- possibly you are overreacting? I found it interesting you only picked at the point of who your siblings married and not what they do or what schools they went to. What harm is there is hearing who your family is, including your siblings in law? Is that so different than hearing who your siblings are? And what if someone rejected the way they were raised? Or if you are different than your siblings or family? None of that represents you, but it still is part of who you are.

    #915168

    automatically the shadchan thinks of prospects similar to what the others in the family got… the other information is fine since it does make up who you are, for example a teacher gives a class a project to do on exactly the same thing. every kid has to do sth origional, one kid shares with another his/her plans, inevitably that is stuck in his mind and whatever idea he thinks of psychologically he will always come up with turning similar ideas around in his mind similar to his friends’… same with shadchanim, share your ‘ideas’ and they won’t come up with anything origionally specifically designed for the girl/boy, but rather the inspiration will be based on the “other ideas”.. get the gist? that’s why this practice of writing machutunim in resume’s should be banned unless you are looking for a similar type.

    #915169

    aaahhh Ummmmm ummm um um www-w-why nnnnot aaaaadd mmmmy llllooooser and nerd thread to your resume…lol:)

    btw: i really do stutter somemost of the time.

    should I write that in mine? i should also add that I’m not quite sure of myself…

    #915170

    rc
    Member

    Ice Cream…I don’t think your siblings’ spouses define YOU or your family, (well they do your family) but by naming them it gives pple more of a chance of connecting to you. Like oh yeh the Joneses i know them from the bungalow colony, or Chani Smith interesting, her father’s brother is a mechutan to my mechutan’s aunt. you know, that kind of thing. connections are what make pple feel comfortable, and what makes pple say yes eventually!!!

    #915171

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    why should your shidduch be dependant on WHO your siblings married???? It makes me sick!

    Ok who your parents and family are is understandable because sort of gives an idea on how you were raised etc…, but if the family your sibling married into is totally not your type why should you be judged majorly on that… It doesn’t represent who YOU are! Sick Sick and SICK!!!!

    You say that who your parents and family are is understandable, because it gives an idea of how you were raised. So isn’t who your family married part of who they are?

    The short answer though is, that in this process, we are doing way too much with way too little information. So anything that can help that information gap is helpful.

    #915172

    BTGuy
    Participant

    Hi calorie. Hatzlacha!! We are very excited for you!!

    #915173

    calorie
    Member

    Thanks guys, i really appreciate it!!

    and poppa, i said we’re bt’s, not reform…… rabbi sara is not in our lives anymore! lol

    also, how does it work with giving it out?

    is someone gonna call my parents and say, “we’re interested, fax us her resume”? or am i actually supposed to give it to ppl?

    #915174

    bpt
    Participant

    Poppa has it down, more or less, but what he failed to mention (which IMHO) is the deal maker / breaker:

    * What is on your iPod ?

    * What does your potato kugel taste like?

    * Can you rollerblade? (if not, are you willing to learn how)

    Once this is known about you, the other details (fam, friends, schools, shuls) are just to keep his parents busy.

    What he needs to know about you can be determined by the 3 questions listed here

    #915175

    oomis
    Participant

    The first thing you do is recognize that it is not a resume. You are not applying for a job. It is a succint profile of your life, which b’kitzur should tell about you, your personality, likes and dislikes a very brief physical description (NOT to include how much you weigh), the general makeup of your family, where you daven and went to school, as well as what you are doing currently.

    You should include what you are looking for in a shidduch, and if there are things you absolutely do NOT want (i.e. a pet-owner or smoker). Try to write in an upbeat manner, in a way that sets your profile apart from the 1,000 others that people see. Hatzlacha rabbah.

    #915176

    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    I was going to say that popa very surprisingly left out weight and eye-color. But oomis did add in the type of makeup you and your family use.

    #915177

    Sam2
    Participant

    I thought they never put weight on these things on purpose.

    #915178

    bpt
    Participant

    “type of makeup you and your family use”

    Mods are allowed to have a sense of humor?

    Good one!

    #915179

    popa_bar_abba The zip code of lakewood NJ is 08701 in fact 98765 doesn’t even exist

    #915180

    rebdoniel
    Member

    I’d stress accomplishments- academic, professional, and Jewish. Do you ever work as a baal tefillah? Do you lein? Give shiurim? Write chaburot? You get the idea.

    #915181

    SaysMe
    Member

    This name is already taken- what joy do you get from bumping old old threads by responding to trivial points in them? I honestly don’t understand the excitement in doing it

    #915182

    rebdoniel
    Member

    I am so sorry- I responded without realizing you were a girl.

    In your case, definitely include things like chesed activities, though. Good guys will be attracted to that.

    I am a BT myself and feel that the best way to have a good resume is to simply develop as much as possible, through learning and concrete life accomplishments, like going through Shas.

    #915183

    OP: You shouldn’t worry about being the child of baalei teshuva. FFB people don’t have a mesorah of shidduch resumes either.

    I think it should be something like a job resume. You put in your basic information, like your interests, what you’re looking for, the people you’ve been married to before, and why you think that you’d be a good match for this position.

    #915186

    Wisey
    Participant

    Why isn’t there just one thread where people discuss issues relating to shiduchin? Does everyone want their question to recieve personal attention? Maybe a common thread would recieve more attention if everyone who wanted to discuss these matters just posted in one place.

    #915187

    Why isn’t there just one thread discussing parenting, and one thread discussing halacha, etc?

    Because that’s not what a forum is for!!

    #915188

    Wisey
    Participant

    Maybe I’m wrong but it seems that must of the shidduch q’s are the same; resumes, what to look for, saying no, saying yes.

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