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Lesson of bitochon in SHIDDUCHIM...

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  1. Chup
    Joseph's Chup Has Been Blocked

    I dated a certain guy alittle while back aproximately almost a year ago... For what ever reason he decided to drop the shidduch. I was extremely hurt back then, I don't think I have been hurt that deeply in my entire life. the type of angiush that I felt, I can't even begin to describe. Anyway life carried on I dated others since then and eventually this guy just about left my mind... Although everytime I am reminded of that rejection, the hurt replenishes itself into the depths of my soal.

    2 nights ago I had a dream, that is kind of a little vauge now...In my dream I was married with aproximately 3 kids. this guy's sister who I dated was living in the apartment above/below-(can't remeber the exact detail) mine, with about 5 kids. (please note over here that I don't really have anything to do with his sister in real life). In midst of some sort of conversation between both of us I said a comment that really hurt her. In my dream I was able to see the extremities of the pain that I caused her... No matter how many times I asked her for mechila she could not possibly rid herself the anguish she felt toward me. Throughout the duration of my sleep, I felt the guilt rising up from beneith my bones. I felt terrible..To cut a long story short, Eventually she disapeared from my life...-I never had the chance to get a sincere mechila...-

    I felt this dream was a matona from hashem. We never know why certain things occur. Now that I'm replaying my expirience from aproximately a year ago, the hurt still relinquishes itself, with a twingle of reassurance that every detail is for a devine purpose.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  2. always runs with scissors fast
    irons with spray starch

    thats weird.

    Are you saying that you feel now more calm and at peace about your original hurt, since having had that dream?

    Maybe the dream is suppose to inspire you to forgive him.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  3. photogenic
    Member

    Very interesting. I was in a very slightly similar situation regarding the dating experience you had (albeit with many more differences.) One source of consolation is that Hashem is pulling the strings. Which leads me to have pure faith that He is leading me to the right one-and you as well.
    Im not sure about the dream. Personally many dreams I had were just random subconscious throughts, however I heard that a dream is what you interpret it as. This seems to be you interpretation and I guess that if its a possibility that his sister was hurt, is there any way to contact her? That may be an interesting thought. Especially since it seems that quite some time has passed by.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  4. individual
    Member

    I have found my dreams to sometimes be just random thoughts, but at times its the closest link to my true self, and will tell me what I need to do for success. which is often the key to self growth. I don't know if I can explain exactly what it is, but sometimes the greatest clarity comes from my dreams. I can see things in a different undisturbed perspective.
    That leads me to another question that I've been thinking about a lot lately. What if you are on the side that did the "breaking up", is it appropriate to ask mechila years later? I still am unsure if it was done in the most sensitive way.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  5. Chup
    Joseph's Chup Has Been Blocked

    photogenic: "I guess that if it's a possibility that his sister was hurt, is there any way to contact her? That may be an interesting thought. Especially since it seems that quite some time has passed by."
    -She will have nooo idea what I'm talking about as that scenareo in my dream never played it'self in real life, so if there is sth that I need to recon for and ask forgiveness, I am guessing that my rejection paid for it...

    individual: "What if you are on the side that did the breaking up, Is it appropriate to ask mechila years later? I still am unsure if it was done in the most sensitive way."
    -If you honestly felt you were not bashert for each other, and you tried to do it in the most sensitive way, then it's up to the person that you broke up with to see it as being min hashamayim. You did your part by making sure to be sensitive to the other person's feelings so there is no reason to ask mechila. If that person is upset, which is 100% natural for a human reaction, it is up to them to face that nisoyon and rise above human nature, After all that is what we are here for.. In addition to that i'll also suggest that asking mechila would just open up closed wounds...

    Posted 2 years ago #
  6. gregaaron
    Member

    Rejection hurts, but it sure beats being married to the wrong person.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  7. individual
    Member

    Thank you Chup and gregaaron you are so right. I felt so sorry that it hurt him so much, but I knew it had to be done, and I do not reget my decision, but there is no really good way to do it. BH he got married to someone a lot more apropriate for him. I have a friend who went through a few intense break-ups, and she told me later that her husband is better for her than any of her previous almost husbands.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  8. Chup
    Joseph's Chup Has Been Blocked

    They say a guy has a harsher blow when it comes to rejection, then a girl does.. Although I'm not sure why... -Does anyone know why? Logically speaking it should be visa versa.. no??

    Posted 2 years ago #
  9. photogenic
    Member

    Chup-I got it.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  10. photogenic
    Member

    And breakups/rejection can be really tough. Good thing to pray for Rosh Hashana- that Hashem should guide us to our true Bashert with revealed Blessings and Clarity on the way. And that we avoid the heartache that comes from breakups.

    Posted 2 years ago #
  11. sea shells
    Blocked

    Interesting one...

    Posted 2 years ago #
  12. sea shells
    Blocked

    chup, I didn't know you were dating joseph... How come you didn't tell me...:(

    Posted 2 years ago #

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