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Quote and 1 Liner Mashups

(88 posts)
  • Started 1 year ago by This name is already taken
  • Latest reply from RebYidd23

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  1. This name is already taken
    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren't listed.

    BYEnglish- Thanx for the lesson in english, However I think we should leave this title Because no one in the CR know s what paraprosdokians
    means besides you (and now me)

    "I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat."
    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
    "You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing—after they have tried everything else."

    Posted 1 year ago #
  2. spiral
    Member

    Paraprosdokians(from Greek," meaning "beyond" and "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part:

     A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
     A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
     A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
     A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
     A fool and his money are soon elected.
     Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
     Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk there is a work station.
     Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
     Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
     Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
     Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
     Going to shul doesn’t make you a tzaddik any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
     Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
     How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
     I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila
     I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
     I didn’t say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you.
     I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
     I used to be conceited, but now I’m perfect.
     I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
     I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
     If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
     If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
     I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
     In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR’.
     Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
     Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
     Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
     She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.
     . Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright
    until you hear them speak..
     Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
     Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
     The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket.
     There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs … my favorite is Nestle’s.
     There’s a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
     Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
     To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
     To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
     War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
     We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
     When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
     Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
     Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
     Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Posted 1 year ago #
  3. frummy in the tummy
    if it isn't cholent, it's just not yummy (unless it's beer)

    spiral - lulz. But you clearly copied many of them, considering your repeat of one of the jokes :P

    p.s. don't worry, I copy these kinds of jokes all the time

    Posted 1 year ago #
  4. This name is already taken
    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren't listed.

    frummy in the tummy - lulz. But you clearly copied many of them, considering your repeat of one of the jokes I saw at least 2 doubles
    spiral-most of them were sayings, the point of this thread is to distort them

    Posted 1 year ago #
  5. mky
    Member

    Something my grandmother A"H used to say:

    "When you are well you have so many problems but when you are sick you have just one."

    Posted 1 year ago #
  6. syeshiva
    Member

    @frummt in the tummy:
    I ABSOLUTELY did not copy anything. So don't try to rationalize and say "you do it too" , because even though you do, I most definately do not.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  7. Syag Lchochma
    Talmidah of Rebbe Akiva

    woops, wrong screen name

    Posted 1 year ago #
  8. puppy
    always try to make it look like the dog did it

    God will punish the wicked. And before he does, i will.
    You shall love your crooked neighbor with your crooked heart.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  9. Nechomah
    Member

    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    My answer - Because all of the garbage from the advertisements would fill too many landfills and no one would be able to talk on the phone because of all of the automated phone calls persuading them to vote for one of the 50 candidates. Can you imagine a debate on that scale?

    Posted 1 year ago #
  10. tzaddiq
    Member

    When life gives you lemons, unscramble and make melons :)

    Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a night.
    Set a man on fire and you will keep him warm for the rest of his life.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  11. Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 1 year ago #
  12. BaalHabooze
    On the rocks

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 1 year ago #
  13. This name is already taken
    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren't listed.

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 1 year ago #
  14. This name is already taken
    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren't listed.

    BYEnglish- Thanx for the lesson in english, However I think we should leave this title Because no one in the CR know s what paraprosdokians
    means besides you (and now me)

    "I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat."
    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
    "You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing—after they have tried everything else."

    Posted 4 days ago #

    spiral
    Member

    Paraprosdokians(from Greek," meaning "beyond" and "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part:

     A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
     A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
     A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
     A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
     A fool and his money are soon elected.
     Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
     Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk there is a work station.
     Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
     Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
     Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
     Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
     Going to shul doesn’t make you a tzaddik any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
     Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
     How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
     I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila
     I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
     I didn’t say it was your fault, I just said I was blaming you.
     I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
     I used to be conceited, but now I’m perfect.
     I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
     I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
     If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
     If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
     I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
     In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR’.
     Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
     Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
     Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
     She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.
     . Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright
    until you hear them speak..
     Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
     Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
     The car stopped on a dime, which unfortunately was in a pedestrian’s pocket.
     There’s a bunch of different crunches that affect the abs … my favorite is Nestle’s.
     There’s a fine line between cuddling, and holding someone down so they can't get away.
     Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
     To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
     To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
     War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
     We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
     When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
     Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
     Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
     Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Posted 4 days ago #

    frummy in the tummy
    Member

    spiral - lulz. But you clearly copied many of them, considering your repeat of one of the jokes :P

    p.s. don't worry, I copy these kinds of jokes all the time

    Posted 4 days ago #

    This name is already taken
    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren't listed.

    frummy in the tummy - lulz. But you clearly copied many of them, considering your repeat of one of the jokes I saw at least 2 doubles
    spiral-most of them were sayings, the point of this thread is to distort them

    Posted 3 days ago #

    mky
    Member

    Something my grandmother A"H used to say:

    "When you are well you have so many problems but when you are sick you have just one."

