October 4, 2013 12:55 am at 12:55 am #610797
I grew up MO and I always felt something was missing. I went to an incredible seminary which allowed me to see the beauty of all Judaism. I started making choices more towards the charedi outlook and today two years later, I feel extremly happy with my frummkeit and feel like I grow everyday.
Of course I know Hashem has my basheret out there for me, but I am curious to know if someone would not consider me at all because of my family. They are amazing people, but they are not my hashkafa at all.October 4, 2013 1:33 am at 1:33 am #977974
Be open-minded. A guy doesn’t need to wear a hat to fear and love HaShem.October 4, 2013 1:53 am at 1:53 am #977975
Depends which school you want to. Did you go to a mixed school? A school with OTD girls? Did you talk to boys? Were you the most frumest at the school that was only for girls but they were MO? Don’t expect to get a boy that has been more frumer than you his WHOLE life. Especially if your a girl if your a boy – maybe because of the shiduch crisis. But, definitely not if your a girl! Look at the Silver Spring, Maryland boys they have a lot of boys that type that you sound like would be right for you and don’t expect him to come from a very frum background either. I know someone that was in your situation and now she’s married.October 4, 2013 2:12 am at 2:12 am #977976
red doniel- forsure not! i totally see many god fearing jews in every respected part of the jewish spectrum. But that is the tzibur i would like to be a part of because it makes the most sense to me.
shanie- yes im a girl. I went to an all girls MO high school. I guess a ur right about that, a guy who grew up how i want my kids to grow up probably wouldnt get where im coming fromOctober 4, 2013 3:06 am at 3:06 am #977978ihearMember
lol if it does then you most probably wouldnt wanna be “meshdech” with a family like that anyway keep whats important to you on the forefront and dont cave to pressure, hatzlacha!October 4, 2013 3:15 am at 3:15 am #977979funnyboneParticipant
There are def people out there who care that the family should look exactly like their own. I would put them as a minority. BTW, would you be interested in somebody that closed minded? I wouldn’t!
You sound like a amazing person, good luck!October 4, 2013 3:36 am at 3:36 am #977980
ihear- you make an incredible point! thank you for the chizuk 🙂
funnybone- your so right. i want my kids to iyH be well rounded and exposed to love every jew! 🙂October 4, 2013 3:55 am at 3:55 am #977981mddMember
Shanifirst, those who have this type of approach definitely have either GA’AVAH or HASHKOFAH PROBLEMS or both.
OURTorah, you don’t want them.October 4, 2013 3:58 am at 3:58 am #977982jewishfeminist02Member
“Don’t expect to get a boy that has been more frumer than you his WHOLE life.”
Why not? There is no shame in coming from a modern family. I know several Charedi couples who are “mixed”– one comes from a modern family and one grew up Charedi. It can go either way in terms of the guy or the girl. I really don’t think it’s an undesirable thing to have a family with a different hashkafa, as long as they respect you and you respect them.October 4, 2013 9:22 am at 9:22 am #977983interjectionParticipant
If you believed Hashem has your bashert you wouldn’t ask this question. Yes there are guys that wouldn’t marry you but there are guys that you wouldn’t either want to marry. The guy who you marry will be the best person for you and every other remaining guy in the universe is irrelevant. Much hatzlacha and daven that it should be a quick process.October 4, 2013 3:27 pm at 3:27 pm #977984golferParticipant
Of course you will.October 4, 2013 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm #977985CRuzerParticipant
There are so many guys who went through the same thing you did! You’re definitely not alone in this, so you don’t have to worry about that.
Will you get the most yeshivish guy out there? Probably not. But you wouldn’t want to marry him anyway 😉October 4, 2013 9:56 pm at 9:56 pm #977986
Are you looking into the Silver Spring Men because I think that would be an excellent match for you!October 5, 2013 3:00 am at 3:00 am #977987OutsiderMember
Call me!!!!!!October 6, 2013 12:07 am at 12:07 am #977988
You sound like you basically can use a YU guy who wears a black hat, or perhaps an Ohr Somayach or Shor Yoshuv guy who embodies your hashkafos.October 6, 2013 2:32 am at 2:32 am #977989gefenParticipant
OURtorah – “Of course I know Hashem has my basheret out there for me, but I am curious to know if someone would not consider me at all because of my family. They are amazing people, but they are not my hashkafa at all.” I know that people really do ask the questions that Shanifirst asked and I feel that’s a bad attitude to have. However,I truly believe there are families out there who will only look at who YOU are now. Personally if someone would redd a shidduch for one of my kids with someone with your background who is now more to the right, it wouldn’t bother me. As long as his/her family is accepting of who the boy/girl has become, there should be no problem. Of course we would look into it to confirm that the boy/girl is a true ben/bas Torah now and ultimately that’s all that should matter. Wishing you much hatzlacha!October 6, 2013 2:54 am at 2:54 am #977990
thank you everyone for your responses and chizuk 🙂
rebdoniel- so my brother is that type aswell, the right wing YU, but my hashkafa is not really YU. whats shor yoshuv?
