The Halachic Perils Of A Frum Chat Room

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    I’m a newcomer to YNW & just getting to know the coffee room.
    There are a lot of interesting topics brought up but I would like to share my concerns, feel free to add your own opinion.
    I’m surprised to see in the coffee room people criticizing both institutions & individuals by name. Even if the allegations are 100% true, why is this not bonafide Lashon Horah? I’m not trying to stick up for any institution or person, & I have some strong opinions of my own about some of them, but the Torah forbids us from discussing this unless many conditions are fulfilled. What Heter is there to post or read this material? To my knowledge, Loshon Horah applies to an institution like a Yeshiva since it really aims at the people leading or attending the yeshiva.
    I also notice that when people are anonymously addressing another anonymous person here, they sometimes feel uninhibited to dismiss the other person’s opinion in a disrespectful manner. Being publicly demeaned hurts even when no one knows who you are, you can easily cause Ona’as Devarim without ever knowing whom you hurt, & no way to ask mechilah.
    Please correct me if I’m missing something.
    A fellow Yid



    We are not anonymous. Our names here are as real as the names we were given at birth.


    Shopping613 🌠

    Dear Haimy,

    Look, there was a thread just like this a few months back. EVERYONE THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FORUM/MESSAGE BOARD AND CHAT ROOM! Please get yourself educated before you condemn something. A chat room is more like a highly inappropriate version of whatsapp groups. Chat rooms are known to be horrible places nowadays. It’s immediate conversations that are one or two lines with an ability personally message anyone in the group.

    This is a forum. There are many frum forum. GuardYourEyes has a forum, Imamother has a forum. These forums are conversations and discussions that are often longer than a few lines. They are moderated, and there is no way to personally contact anyone off the forum. There is no way to share personal information.

    About your feelings towards the way people treat each other and the topics discussed-I don’t vouch for anyone here. This is the internet, it’s 2017. Everyone has different hashkafos, chumros, etc, and well you may be holding where another one isn’t. But that isn’t a condemnation of forums, it’s a condemnation of all frum materials. I have the same issues with frum magizines and any frum website. You take 500 hashkafos and expect them to share and agree on everything…hahahaha

    Basically get a tough skin and continue here at your own risk. There is nothing wrong with the forum or you, it’s the objective reality of being thrown into a mold with everyone else you may not necessarily agree with.
    That;s all


    Bit of an over-reaction there, Shopping. Also, while it’s true that “this is the internet, it’s 2017,”
    that’s no excuse for frum Jews.



    I admit that I can’t explain the nuances between a chat room & a forum, I’m also not condemning the general idea of a frum coffee room. But what difference does it make if people are publicly criticizing well known frum yidden or institutions? If there is a heter, please let me know of it. If there isn’t, why do we tolerate it? We are the Yeshiva world after all.

    Are the regulars here just so used to it that no one sees a problem?
    Sincerely, Haimy the newbie on YWN.



    RY23 is right there… I was born with this name. In the 1960’s a toy company paid my parents $620,000 to purchase the rights to my name. My Aba said, Maybe. But then my Ema said. No. So the company paid nothing, changed the light in my name to “lite” (like some lower calorie yogurt) and now I have to explain that the chicken came first.


    Lilmod Ulelamaid

    Shopping – Your post does not answer Haimy’s objections. He did not compare forums to chat rooms and he did not state an opinion on either.

    His point was that Loshon Hora and Onaas Devarim are assur whether online or offline.

    And no, one should not try to “develop a thick skin” if that means becoming insensitive to Loshon Hora and Onaas Devarim.

    Kol Hakavod Haimy, for “not having a thick skin” and being sensitive to these issues. If you continue participating in this forum, I hope that you are able to maintain your sensitivity and not “develop such a thick skin” that you become insensitive to L”H and O”D.



    Shopping613 🌠

    To everyone,
    Perhaps I was upset because I am aware how bad chat rooms really are, and it is really a negative thing to see a thread calling this place a chat room. This baruch hashem is nothing like a chat room, and the title is very misleading to anyone who knows what a real chat room is.

    Randomex- I myself see many problems, but everyone is holding in different places. I could sit here and tell every poster what I think is wrong about their hashkafa and how they are talking. (Not every poster, I’m exaggerating of course. I mean to say that I myself do so many things wrong…)

    In the case of any frum place, a magazine, website- the moderators and website need to a set a tone of what their hashkafah is. You can’t run a place based on every user. So it may be true that there’s loshon hora, and other things, and I surely don’t agree with that. But I don’t agree with things in Mishpacha magazine too, or AMI magazine, but I still read it. I don’t agree with the way all of my friends talk, but they are still my friends. I just make sure the majority of the people and things I’m very close to are helping bring me up.

    So again, true there may be things that we both can agree are completely assur to say or do (like loshon hora), not everyone is holding there, and not everyone is so makpid, etc. And although you may counter that the website needs to set the tone, they do. They are setting a tone. I’ve had posts blocked.

    Just because it’s not exactly your tone or my tone or anyone’s tone is okay.

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