Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Ona’as Devarim Toward Newly Yeshivish
- This topic has 12 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 30 minutes ago by Always_Ask_Questions.
-
AuthorPosts
-
September 3, 2025 11:31 am at 11:31 am #2445017chiefshmerelParticipant
I’m asking this question out of a sincere desire to understand this phenomenon. I can think of several individuals on this site who should be able to answer, but welcome devil’s advocates as well!
If being yeshivish/Litvish Charedi is the ideal form of Judaism, and in a perfect world, all Jews would be this way, why does a yeshivish English term like “Harry” exist? Not everyone grows up yeshivish, and when one makes an effort to change their lifestyle and mentality, retroactive purity tests somehow pop up. (For the record, I have yet to hear it used as a compliment. In fact, the only time it isn’t a mockery is when referring to a specific individual who actually has that name.)
A baby is not born understanding cultural nuances, no matter how yeshivish its parents are. Ditto for an adult who grows up differently but views yeshivish mentality as correct and tries to join a yeshivish community. So my question toward people who use or agree with usage of “Harry” to describe newly yeshivish adults is of the same level. How perfect do you expect people to be?
Bonus question – is the term conducive to keeping new “flipouts” (also somewhat of a mocking term) to remain yeshivish? Or is the term a form of Ona’as Devarim toward people who did not choose their parents’ lifestyle?September 3, 2025 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #2445291MrACParticipantI think you’re making a large leap in saying that being yeshivish is the ideal form of Judaism.
There are many out of town modern communities that follow halacha in my opinion more closely than the lakewood standard, and they focus on halacha more than chumra.
Yeshivish people who call others Harry’s are clearly not focused on the Halachic and societal ramifications of their message.
A true ben torah, ben alia, baal yiras shomayim may be more common in the yeshivish and chasidishe world, but to say that being a member of a yeshivish community makes one an ideal jew would be wrong.September 3, 2025 4:51 pm at 4:51 pm #2445381ujmParticipantVery simple. Normal people don’t use the term Harry. It’s used by people who think highly of themselves and consider themselves to be big shots. And it isn’t used that often in common usage. And when it is, it isn’t necessarily only used regarding newly Yeshivish.
In short, it isn’t justifiable; and it isn’t common.
September 3, 2025 4:52 pm at 4:52 pm #2445382Yabia OmerParticipantYeshivish is the ideal form of Judaism?? Yeshivish is a modern, artificial form of Judaism and is an Ashkenazic invention. Where is it written that Yeshivish is the ideal form? The ideal form is to be an Oved Hashem with good Middos.
September 3, 2025 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm #2445412ujmParticipantBeing an Oved Hashem with good Middos is exquisitely describing and impeccably depicting being Yeshivish. It’s virtually synonymous.
September 3, 2025 8:51 pm at 8:51 pm #2445417chiefshmerelParticipantMrAC, Yabia Omer:
Apologies if I wasn’t clear. I do not believe that yeshivish is the ideal form of Judaism. I’m not even sure if such a form exists after all this time.
My question was directed at the crowd that thinks it is. As in the type that mocks MO, RZ, and allies with some Chassidic groups only pragmatically.UJM, thank you for your acknowledgement that it isn’t justifiable. I don’t think it isn’t common in person-to-person conversations. I’ve heard it used occasionally on a casual basis, and the fact that so many people know what the term means, even without being yeshivish or adjacent, proves that it’s more common than some would like to admit. Much like plenty of forms of nivul peh; people shouldn’t say it but it is well known because people do say it anyway.
Thank you for explaining you believe it’s wrong! People don’t usually explicitly identify as big shots, but your point is well taken about those who use such terms. We have moved one step closer to Achdus!September 4, 2025 10:38 am at 10:38 am #2445507ujmParticipantChiefShmerel: I’m born and bred Yeshivish and I first heard the term in the coffee room here (years ago). I don’t ever remember hearing it used in real life.
September 4, 2025 10:38 am at 10:38 am #2445510Happy new yearParticipantPpl make fun of those who are not culturally the same as them.
This has NOTHING to do with religion, but rather cultural association.
They make fun of chassidim, and they use even more derogatory terms to refer to those more frum than them.
September 4, 2025 10:38 am at 10:38 am #2445511Happy new yearParticipantI was called a Harry in 10th grade, because I was MORE frum than the rest of the class
September 4, 2025 10:38 am at 10:38 am #2445524QuestionableParticipantWhen we call someone a Harry, it’s usually describing a person who grew up American and doesn’t necessarily understand all the cultural nuances.
You can tell them by how they dance in a circle or by the white socks, what type of coat they wear.
All of which is cultural but nothing to do with Avodad Hashem or Halacha.
September 4, 2025 4:03 pm at 4:03 pm #2445802yudelParticipantI thought they are called “:yankees”.
September 4, 2025 4:07 pm at 4:07 pm #2445854chiefshmerelParticipantUJM, maybe it’s a generational thing. It’s more common in the under-30 crowd, which I am part of.
Questionable, I would like to understand what you mean by a Harry, if you say it’s not what comes to mind.
A) Do you view the term as condescending? Would you call someone a Harry to his face (if not, why)?
B) Is there anything religiously or morally wrong with the individuals you describe as Harry?
C) You describe it as cultural and not religious, so can a newly yeshivish person be fully yeshivish and a Harry at the same time?
D) You wrote that a Harry describes “a person who grew up American and doesn’t necessarily understand all the cultural nuances.” Is this a specific form of American? (I ask because of what I’ve often heard from yeshivish rebbeim, that we live in America but it’s not our home. Not as a Zionist statement but more along the lines of that Galus is a state of being in the world, and not a geographic location or the often used terming of diaspora; for the same reason as these rebbeim understand they would still be in Galus even if they move to Israel.)In a nutshell, you can have two people. One grew up in a Lakewood kollel family, and the other grew up in a Five Towns doctor & lawyer family. Say the Five Towns individual drops Torah Umadda or adjacent beliefs, and embraces the kollel lifestyle and mentality. If Mr. Lakewood and Mr. Five Towns are the same age, and start at the same yeshivish yeshiva at the same time, you’d probably notice something about Mr. Five Towns that gives it away, at least in his first few years in a kollel community. But if it’s purely cultural, as described by some above, is there any religious difference between the two?
September 5, 2025 11:54 am at 11:54 am #2446022Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipantProbably, young people embrace stereotypes faster in our days due to media propagation. So, all labels have memes going around. All of that is total nonsense. Someone who watches TV is not “modern”, and someone who wears a hat is not “yeshivish”. R Soloveitchik is modern, R Feinstein is yeshivish – and they are cousins.
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.