Will I get a shidduch?

Home Forums Shidduchim Will I get a shidduch?

  • This topic contains 31 replies, has 20 voices, and was last updated by  ssmd 6 years ago.
Viewing 32 posts - 1 through 32 (of 32 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #610797

    OURtorah
    Participant

    I grew up MO and I always felt something was missing. I went to an incredible seminary which allowed me to see the beauty of all Judaism. I started making choices more towards the charedi outlook and today two years later, I feel extremly happy with my frummkeit and feel like I grow everyday.

    Of course I know Hashem has my basheret out there for me, but I am curious to know if someone would not consider me at all because of my family. They are amazing people, but they are not my hashkafa at all.

    #977974

    rebdoniel
    Member

    Be open-minded. A guy doesn’t need to wear a hat to fear and love HaShem.

    #977975

    Shanifirst
    Member

    Depends which school you want to. Did you go to a mixed school? A school with OTD girls? Did you talk to boys? Were you the most frumest at the school that was only for girls but they were MO? Don’t expect to get a boy that has been more frumer than you his WHOLE life. Especially if your a girl if your a boy – maybe because of the shiduch crisis. But, definitely not if your a girl! Look at the Silver Spring, Maryland boys they have a lot of boys that type that you sound like would be right for you and don’t expect him to come from a very frum background either. I know someone that was in your situation and now she’s married.

    #977976

    OURtorah
    Participant

    red doniel- forsure not! i totally see many god fearing jews in every respected part of the jewish spectrum. But that is the tzibur i would like to be a part of because it makes the most sense to me.

    shanie- yes im a girl. I went to an all girls MO high school. I guess a ur right about that, a guy who grew up how i want my kids to grow up probably wouldnt get where im coming from

    #977978

    ihear
    Member

    lol if it does then you most probably wouldnt wanna be “meshdech” with a family like that anyway keep whats important to you on the forefront and dont cave to pressure, hatzlacha!

    #977979

    funnybone
    Participant

    There are def people out there who care that the family should look exactly like their own. I would put them as a minority. BTW, would you be interested in somebody that closed minded? I wouldn’t!

    You sound like a amazing person, good luck!

    #977980

    OURtorah
    Participant

    ihear- you make an incredible point! thank you for the chizuk 🙂

    funnybone- your so right. i want my kids to iyH be well rounded and exposed to love every jew! 🙂

    #977981

    mdd
    Member

    Shanifirst, those who have this type of approach definitely have either GA’AVAH or HASHKOFAH PROBLEMS or both.

    OURTorah, you don’t want them.

    #977982

    “Don’t expect to get a boy that has been more frumer than you his WHOLE life.”

    Why not? There is no shame in coming from a modern family. I know several Charedi couples who are “mixed”– one comes from a modern family and one grew up Charedi. It can go either way in terms of the guy or the girl. I really don’t think it’s an undesirable thing to have a family with a different hashkafa, as long as they respect you and you respect them.

    #977983

    interjection
    Participant

    If you believed Hashem has your bashert you wouldn’t ask this question. Yes there are guys that wouldn’t marry you but there are guys that you wouldn’t either want to marry. The guy who you marry will be the best person for you and every other remaining guy in the universe is irrelevant. Much hatzlacha and daven that it should be a quick process.

    #977984

    golfer
    Participant

    OurTorah,

    Of course you will.

    #977985

    CRuzer
    Member

    OURtorah,

    There are so many guys who went through the same thing you did! You’re definitely not alone in this, so you don’t have to worry about that.

    Will you get the most yeshivish guy out there? Probably not. But you wouldn’t want to marry him anyway 😉

    #977986

    Shanifirst
    Member

    Are you looking into the Silver Spring Men because I think that would be an excellent match for you!

    #977987

    Outsider
    Member

    Call me!!!!!!

    #977988

    rebdoniel
    Member

    You sound like you basically can use a YU guy who wears a black hat, or perhaps an Ohr Somayach or Shor Yoshuv guy who embodies your hashkafos.

