Is this fair?

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    Today I read an article about pregnancy and what pregnant women should do to have healthy pregnancies and childbirths.

    In said article, the author recommended staying away from anyone who talks about her unpleasant childbirth experience and other types of “toxic people,” to avoid feeling fear and worry over one’s expected childbirth experience.

    Is this fair? Okay so yes it’s a sensitive time and any trauma can pass on to the child thanks to epigenetics. Still, if someone is simply offering an adverse experience, maybe it would actually help to listen to differing stories. That way, a woman who is pregnant can better prepare herself, just in case, and G-d helping it won’t be necessary.

    I heard that even normal healthy childbirth can be traumatic when there is so much going on in a hospital.

    What do you think? If everyone and everything around you says that childbirth will be wonderful and easy happy, is that better than getting a glimpse of reality? Maybe someone can pray with more kavanah?

    Then again, I have never been pregnant, so maybe I am being unrealistic and the reality is that it’s more likely best to focus on the positive, pray, and let life unfold. What do you think?

    Thank you 🙂


    Avram in MD

    It’s the same principle as your point in the thread you opened about graphic images on YWN. The fear and tension generated by such birth horror stories outweighs any benefit of knowing all those details.



    Yes it is good to be aware of the pitfalls and potential problems. But the best way to become aware of them is through reading articles or books, like you were doing. When you become aware of it through hearing someone else’s traumatic horror stories many people get much more worried, and its much more graphic. All that is necessary is the yedioh.

    As Rashi says: “משל לחולה שנכנס אצלו רופא אמר לו אל תאכל צונן ואל תשכב בטחב בא אחר ואמר לו אל תאכל צונן ואל תשכב בטחב שלא תמות כדרך שמת פלוני זה זרזו יותר מן הראשון” – sometimes this extra ziruz can be harmful. In Rashi’s case there is some concrete hishtadlus which can be done and which will solve the problem. If there is no definite problem it will just cause worry, as your article warns



    would you recommend telling someone about to fly for the first time all the airplane disasters and crashes?

    Pregnant women have 9 months of worrying and obsessing, they know childbirth will not be easy, but they don’t need to hear horror stories about the things that can chas v’shalom go wrong. It’s not about ignoring reality- after all they go for regular Dr’s check-ups and do the necessary tests – but why introduce unnecessary fear?



    Women have delicate constitutions, so we should treat them delicately, especially when they are with child.



    WinnieThePooh: You said, “would you recommend telling someone about to fly for the first time all the airplane disasters and crashes?”

    Omgosh!!! Okay… that makes sense!! Wow, that would be an awful thing to do.. gosh 🙂


    Avram in MD: Thanks, but in my opinion, it’s not the same. Pictures of a bloody horrific murder isn’t the same as someone telling of his or her experience. If that person then showed me a collection of all of the events that transpired along with the terror, then okay. However, images, or seeing the trauma takes it to another level. Either way, I do get what you’re saying here. Thank you 🙂



    Correction… I said his or her experience here… obviously I meant her, because we’re talking about a woman. 🙂



    Men with expecting wives are said to experience a lot of the mood swings and stress along with their wives.



    Some people just like to kvetch. Some people will heartlessly scare you with horror stories because it somehow makes them feel better. Maybe they feel like, if they can talk about this, then it demonstrates how strong they are. If such people have given birth then they might needlessly upset first-time mothers with chatter about their own bad experiences. Those people are the ones that the article in your opening post refers to.

    If a mother has had bad experiences while giving birth, but she can use it to offer advice to other expectant women, then it’s good for her to share her thoughts.



    Men should not be commenting on this thread. As my wife would say, “No uterus – no opinion.”



    People who are poor should not complain about the actions of the wealthy. No trust fund, no opinion.

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