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Why is it that sometimes people just stop keeping in touch with you even though you reach out to them and you are not aware of doing anything that would have hurt or angered them? It’s happened to me a few times. Baruch Hashem, I have my group of friends and family so I’m not some lonely, antisocial person. But it does bother me that ppl think it’s ok to totally ignore you (texts, emails, even messages on the CR etc). If you have a reason for stopping the contact, say so. Don’t leave the person hanging and wondering. It’s hurtful and rude.
even messages on the CR
Uh oh. I was wondering why we haven’t seen chaplaintzvi in a long time.
It is painful ive had this happen to me too, the truth is they are phasing you out of their circle of friends why? i have no idea, i do know it is nothing you did, maybe they were friendly to you for awhile because it was convenient for them and now it is not, it is wrong and yes quite hurtful.
OH WOW! A thread dedicated just to me!!!
While Goq may be correct in many instances, let me give you another, hypothetical, scenario:
Sometimes, when someone in the family gets a drastic change in their work schedule and the other person is left to run the household stuff alone and they are just drowning in car pools, work, carpools, kids homework, reports and carpools, they sometimes put all the social obligations aside (“I would love to answer that email but I only have a second right now, I’ll save it for tomorrow” “Gosh, I should call so and so to say mazel tov on their daughters wedding but I don’t have a cell phone, maybe later tonight”) but then they literally fall asleep at their keyboard doing their work and never really finish their obligations, let alone get around to returning emails which are so piled up that it’s hard to face them. And when they feel down, overwhelmed or despairing about not being able to keep up with all their obligations but they don’t ever want to complain about their blessings, or they are just feeling embarrassed about not having responded earlier, it makes it even harder.
Not that I am saying it has ever happened to me, mind you. But that is just a hypothetical possibility . . .
[and as an aside as soon as I saw this post I knew I had to respond so I ran to get out my laptop to do so. Meanwhile I was supposed to be looking for a pair of pants for my son who has to leave for school in 3 minutes . . .(case in point)]
I know the feeling. People prioritize their lives and I guess this ranks low. That may seem like we have nothing better to do, but maybe we are more sensitive to other people’s feelings. Meanwhile, I have been looking for someone to chat with online regularly and have yet to find one.
Sometimes people might not reply back to you or answer you cause they know if they do then you will chat/text them for a long conversation which they don’t have time for. they love you & are still friends with you but they only have time for a quick hello, how are you & have a great day.
i.e. that why-sadly-lots of people text you instead of speak to you. its 10 times faster to text a question & be replied an answer then to call & take 10 minutes of chatting to get an answer. its sad that its become this way but that the new generation.
I knew you would ask that by the way. I have a cheap non-smart phone in the house that sometimes can get ywn for reading but not for posting.
(I was thinking the same..)
Anyways, Gefen, see how many are not ignoring you…
(I actually did notice you were away from this “beis medrash” for some time, I didn’t think it proper to do a call out…)
I’d generally agree with you as keeping in touch etiquette always gets to me, but I notice you said it happens after you’ve reached out. In my experience, if people don’t return a message etc, it might be for a practical reason (changed number, inactive email etc) or they might simply be preoccupied with something and miss it completely. As far as the CR, until we get upgraded to email alerts or a message after logging in, its possible (likely?) that said person simply missed a message post completely. If its any help, usually its not personal. 🙂
And I also noticed you were in hiding. Nice to see you around 🙂
been there too, not fun. i have a feeling that sometimes after not returning a call (or wtvr) for a while, it may get a bit awkward when they finally get an interest to call you back so they push it off and that can snowball worse and worse.
My stance on friendship is, technology plays no role in “why didnt you ever call me or send a text or email etc” (this is all only if the other person hasnt reached out first). I have many close friends that after not speaking to them for months (yrs?) and then meeting them by a wedding we can shmooze for hours. Theres no bad blood btw us cause we dont expect a phone call or text all the time.
Sometimes social networking can raise expectations of socialising (socialism?) and can damage social connections.
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