Shiduch List

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  • #607499


    I was told before I start going out I should make a list of what I want my future wife to be like..

    One Problem: I dont know what the list should consist of!


  • #915040


    go read the book shidduch secrets AKA dating secrets. They work you through making a list

  • #915041



    Rich gorgeous and let you do whatever you want.

    Kidding! Although that would be nice 🙂 (Im gonna get flamed by a few girls here for this comment but oh well)

    There’s a great book you should read called “i only want to get married once” by Chana Levitan. Its a top book that will help you figure yourself out and realize where you are holding and what is really important to you. Its a short book and easy to read. You will enjoy it.

  • #915042


    I was told before I start going out I should make a list of what I want my future wife to be like..

    You are confusing this. You are supposed to keep a list of all the girls that have been redt to you, and share it with your friends so you can vote on who should date whom.

    See eg.

  • #915043




    im debating if i should move to flatbush close to the SY community (wife is moroccan and she wants to move there) whats there hashkofa, and how do they interact?

    Posted 1 year ago #


  • #915044


    The list should start with a 0 and end with a 10

    0 – Clothing Size

    1 – Rich father/Year in seminary

    2 – Jobs: home/work

    3 – Hot meals daily

    4 – Years of college

    5 – Feet tall minimum

    6 – Figure Income

    7 – Types of Kugel

    8 – Head coverings: wig, tichel, hat, turban, yarmulka, veil, burqa, and goalie mask

    9 – Inch Heels

    10 – out of 10 looks

  • #915045

    uneeq: Great list!

  • #915046


    Uneeq:- Add to your list:- That the young lady should be in between 1-5 years older than you.

    This is your Hishtadlus to blast away the Shidduch crisis. Midoh k’Neged Midoh, haShem shall take care of the rest.

  • #915047


    Thanks Torah!

  • #915048


    Poshet what ever the mama says is important…. everything else not important.

  • #915049


    7 and 8 need improvement

  • #915050


    The basics would be:

    Personality – introverted vs extroverted

    Hashkafa/frumkeit – tznius, TV/movies, secular music, internet etc

    Family’s hashkafa/background

    School/work/stay at home mother




    Specific middos you value

    What you do not want

    Eretz yisroel (if you want to live there)


    OOT or not



    What you will not compromise on

    This is just a list. Be flexible and willing to compromise 🙂

  • #915051


    I didn’t try to figure out what I wanted. Instead I did a lot of deep introspection and self reflection and when I spoke to the shadchan I told her, ‘this is who I am and this is what I want for the future. I want someone who can help me get there and I want that given what I have to offer, I can help that someone earn the future that he’s striving for.’ I didn’t give her any stipulations on what he should look like now, only that he want the same future as me.

  • #915052

    I thought of a 7.

    7 days a week where she’s in a good mood

  • #915054


    Popa: As long as you got the hidden reference in #9.

    I’ll try again:

    7 – years she will work to get me (reverse Yaakov Avinu style)

    8 – ???

  • #915055

    What was the hidden reference in #9?

    If we have nothing for 8, then 8 should be years of support, and 7 what I said, no?

  • #915056


    Torah your speaking in favor of the guys…. Hmmmm

  • #915057

    I don’t mean to offend anyone, but these lists are really disappointing! Since when has it mattered how tall, what hashkafah, or what color tablecloth her mother uses on shakos (that wasn’t suggested now, but it has been before)? A guy should be looking for character traits. Is the girl in question intelligent, happy, polite, funny, a good conversationalist, casual/formal, generally charismatic and upbeat, selfless, or any other that you choose. I just wrote those off the top of my head.

    Point is, it’s all about her personality. I’m on the scene currently, and if I met a chassidish girl that was intelligent, funny, and interesting to talk to about life and learning, I would be interested, regardless of her height, looks, or background. Bottom Line: Mi K’amcha (Bnos) Yisrael! Good luck on your search.

  • #915058

    more_2: I’m actually making fun 🙂

  • #915059


    rationalist frummie- ya that was the whole point. To be funny. Obviously no one is going to go by that list. No one should even go by anyone’s list except for what they feel is right.

  • #915060



    I find it funny that people here are actually taking you seriously as though this list would make sense and be ok if you were a guy!!

  • #915061

    WIY: So do I. 🙂 It’s funny and a bit sad as well, that anyone would think so. Sometimes a parody is the best way to get people to recognize the inconsistencies of their personal opinions, and I hope more people realize that. I really enjoyed this one because it has the potential to sum up a lot of misconceptions that are prevalent today.

    Since you point out that people are taking me seriously, let me state that this list is a parody of what are popularly considered the things that today’s guys are looking for. None of them make any sense or really matter when it comes to building a ??? ???? ??????.

  • #915062

    Come on: A size zero is pushing it a bit – di vilst a shidduch oder a shtick holtz?

    4 – maximum dress size :). (Why do you want a girl who went to college? She’ll have krume ideas!)

  • #915063


    Well, to start off, she’ll have four years to figure out a way to make 6 figures.

    (BTW translate the Yiddish for us non-speakers. All I could figure out is “Do you want a shidduch or ______)

  • #915064

    A good wife knows how to run the house when you get four years for making six figures the old fashioned way!

  • #915065

    (BTW translate the Yiddish for us non-speakers. All I could figure out is “Do you want a shidduch or ______)

    ..a piece of wood.

    Only a 2 by 4 (and a very small number of women, most of whom come from hot countries where people are smaller) can wear a size zero past their early teen years. Then again, there is now “size deflation” for women, where an 8 of old is now a 4, and “size inflation” for men, where someone like me who wore XL for extra room can only wear an XXL (in athletic clothing – numbered men’s sizes are based on actual inch or CM measurements whereas women’s wear manufacturers have more leeway with numbered sizes).

  • #915066


    Hahahaha, Uneeq, it’s sooo funny. I went to look up shtick holtz to find out what it means. I know that shtick means a piece (like a shtickel Torah means a drasha, literally “a piece of Torah”). Anyway, so I just looked up holtz. I found a site that has Everyday Yiddish-English and right away it showed me shtick holtz (it even came up first in Google when I asked for “holtz Yiddish”). Anyway, “shtick holtz” means “a person without personality”. Oh, that was a good one Bear. Glad you’re Back!!

  • #915067

    LOL Nechomah – someone got my double entendre there!

  • #915068


    Well, I guess I’m in the extreme minority. I married a shtick holtz that isn’t a shtick holtz. And before you wise guys pounce on me, the first shtick holtz isn’t her personality.

  • #915069


    Yep, U, U got lucky!!!

  • #915070


    Nechomah, I am lucky that I found someone skinny, but not necessarily because I got a zero; (contrary to what my list may make you think.)

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