    #977989

    gefen
    Participant

    OURtorah – “Of course I know Hashem has my basheret out there for me, but I am curious to know if someone would not consider me at all because of my family. They are amazing people, but they are not my hashkafa at all.” I know that people really do ask the questions that Shanifirst asked and I feel that’s a bad attitude to have. However,I truly believe there are families out there who will only look at who YOU are now. Personally if someone would redd a shidduch for one of my kids with someone with your background who is now more to the right, it wouldn’t bother me. As long as his/her family is accepting of who the boy/girl has become, there should be no problem. Of course we would look into it to confirm that the boy/girl is a true ben/bas Torah now and ultimately that’s all that should matter. Wishing you much hatzlacha!

    #977990

    OURtorah
    Participant

    thank you everyone for your responses and chizuk 🙂

    rebdoniel- so my brother is that type aswell, the right wing YU, but my hashkafa is not really YU. whats shor yoshuv?

    shanifirst- im definitly going to iy”H!!

    outsider- you going throguh the same thing?

    #977991

    Shanifirst
    Member

    How about you check with the Yeshiva of Greater Washington Guys? It’s an only boys MO school.

    #977992

    rebdoniel
    Member

    Shor Yoshuv is a black hat place where ffb and bt alike learn; started by R’ Shlomo Freifeld, in Far Rockaway.

    #977993

    Sam2
    Participant

    Shani: YGW might be pretty moderate, but they would definitely not like being called MO.

    #977994

    Oh Shreck!
    Participant

    Will you get a shiddduch?

    When I got engaged people said if I can do it, anyone can.

    #977995

    interjection
    Participant

    The family I married into is probably the polar opposite of my family. Both our families are well respected in their communities but they are each very different from each other. People were shocked that we found each other bec our families are so different. All you need is that your husband is open to marrying someone from your background and that you’re open to marrying someone from his. Every other guy in the world can reject you as long as your dh is willing. Trust in Hashem and it will happen when both of you are ready for each other.

    #977996

    dullradiance
    Participant

    Anything is possible. There was a girl named Tzipporah. She married a nice man who happened to be a fugitive with a murder rap hanging over him.

    They lived out of town for a while. He refined himself and eventually became known as Moshe Rabbenu.

    PS Exclude YU right wingers at your peril. Finding a really good young man is one in a thousand as we just read in Koheles 7:28.

    I know some that are 24X7 black hatters who are comfortable learning in any yeshiva and talking torah with litvish, chassidish talmidei chachomim, and the not yet frum.

    #977997

    akuperma
    Participant

    “Will I get a shidduch?”

    Talk to Ha-Shem, he’s in charge of shidduchim.

    and stop whining – everyone has a shidduch crisis until they get married, and the only shidduch crisis that required a nes was that of Adam Ha-Rishon

    #977998

    Shanifirst
    Member

    Sam 2 – The thing with YGW is that Silver Spring is modern orthodox community and the people that go there that are yeshivish go there because it’s the only school in Silver Spring

    #977999

    Redleg
    Participant

    “Will I get a Shidduch?” Yes, you will but it will take a while. , After a long period of fruitless dating You will get married at 29 to a young man whom you had dated ten years previously who you “sort of” liked but rejected because of _________________________ (fill in the blank). It will be a happy marriage. You will have four children, three girls and a boy. You and your husband will have a long, happy, successful and rewarding life surrounded by your children and grandchildren, all of whom will be b’nei and b’nos Torah and yireo shamayim.

    #978000

    Shanifirst
    Member

    Redleg – Don’t scare the poor girl! She will H’H soon find the right person at the right time for her:)

    #978001

    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    Oorah’s Rebbetzins program is amazing. They provide mentoring and guidance one on one.

    #978002

    Sam2
    Participant

    Silver Spring also has a fairly modern day school. It’s co-ed, but it’s still pretty Frum (a strong majority came out Frum 10 years ago; I can’t say what it is now). So the Yeshivah isn’t the only option. And if it is the only option in your eyes, you probably qualify as “Yeshivish” anyway.

    #978003

    mehaylegeh
    Member

    What’s the definition of Yeshivish Sam2?

    #978005

    ssmd
    Member

    By the way, the yeshiva gedola and beis medrash of ygw are ” yeshivish”. Take it from someone who lives there

    #978006

    ssmd
    Member

    I mean and kollel

Viewing 32 posts - 1 through 32 (of 32 total)
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


Trending