RSS
thanks for all the responses and support everyone
yoshi- I'm happy I'm in this state young but what if I still feel this way when I'm older? And I know you said I'm not alone but I feel that way, I have reached out and experienced the worst thing; rejection, I dont want to have to beg for help, I want someone to care, I kind of dont want to be this way and thats a good thing and I should be easier to help if someone just cared. I am just starting college so hopefully that will take up some time. Thanks so much, I will take up your offer and contact you.
Feif Un- I have one thing diffrent from you is that I'm a girl so the guys did care about me for different reasons, I have nothing to do with that crowd anymore, but they did protect me and wouldnt let me take drugs. I cant go on kiruv shabbatonim because my parents cant know about this, I dont want them hurting the way mothers on this site are. The ironic things is I used to teach and tutor in JEP and other kiruv orginizations.
Bentzy 18- Thank you so much for your support. For the first time in my life I have a really good therapist that i started going to 4 weeks, and for once i really fell like I'm making progress, but I have so many issues that we hardly even talk about the abuse and because shes modern Orthodox we dont really talk about religion. Thanks for all the sites, I will check them when i have more time.
YWN Coffee Room » Out Of The Mailbag
Treatment of teens off the derech
(86 posts)-
Posted 1 year ago #
-
I had an idea which i repeat, is just an idea, and i'm not sure if this was brought up at all since i havent been following this topic too religiously but i would imagine some teens go off because they dont get answers to their questions and most schools dont really offer any kind of formal class where its possible to ask and be answered so i was thinking maybe it would be worth the schools having a class like once or twice a month which would go under the name of "kiruv-training" or something like that and would be directly geared to answering questions that teens have (which are often the same as those of baalei teshuva) the questions could be asked in a way where no one would be embarrassed since its not just a side point of the lesson but a class actually intended for questions and dealing with those kind of "issues". in addition it would possibly help for teens to have somewhat of an interest in kiruv even if it would only be used down the road
Posted 1 year ago # -
As a parent I don't think your parents would hurt at all from a kiruv Shabbaton. Don't they know about the therapist? Do they know about the abuse? Maybe I shouldn't speak for mothers who are experiencing this but if it's not too presumptious, as a mother I would be thrilled to see you getting involved in any authentic Jewish way, even if off the beaten track. And a lot of FFBs from fairly uncomplicated situations thrive on the so called kiruv Shabbatons. Just focus on doing what's going to help you grow. That will give your parents nachas.
Posted 1 year ago # -
abcd1234 - In Neve, they have a similar idea in some of the classes, but the questions aren't asked aloud, The students would write their questions on a piece of paper, and put in a box, so when the Rabbi would read the question, it would be anonymous, and no one had to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. -I agree with you 100% about having a class here in the states for the sole purpose of questions the students have on anything they may be confused about, or understand further. I just wish they had something like this back when I was in school...
Posted 1 year ago # -
Teenager, I'm glad to help in any way that I can. I'm really glad as well that you have a therapist to help you work things out. In our case the progress was slow but steady. The realtive who was living with us was able to grow out of his issues and to see the world as a much better place. As for the abuse, while I think it is very imprortant that you deal with it and get some sort of closure on it, it is not wise to rush the process any faster then you are ready for it. You just have to make sure when the time does come to deal with it, that you do so that you can move forward.
As for your parents, you seem to be in a bind. On one hand you don't want to hurt them but on the other, you are (possibly) cutting off an avenue of support that will help you in your struggles. Unless they are responsible for the abuse I don't see why you can't involve them on some level. This doesn't mean that you have to tell them everything about where you are holding in yiddishkeit, but you can say to either one of them that you are having difficulty with certain concepts. There is a Rabbi in Monsey (Rabbi Ezriel Tauber) Who deals with Kiruv for "frum" people. Many religous jews go for a spiritual boost and he has been helpfull in connecting many non religoius individuals as well. Here is a link to some of his lectures, http://www.aishaudio.com/ssi/aish/speaker/rabbi-ezriel-tauber.php. He is also known to answer the tough questions that people may ask. If you go to Eichlers, he has many books out there that you might emjoy as well (I'm sure many lending librarys would have his material as well) This is a viable source for you to look into, without having to worry your parents. However, you wanting to sheild them from pain is commendable, but they are your parents and may just rather to be upset a little for the short term then having to find out later that you have had many unresolved problems for many years.
One last thing, if your parents were the ones responsible for you abuse, (and we don't need to know this bit) you have the right to deal with this despite the fact that they might be hurt in the process. Obviously you are not looking to go out of your way to hurt them but you need to heal also. When the time comes speak with you therapist who will help you walk through the process and deal with the abuse (this goes for whom ever abused you)
ABCD123: While I would say rejection is one of the biggest, but you are right that it's a big source of frustration to be told that you can't ask valid questions and have to rely on a faith system that you don't understand. Knowing the reasons for why we keep shabbos, keep kosher, cover our hair, put on tallis and teffilin will only serve to make the mitzvah all that more special. We as adults have to stop being afraid of either saying that we don't know the reason or that tough questions will lead a person off the derech.
As for Yeshivos and Beis Yaakovs, I'm sure they are out there. When we look for a high school for our kids we might want to ask straight out if there will be Rebbiem that our children can go to in order to ask tough questions. Or at least lead them to someone who will.
Posted 1 year ago # -
tzippi- my parents wouldnt hurt from a kiruv sshabbaton but they dont know im off the derech and i dont plan on telling them
bentzy18- yea i am happy im in therapy and shes beyond amazing but its not a quick fix and sometimes it just gets to hard to continue on, I'm scared of telling my parents, more than just protecting me I'm scared of how they will handle it and that they might get angry which will hurt me and trun me off and they have enough on their plate, my mother just got diagnosed with cancer and they dont need this on top of everything, I will continue to try to handle it myself, they are not responsible for the abuse, diffrent types of abuse happened with diffrent people,but I was raped by a family member and I cant tell them that, they cant know tihis, Im used to being alone despite how much it hurts, my boyfriends my main support he made me frum again but he doesnt know that I still have problems and questions about Judiasm that nobody will answer.Posted 1 year ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.
