Quote and 1 Liner Mashups

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  • #605688

    Post all mashups of quotes, 1 liners sayings etc.

    When life gives you lemons, Take em there free

  • #1121313

    aurora77
    Participant

    Hello This name is already taken,

    This topic is fabulous, with many hilarious possibilities! I have to think here a little bit to see if I can come up with a good one…

  • #1121314

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    A good oldie attributed to Yogi Berra:

    “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

    The Wolf

  • #1121315

    dhl144
    Member

    “If you love what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life”

    I really love this saying…It helped me a lot I am in college and it helped me pick what I would like to major in so I would only pick a major which the career possibilities would only be something I would enjoy….Social Work was my final choice.

  • #1121316

    OneOfMany
    Member

    “It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life.”

    “Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.”

    “Inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.”

    “Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.”

    “If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.”

    “Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.”

    (All property of Terry Pratchett. ^_^)

  • #1121317

    on the ball
    Participant

    Veni, Vidi, Visa

    ‘I came, I saw, I went shopping’

  • #1121318

    Inside every fat girl is a thin girl, and lots of chocolate.

    (Also property of TP)

  • #1121319

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Another one of my favorites:

    Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. ~ Groucho Marx

    The Wolf

  • #1121320

    OneOfMany
    Member

    “Veni, vermini, vomini.”

    (Also property of TP)

  • #1121321

    The pen is mightier than the sword. If the sword is very short and the pen is very sharp.

    (who do you think?)

  • #1121322

    coffee addict
    Participant

    If at first you don’t succeed, cheat

  • #1121323

    Great keep em coming

  • #1121324

    Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    “A bird in the hand, spoils the broth”

  • #1121325

    Here is another of the When life gives you lemons sort

    When life gives you lemons Eat them

  • #1121326

    coffee addict
    Participant

    life is like a box of chocolate- sweet at first, afterwards it gives you a stomach ache

  • #1121327

    If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving’s not for you.

  • #1121328

    *The world is full of willing people, some are willing to work and some are willing to let them

    *The easiest way to expand my vocabulary is to make up words

    *Some people are no good at counting calories, they have figures to prove it

    i collect quotes these are just a few of my collection (i have way over 1000) thanx to everyone that ever posted any of them!!!!!

  • #1121329

    WIY
    Member

    The real nudnik

    These are really good.

  • #1121330

    on the ball
    Participant

    Hey all, this thread is for funny variations of good quotes – not for good quotes themselves

  • #1121331

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    When life gives you lemons, make sure to ask for some water, sugar, ice and some tall glasses.

    The Wolf

  • #1121332

    I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it.

  • #1121333

    >if at 1st you don’t succeed, consider making failure your goal.

    >keep your eye on the ball, keep your shoulder to the wheel, keep your ear to the ground, keep your nose to the grindstone, keep your back to the wall. Now try working in that position.

  • #1121334

    Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

  • #1121335

    >A penny saved is a government oversight.

    >If ignorance is bliss why aren’t there more ignorant people in the world

  • #1121336

    on the ball
    Participant

    People living in glass houses should not.

    Before you criticise someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away from them when you criticise them and you have their shoes.

  • #1121337

    No man is an island…but Virginia is a state.

  • #1121338

    do not let he who is without sin live in glass house

  • #1121339

    syeshiva
    Member

    Life is tough. Even when sliding down the rainbows you get splinters

  • #1121340

    syeshiva
    Member

    If you eat glatt meat, buy cholov yisrael milk to go with it

  • #1121341

    syeshiva
    Member

    Left to write:

    pPlease explain. I have a great aunt virginia and she would be very insulted. So I will not tell her

  • #1121342

    LBK
    Member

    Examine your neighbor’s faults with a mirror, not a telescope…

  • #1121343

    If at first you don’t succeed, try failing.

  • #1121344

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    Money makes the world go round, and booze increases the speed

  • #1121346

    theObvious
    Member

    Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

    A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

    Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight

    When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye

    Don’t be so humble – you are not that great

    That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it

    heheh!

  • #1121347

    Don’t count your chickens before your eggs are all in one basket.

  • #1121348

    when life gives you lemons say “hey! free lemons!”

  • #1121349
  • #1121350

    >if life gives you lemons, squeeze it in someones eyes

    >Lemons are 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make out of it

    >Do unto others before they do unto you

    >Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them as much

    >Whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. And since not lifting weights doesn’t kill us. Therefore not lifting weights makes us stronger

    >Success is 1% inspiration and 99% luck

  • #1121351

    Great job keep em coming

  • #1121352

    Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    You are only young once, but you can be immature forever!

  • #1121353

    My momma always said life was like a box of chocolates, somewhere or other there’s going to be a coconut creme that no-one likes.

  • #1121354

    yekke2
    Participant

    I asked a friend where my chavrusa was. He told me: “He’s in the place where the king himself goes!”

  • #1121355

    I take my kids everywhere, but they keep finding their way back.