    Posted 3 days ago #

    syeshiva
    Member

    @frummt in the tummy:
    I ABSOLUTELY did not copy anything. So don't try to rationalize and say "you do it too" , because even though you do, I most definately do not.

    Posted 3 days ago #

    Syag Lchochma
    Tell it to me, and I will tell you if its Loshon Hara :)

    woops, wrong screen name

    Posted 3 days ago #

    puppy
    Member

    God will punish the wicked. And before he does, i will.
    You shall love your crooked neighbor with your crooked heart.

    Posted 3 days ago #

    Nechomah
    Member

    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    My answer - Because all of the garbage from the advertisements would fill too many landfills and no one would be able to talk on the phone because of all of the automated phone calls persuading them to vote for one of the 50 candidates. Can you imagine a debate on that scale?

    Posted 3 days ago #

    tzaddiq
    Member

    When life gives you lemons, unscramble and make melons :)

    Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a night.
    Set a man on fire and you will keep him warm for the rest of his life.

    Posted 3 days ago #

    Yekke Mitt a Gartel
    Member

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 2 days ago #

    BaalHabooze
    On the rocks

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 2 days ago #

    This name is already taken
    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren't listed.

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 1 day ago #

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    Posted 1 year ago #
  15. frummy in the tummy
    if it isn't cholent, it's just not yummy (unless it's beer)

    ctrl+a
    ctrl+c
    ctrl+v

    Simple, yet effective. haha

    Posted 1 year ago #
  16. Wisey
    inventor of banana mush

    I tried I failed. I tried again I failed better
    Rabbi Friedler- one who reaches for the stars may not reach them but forsure he wont end up with a handful of mud.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  17. BaalHabooze
    On the rocks

    ~Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

    ~Forgive your enemy but remember the idiot’s name.

    ~Help someone when they're in trouble and they'll remember you when they’re in trouble again.

    ~Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  18. "Only those who achieve the impossible can attempt the absurd"
    "When life gives you lemons make Lemon juice"

    '

    Posted 1 year ago #
  19. artsy
    Member

    When life gives you melons, you're dyslexic.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  20. uneeq
    Ironically, redundant subtitles can be redundantly ironic.

    No pain, no pain.

    Life is a bowl of cherries, school is a bowl of pits.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  21. uneeq
    Ironically, redundant subtitles can be redundantly ironic.

    Its as easy as driving a car off a cliff.

    When life gives you lemons, create lemons jokes ad nauseum.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  22. A joke is like a frog...
    ...I love dissecting frogs

    Posted 1 year ago #
  23. frummy in the tummy
    if it isn't cholent, it's just not yummy (unless it's beer)

    I like turtles!

    Posted 1 year ago #
  24. YW Moderator-42
    Life, The Coffee Room, and Subtitles.

    Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant

    Posted 1 year ago #
  25. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    This isnt the hoadama corn thread...

    Posted 1 year ago #
  26. YW Moderator-42
    Life, The Coffee Room, and Subtitles.

    Speaking of ha'adoma corn, what do you get when an elephant steps on your corn?

    Ground corn.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  27. WIY
    Managed to post for 3 years without getting a subtitle

    Mod42
    You have a gift for these jokes : -p

    Posted 1 year ago #
  28. This name is already taken
    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren't listed.

    Back on topic
    When in doubt check it out

    Posted 1 year ago #
  29. Nechomah
    Member

    42 - or else sore toes (it depends on your corn)

    Posted 1 year ago #
  30. YW Moderator-42
    Life, The Coffee Room, and Subtitles.

    If at first you don't succeed, give up and buy an elephant.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  31. that1
    Member

    if life gives you lemons make lemonade. if life gives you melons you are probably dyslexic.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  32. This name is already taken
    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren't listed.

    If at first you don't succeed, give up and buy an elephant.
    What if your original goal was to buy a elefant

    Posted 1 year ago #
  33. princesslala
    Member

    i didnt trip, the floor just needed a hug
    keep calm and talk with a british accent
    always be yourself. unless u can be a unicorn, then always be a unicorn
    i dont suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it

    Posted 1 year ago #
  34. BaalHabooze
    On the rocks

    If life gives you lemons, keep them, because, hey, free lemons!

    The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.... and spiders.

    If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

    Posted 1 year ago #
  35. Mayan_Dvash
    Member

    Time's fun when you're having flies.
    -Kermit the Frog
    ;

    Posted 1 year ago #
  36. tzaddiq
    Member

    the last thing i want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list ;)

    Posted 1 year ago #
  37. MurphysLaw
    If Anything Can Go Wrong... ...It Will!

    Never mind the dog, Beware of the kids...

    Posted 7 months ago #
  38. RebYidd23
    homeschooled in the school of hard knocks

    Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you.

    Posted 7 months ago #

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