There are times that one of my kids is sitting on a chair, goes away for a bit of time and then when they come back and another kid is sitting on the chair, they demand to get back "their" chair.
Same thing with reading a magazine.
Often an argument follows as to who should get it.
Who do you think is right?
Rabbi Avigdor Miller says you should not let kids physically fight
I don't really have a real answer except to say it depends on the circumstances. If the original one sitting got up to momentarily use the bathroom and another took his seat, than the second one, I would think, should vacate. On the other hand, if the original one sitting leaves their seat to attend to another activity (play elsewhere, etc) and merely claims the seat as his for as long as he wants, than I guess that's wrong. Obviously this is not a halachik response. Maybe they need to learn to announce "I'll be right back, I'm sitting here" so it becomes official.
flower, what do YOU think? I would say it depends on what YOUR house rules are. If your children are having issues like these, it would be productive to have a family meeting, discuss these things, and agree on house rules. Then write them down and post them. At the time of the meeting you should also discuss what the consequences are for breaking the rules. In other words, if the child who breaks the rules gets a time out, goes to their room, loses a privilege, etc. You can also discuss things such as "if you see your sibling reading the book or magazine ask if they are done with it" or "if you are reading a book or magazine put a placeholder in so someone else would know that you are not done with it. If there is no place holder in it, then it is up for grabs".
By discussing these issues with the kids and making house rules, you are discussing the importance of having "Respect" and consideration for one and other. Establishing this in young children at a very early age is important because you are establishing a foundation for respect and consideration for each aspect and relationship of their life.
For instance, if you are sitting on a chair in shul and you get up and walk away not leaving a siddur, sweater, hat or asking anyone sitting next to you to mind your seat because you are coming right back, do you have a right to tell or even ask someone to get up and give "your" seat back to you when or if you return? If you had already established rules in the home this would not be an issue. It would seem rather rude to ask someone to get off a "public" chair in shul unless it is a makom kavuah and everyone knows that is your chair. Basically everyone would have the same right to that chair. So having established the rules of respect and courtesy in home early in childhood, there would be no such issue with that child outside the home as they grow up.
Is mentioning R' Avigdor Miller in the CR a red flag?
rb: it's sad that respected talmidei chachamim are being demeaned in this way. At first I thought it was stupidity; now I'm beginning to see there's malicious intent
Choc - Yup, Nebach.
Michael- thanks for making us aware of that, cuz we moms usually do let our kids fight physically, even violently.
We actually BEG them to fight nonstop.
flower: I usually tell my kids that everything in Totty and Mommy's house belongs to Totty and Mommy. And that we share our things with you. In a situation like this, i'd tell child B that child A had it first and next time would be their turn. For now, when my children are young, they listen. I dont know if this would work with 7 or 8 yr olds; although i do hope that by that time my children will have learned a thing or two. :)
Brisk go back in time to Brisk in 1941 and tell me how you get on?
p.s if you can
chocopaitence
eat tons of chocolates, don't stop
tell me what happens
p.s if you can
Miritchka, if a child got up to go to the bathroom, I would say that child had the chair first. If a child got up to go play in another room, I would say you can't reserve the chair for the whole day. So it would still depend on the circumstances, hence the house rules. So there is a difference if a child left the chair, book, toy or whatever for 5-10 minutes or half hour to an hour.
aries2756: thats true. I understood the OP as the child going to the bathroom.
MichaelC: You didn’t answer my question.
mommamia22: What your saying makes sense.
Aries: Thank you. I like the idea of having a meeting and setting rules down.
Putting something in a book or magazine will be problematic since once left there, at any time, that kid can complain that it’s hers. I think if the kid is reading a magazine, as oppose to a book, if she goes to do another activity, anyone should be able to continue looking at it, even if 5 minutes later, the kid comes back claiming she was reading it and should get it back.
As for chairs, the problem usually arises Shabbos morning. When we start the seudah, if one kid was sitting there in the morning, she may complain it’s her seat for the seudah. So I can make it a rule, that when we start the seudah, that is when you get the seat for the duration of the seudah, it doesn’t make a difference if an hour before you were using that seat. As for doing homework, only if the kid has school material on the table in front of the chair, will it “belong” to her. Otherwise she has to use another chair.
Miritcha: If the kid just went to the bathroom, then I would say she has the “right” to it. Usually the problem arises when it’s longer than a few minutes. And you’re right. It’s much less of a problem when they get older.
It depends which type of kid it is and which type of person -you are.
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