    A man’s home is his castle – until the queen arrives.

  • #1121356

    mrs. Katz
    Member

    When I married Mr. Right, I didn’t realise that his first name was Always.

  • #1121357

    The journey of a thousand miles starts with a wrong turn.

  • #1121360

    Hard work has never killed anyone yet, but why take the risk.

    I’m on a seafood idet, i see food and i eat it.

  • #1121361

    Happiness is theonly thing that doubles whenever you share it.

  • #1121362

    coffee addict
    Participant

    A Byrd in the hand Is worth $10,000

  • #1121363

    BYEnglish
    Member

    Love these! By the way, these sentences are called paraprosdokians.

  • #1121364

    nothing tastes as good as skinny cow ice cream

  • #1121365

    BYEnglish- Thanx for the lesson in english, However I think we should leave this title Because no one in the CR know s what paraprosdokians

    means besides you (and now me)

    “I don’t belong to an organized political party. I’m a Democrat.”

    “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

  • #1121366

    spiral
    Member

    Paraprosdokians(from Greek,” meaning “beyond” and “expectation”) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part:

    ? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

    ? A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    ? A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

    ? A fool and his money are soon elected.

    ? Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk there is a work station.

    ? Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    ? Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

    ? Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

    ? How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    ? I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila

    ? I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    ? If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

    ? Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    ? . Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright

    until you hear them speak..

    ? Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

    ? Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

    ? To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

    ? To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

    ? We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

    ? When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

    ? Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    ? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

  • #1121367

    spiral – lulz. But you clearly copied many of them, considering your repeat of one of the jokes 😛

    p.s. don’t worry, I copy these kinds of jokes all the time

  • #1121368

    frummy in the tummy – lulz. But you clearly copied many of them, considering your repeat of one of the jokes I saw at least 2 doubles

    spiral-most of them were sayings, the point of this thread is to distort them

  • #1121369

    mky
    Member

    Something my grandmother A”H used to say:

    “When you are well you have so many problems but when you are sick you have just one.”

  • #1121370

    syeshiva
    Member

    @frummt in the tummy:

    I ABSOLUTELY did not copy anything. So don’t try to rationalize and say “you do it too” , because even though you do, I most definately do not.

  • #1121371

    Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    woops, wrong screen name

  • #1121372

    puppy
    Member

    God will punish the wicked. And before he does, i will.

    You shall love your crooked neighbor with your crooked heart.

  • #1121374

    Nechomah
    Participant

    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    My answer – Because all of the garbage from the advertisements would fill too many landfills and no one would be able to talk on the phone because of all of the automated phone calls persuading them to vote for one of the 50 candidates. Can you imagine a debate on that scale?

  • #1121375

    tzaddiq
    Member

    When life gives you lemons, unscramble and make melons 🙂

    Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a night.

    Set a man on fire and you will keep him warm for the rest of his life.

  • #1121376

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

  • #1121377

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

  • #1121378

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

  • #1121380

    This name is already taken

    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren’t listed.

    BYEnglish- Thanx for the lesson in english, However I think we should leave this title Because no one in the CR know s what paraprosdokians

    means besides you (and now me)

    “I don’t belong to an organized political party. I’m a Democrat.”

    “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.

    Posted 4 days ago #

    spiral

    Member

    Paraprosdokians(from Greek,” meaning “beyond” and “expectation”) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part:

    ? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

    ? A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

    ? A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

    ? A fool and his money are soon elected.

    ? Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk there is a work station.

    ? Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

    ? Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

    ? Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

    ? How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    ? I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila

    ? I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

    ? If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

    ? Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    ? . Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright

    until you hear them speak..

    ? Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

    ? Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

    ? To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

    ? To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

    ? We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

    ? When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

    ? Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    ? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Posted 4 days ago #

    frummy in the tummy

    Member

    spiral – lulz. But you clearly copied many of them, considering your repeat of one of the jokes 😛

    p.s. don’t worry, I copy these kinds of jokes all the time

    Posted 4 days ago #

    This name is already taken

    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren’t listed.

    frummy in the tummy – lulz. But you clearly copied many of them, considering your repeat of one of the jokes I saw at least 2 doubles

    spiral-most of them were sayings, the point of this thread is to distort them

    Posted 3 days ago #

    mky

    Member

    Something my grandmother A”H used to say:

    “When you are well you have so many problems but when you are sick you have just one.”

    Posted 3 days ago #

    syeshiva

    Member

    @frummt in the tummy:

    I ABSOLUTELY did not copy anything. So don’t try to rationalize and say “you do it too” , because even though you do, I most definately do not.

    Posted 3 days ago #

    Syag Lchochma

    Tell it to me, and I will tell you if its Loshon Hara 🙂

    woops, wrong screen name

    Posted 3 days ago #

    puppy

    Member

    God will punish the wicked. And before he does, i will.

    You shall love your crooked neighbor with your crooked heart.