shanifirst- im definitly going to iy”H!!
outsider- you going throguh the same thing?October 6, 2013 3:39 am at 3:39 am #977991
How about you check with the Yeshiva of Greater Washington Guys? It’s an only boys MO school.October 6, 2013 4:04 am at 4:04 am #977992
Shor Yoshuv is a black hat place where ffb and bt alike learn; started by R’ Shlomo Freifeld, in Far Rockaway.October 6, 2013 4:57 am at 4:57 am #977993Sam2Participant
Shani: YGW might be pretty moderate, but they would definitely not like being called MO.October 6, 2013 5:41 am at 5:41 am #977994Oh Shreck!Participant
Will you get a shiddduch?
When I got engaged people said if I can do it, anyone can.October 6, 2013 8:42 am at 8:42 am #977995interjectionParticipant
The family I married into is probably the polar opposite of my family. Both our families are well respected in their communities but they are each very different from each other. People were shocked that we found each other bec our families are so different. All you need is that your husband is open to marrying someone from your background and that you’re open to marrying someone from his. Every other guy in the world can reject you as long as your dh is willing. Trust in Hashem and it will happen when both of you are ready for each other.October 6, 2013 12:49 pm at 12:49 pm #977996dullradianceParticipant
Anything is possible. There was a girl named Tzipporah. She married a nice man who happened to be a fugitive with a murder rap hanging over him.
They lived out of town for a while. He refined himself and eventually became known as Moshe Rabbenu.
PS Exclude YU right wingers at your peril. Finding a really good young man is one in a thousand as we just read in Koheles 7:28.
I know some that are 24X7 black hatters who are comfortable learning in any yeshiva and talking torah with litvish, chassidish talmidei chachomim, and the not yet frum.October 6, 2013 1:44 pm at 1:44 pm #977997akupermaParticipant
“Will I get a shidduch?”
Talk to Ha-Shem, he’s in charge of shidduchim.
and stop whining – everyone has a shidduch crisis until they get married, and the only shidduch crisis that required a nes was that of Adam Ha-RishonOctober 6, 2013 4:05 pm at 4:05 pm #977998
Sam 2 – The thing with YGW is that Silver Spring is modern orthodox community and the people that go there that are yeshivish go there because it’s the only school in Silver SpringOctober 6, 2013 8:35 pm at 8:35 pm #977999RedlegParticipant
“Will I get a Shidduch?” Yes, you will but it will take a while. , After a long period of fruitless dating You will get married at 29 to a young man whom you had dated ten years previously who you “sort of” liked but rejected because of _________________________ (fill in the blank). It will be a happy marriage. You will have four children, three girls and a boy. You and your husband will have a long, happy, successful and rewarding life surrounded by your children and grandchildren, all of whom will be b’nei and b’nos Torah and yireo shamayim.October 7, 2013 1:57 am at 1:57 am #978000
Redleg – Don’t scare the poor girl! She will H’H soon find the right person at the right time for her:)October 8, 2013 12:50 am at 12:50 am #978001Torah613TorahParticipant
Oorah’s Rebbetzins program is amazing. They provide mentoring and guidance one on one.October 8, 2013 1:15 am at 1:15 am #978002Sam2Participant
Silver Spring also has a fairly modern day school. It’s co-ed, but it’s still pretty Frum (a strong majority came out Frum 10 years ago; I can’t say what it is now). So the Yeshivah isn’t the only option. And if it is the only option in your eyes, you probably qualify as “Yeshivish” anyway.October 8, 2013 3:38 am at 3:38 am #978003mehaylegehMember
What’s the definition of Yeshivish Sam2?October 9, 2013 1:54 am at 1:54 am #978005ssmdMember
By the way, the yeshiva gedola and beis medrash of ygw are ” yeshivish”. Take it from someone who lives thereOctober 9, 2013 2:01 am at 2:01 am #978006ssmdMember
I mean and kollel
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