    Posted 3 days ago #

    Nechomah

    Member

    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

    My answer – Because all of the garbage from the advertisements would fill too many landfills and no one would be able to talk on the phone because of all of the automated phone calls persuading them to vote for one of the 50 candidates. Can you imagine a debate on that scale?

    Posted 3 days ago #

    tzaddiq

    Member

    When life gives you lemons, unscramble and make melons 🙂

    Build a man a fire and you keep him warm for a night.

    Set a man on fire and you will keep him warm for the rest of his life.

    Posted 3 days ago #

    Yekke Mitt a Gartel

    Member

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 2 days ago #

    BaalHabooze

    On the rocks

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 2 days ago #

    This name is already taken

    I have 2 subtitles both of which aren’t listed.

    Why am I seeing so many repeats in this thread

    Posted 1 day ago #

    RSS feed for this topic

    Reply

    Post:

    Allowed markup: a blockquote code em strong ul ol li.

    You can also put code in between backtick ( ` ) characters.

  • #1121381

    ctrl+a

    ctrl+c

    ctrl+v

    Simple, yet effective. haha

  • #1121383

    Wisey
    Participant

    I tried I failed. I tried again I failed better

    Rabbi Friedler- one who reaches for the stars may not reach them but forsure he wont end up with a handful of mud.

  • #1121384

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    ~Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

  • #1121386

    “Only those who achieve the impossible can attempt the absurd”

    “When life gives you lemons make Lemon juice”

  • #1121387

    artsy
    Participant

    When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.

  • #1121388

    uneeq
    Member

    No pain, no pain.

    Life is a bowl of cherries, school is a bowl of pits.

  • #1121389

    uneeq
    Member

    Its as easy as driving a car off a cliff.

    When life gives you lemons, create lemons jokes ad nauseum.

  • #1121390

    A joke is like a frog…

    …I love dissecting frogs

  • #1121391

    I like turtles!

  • #1121392

    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant

  • #1121393

    WIY
    Member

    This isnt the hoadama corn thread…

  • #1121394

    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    Speaking of ha’adoma corn, what do you get when an elephant steps on your corn?

    Ground corn.

  • #1121395

    WIY
    Member

    Mod42

    You have a gift for these jokes : -p

  • #1121396

    Back on topic

    When in doubt check it out

  • #1121397

    Nechomah
    Participant

    42 – or else sore toes (it depends on your corn)

  • #1121398

    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator

    If at first you don’t succeed, give up and buy an elephant.

  • #1121399

    that1
    Member

    if life gives you lemons make lemonade. if life gives you melons you are probably dyslexic.

  • #1121400

    If at first you don’t succeed, give up and buy an elephant.

    What if your original goal was to buy a elefant

  • #1121401

    princesslala
    Member

    i didnt trip, the floor just needed a hug

    keep calm and talk with a british accent

    always be yourself. unless u can be a unicorn, then always be a unicorn

    i dont suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it

  • #1121402

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    If life gives you lemons, keep them, because, hey, free lemons!

    The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself…. and spiders.

    If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.

  • #1121403

    Mayan_Dvash
    Member

    Time’s fun when you’re having flies.

    -Kermit the Frog

    ;

  • #1121404

    tzaddiq
    Member

    the last thing i want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list 😉

  • #1121405

    MurphysLaw
    Member

    Never mind the dog, Beware of the kids…

  • #1121406

    ¡RebYidd23!
    Participant

    Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you.

  • #1121407

    MurphysLaw
    Member

    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

  • #1121408

    ivory
    Member

    Thanks goldersgreen for some old laughs…..if you’re still here

  • #1121409

    #Life is like a roller coaster, It has it’s ups and downs, but, it’s your choice to scream or enjoy the ride!

    If someone points out my black clothes, and asks whose funeral I’m going to, I reply by looking around the room and saying ” I haven’t decided yet:

    YOu are not fat, you have fat. you also have fingernails, but you are not fingernails

    If the constitution allows free speech, why are there phone bills?

    When “I” is replaced by “we”, even ‘illness’ becomes ‘welness’

  • #1121410

    mir talmid
    Member

    Your not the sharpest tool in the shed, not the brightest bulb in the harbor , your elevator doesn’t reach the top, your not playing with a full deck, you only have one ore in the water

  • #1121411

    #*wellness…

  • #1121412

    ¡RebYidd23!
    Participant

    Mir talmid, I would really like to know what you meant.

  • #1121413

    Bookworm120
    Participant

    You can’t always buy a bottle of Vitameatavegamin tomorrow!

  • #1121414

    catch yourself
    Participant

    You’d better be careful if you don’t know where you’re going – you may never get there.”

    (another Yogi Berra classic)

  • #1121415

    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    Interesting, mir talmid is a new-very old member! Welcome (back?) to the CR! You may stick around (this time!)!

  • #1121416

  • #1121417

    B1g B0y
    Participant

    If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.

  • #1121418

    Hashemisreading
    Participant

    If life gives you lemons, squirt them back in his face.

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